Wisdom/Observations from old farts

[Timothy]

I remember when "gender reveal" was called "streaking".

 

[Timothy]

Wisdom overheard during a discussion about sushi:

"I don't eat nuthin' raw. Except baloney."

 

[Taggart]

 

[Timothy]

Grandfather's advice to his Grandson, who was going to his first school dance:

Always be polite to the ladies... compliment them...
Say something like, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl."

 

[Jayhacker]

My Dad back in the 70's use to tell all of us if you get arrested, make sure you have a pillow cause you're gonna need it on that hard bed.

 

[Timothy]

I am trying my best not to call one of these Medicare enrollment commercials.

The call is FREE!

 

[Jayhacker]

I am trying my best not to call one of these Medicare enrollment commercials.

The call is FREE!

Dynofknmite!!

 

[s-ou-thern]

I am trying my best not to call one of these Medicare enrollment commercials.

The call is FREE!

Off topic- I am curious as to why certain zip codes get more benefits. It’s not like some zips paid in less.

 

[Jayhacker]

Off topic- I am curious as to why certain zip codes get more benefits. It’s not like some zips paid in less.

I'm guessing you get the extra benny's with a DC zipcode. AKA federal retiree.

 

[QuanChi]

Never trust a fart

 

[Timothy]

I miss the days when car engines flooded. You could impress your date by holding open the intake valve on the carburetor with a screwdriver and get the engine to start.

Nowadays all the girls think I am useless.

 

[quickfeet]

Dynofknmite!!

For some reason I love watching that commercial. I can't help but think the commercial is to take advantage of the olds, but I really don't know what he is talking about. I just like watching the guys mannerisms

 

[Timothy]

If I had the time, I would call one of those numbers and see how long I could string them along.

I am curious what they say if you play dumb.

 

[fschmidt]

Technically "old fart" is a contradiction in terms since farts dissipate before they can get old. So all farts are young, and they stink just like young people do.

 

[Nayat]

Marry some one tall so when they get fat it spreads out more.

 

[Cletusnow]

If you can get past the smell you’ve got it licked.

 

[Timothy]

Obama was the first and only POTUS that was younger than me, and look what happened.

Now Biden is much older and it’s worse.

Conclusion: Age does not matter, but Democrats suck.

 

[Timothy]

An old fart showed me a trick to get pepper from a glass shaker faster. it works better with those shakers that have the knobby base so they do not stick to a wet table.

hold the pepper shaker upside down and rub the base with the knobby end of the salt shaker.

the pepper will flow out like water.

 

[QuanChi]

Technically "old fart" is a contradiction in terms since farts dissipate before they can get old. So all farts are young, and they stink just like young people do.

Once a fart happens it last forever

 

[Timothy]

I feel sorry for you younguns that did not get to watch Goldie Hawn dance in a bikini on Laugh-In.

that is when I first self-identified as heterosexual.

 

[Timothy]

I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else...

So long as I have a bookshelf or countertop handy to brace myself.

 

[22*43*51]

I've reached the age where I have come to grips with the idea that It is not a matter of "if" I will own one of these, but rather how much longer I will hold off.

 

[Cre8ive]

Technically "old fart" is a contradiction in terms since farts dissipate before they can get old. So all farts are young, and they stink just like young people do.

You are wrong. Nothing ever goes away or becomes invisible. A fart is made up of uncountable quantum particles that last for ever. Don't bring a pea brain to talk to Uncle Einstein. There is not one less or one more quantum particle on this earth that there ever was, (on in the universe for that matter) and that includes those that make up the element called water, and as you know, sometimes farts are wet.

 

[Timothy]

Brother: What are you gonna get Grandpa for Christmas?
Other Brother: Depends

 

[shiv]

Marry some one tall so when they get fat it spreads out more.

A wise sage

 

[shiv]

I've reached the age where I have come to grips with the idea that It is not a matter of "if" I will own one of these, but rather how much longer I will hold off.

What is this? I prob need to put it into my future plans. My feet are fucked

This is my go to now:

 

[Jayhacker]

If it ain't broke for Christ's sake, don't break it.

 

[Astragalus]

Never trust a man who is smelling his fingers.

 

[denn]

Never eat food made by a skinny cook

 

[Timothy]

They took the hotline away from Joe Biden because he kept calling 844-4141 to get the time and temperature

 

[champsballs]

Never trust a fart

 

[yankmenoodle]

Marry as big a woman as you can find. It looks better taking orders from a big woman.

 

[yankmenoodle]

I now serve a God similar to the one the Baptist's preached. My every thought, word, and deed is wrong. Only this one shares my last name.

 

[GPSooner]

When I was a teen ager my Dad told me to remember what I was sticking my dick in, I may end up looking at across the kitchen table for the next 20 years.

 

[Rebarcock.]

I've reached the age where I have come to grips with the idea that It is not a matter of "if" I will own one of these, but rather how much longer I will hold off.

I have fat ass old Midwestern women in fam. They go to a medicare clinics to get their toenails cut. It shocked me that seemingly normal people can't touch their toes.



Never trust a fart. Carry a 3 pack of boxers,socks,and t-shirts in you trunk after 40.
Big dogs that arent yours look nice aren't always no matter how well you think you know them.
Raisin bran will make you have no wipe shits
If your feet stink double up your socks
Shaving sucks buttholes
Don't shave your butthole

 

[Rebarcock.]

What is this? I prob need to put it into my future plans. My feet are fucked

This is my go to now: View attachment 60980

Yall make me happy I only have a bad back neck and skull

 

[Alpha_Cock]

What is this? I prob need to put it into my future plans. My feet are fucked

This is my go to now: View attachment 60980

for plantar fas..tis?

 

[Jayhacker]

I have fat ass old Midwestern women in fam. They go to a medicare clinics to get their toenails cut. It shocked me that seemingly normal people can't touch their toes.



Never trust a fart. Carry a 3 pack of boxers,socks,and t-shirts in you trunk after 40.
Big dogs that arent yours look nice aren't always no matter how well you think you know them.
Raisin bran will make you have no wipe shits (been debunked)
If your feet stink double up your socks
Shaving sucks buttholes
Don't shave your butthole

 

[Rebarcock.]

@Jayhacker
You can come by and see me pisssing outta my ass this afternoon. I'll eat raisin bran and by 4am I will drop a mystery log. Straight down the pipe and no wipe. I can dm my address. I can even drink beer and be ok if I eat the raisin bran

 

[Nayat]

for plantar fas..tis?

Y’all need to check your gait to make sure that isn’t a source of pain.

I noticed my right foot was pointing out as I stood/walked. I have been conscious about it since and have greatly reduced the amount of foot and hip pain/discomfort in my life.

It even sucks less to walk right away in the morning. The stairs were starting to make my morning bathroom hide away from the family torture.