• Pat Flood (@rebarcock) passed away 9/21/25. Pat played a huge role in encouraging the devolopmemt of this site and donated the very first dollar to get it started. Check the thread at the top of the board for the obituary and please feel free to pay your respects there. I am going to get all the content from that thread over to his family so they can see how many people really cared for Pat outside of what they ever knew. Pat loved to tell stories and always wanted everyone else to tell stories. I think a great way we can honor Pat is to tell a story in his thread (also pinned at the top of the board).

Official Tell Crootn a Story Thread

Should we have a good story thread? They should be based in historical accuracy but you can embellis

  • No Im a fag

    Votes: 2 5.7%

  • Of course

    Votes: 33 94.3%
  • Total voters
    35
TopHook said:
Mw7Huhi.gif
Click to expand...
Once upon a time, there was an obese man named Bob who loved baseball. He was a die-hard fan of the Kansas City Royals and never missed a game. One day, he decided to take a break from his sedentary lifestyle and go to a Royals game. As he watched the game from the stands, he felt a sudden burst of energy and began dancing carefree. At first, the people around him stared in surprise, but soon they were all clapping and cheering him on. Bob danced and sang along to the stadium music, enjoying the game like never before. By the end of the day, he was exhausted but happy, and he vowed to keep dancing and having fun at future games.
 
Once upon a time, there was a man named Rebar who was in a terrible accident. He was rushed to the hospital, where doctors performed a plasma transfusion to save his life. After the transfusion, Rebar began to feel strange. He soon discovered that he had gained the ability to unzip people's pants with his mind. At first, Rebar was shocked and confused by his new power. But as he experimented with it, he realized that he could use it to play pranks on his friends and family. He would unzip their pants without them noticing, and then watch as they frantically tried to zip them back up. Rebar's friends and family were not amused by his pranks, and they asked him to stop using his powers on them. Rebar eventually learned to control his powers and use them responsibly. He even used them to help others, such as unzipping the pants of people who had their hands full and couldn't do it themselves. Rebar became known as the "Pants Unzipper" and he was happy to have found a way to use his powers for good.
 
Croot_Overlord said:
Once upon a time, there was a man named Rebar who was in a terrible accident. He was rushed to the hospital, where doctors performed a plasma transfusion to save his life. After the transfusion, Rebar began to feel strange. He soon discovered that he had gained the ability to unzip people's pants with his mind. At first, Rebar was shocked and confused by his new power. But as he experimented with it, he realized that he could use it to play pranks on his friends and family. He would unzip their pants without them noticing, and then watch as they frantically tried to zip them back up. Rebar's friends and family were not amused by his pranks, and they asked him to stop using his powers on them. Rebar eventually learned to control his powers and use them responsibly. He even used them to help others, such as unzipping the pants of people who had their hands full and couldn't do it themselves. Rebar became known as the "Pants Unzipper" and he was happy to have found a way to use his powers for good.
Click to expand...
Who told you
I use light like you use radar
Just less teeth and spit from me
 
So Boog had it tougher growing up probably than any of us. His mom though was the ticket manager at Carolina Coliseum at SC. Back in our day no one was bashing gays but Boogs mom was friends w a dude who was queer as hell and a legit black belt. Like he was a bad dude. Him and his BF owned a furniture store. We can call him Warrior Princess

They would pay us cash or beer or ganja to do furniture deliveries around Columbia bc Princess and BF knew we were good and be polite. For me these were the 1st Homer's I'd ever met and they were open about it. Back in the late 80s many were still in the closet but you knew they were. (Iwas also Catholic so I knew a a handful of pedos also. I'll think about how to tell some of those in a good fashion. Hard to make pedo shit priests funny but I'll try)
Anyway
We were delivering a hutch, 2 lazy boy,and a kitchen table.
Well Princess the bad ass dude rides w us which he had never done before.
We get there and he stays in the truck. Me and boog are moving the new furniture in to a nice middle class home.
The woman who answered was nice. Normal 35 lady.
There is some dude there maybe 5-10 210lbs smoking sticks. Slimy kinda dude. We ask where she want stuff. This goes there etc.... we take one of the chairs upstairs.
Slimy yells at me and boog "yall don't go up there getting faggot" I'm confused af bc well neither of us are gay. He hadn't seen princess in the truck.we come down stairs and the lady is mortified and apologizing incessantly. Hands us ea a 20.00 which today would be Like 100.00. I walk out 1st an as boog is coming up behind he tries to kick him in the ass. Booger was a good athlete. Scoots blocks and tells the guy my boss is in the truck if you have a problem.
Apparently, this dude had shit talked Princess. They had some history of which I still don't know what that is.
Boog one hops the stairs towards the truck.
Boog tells Princess "you were right"

Princess the Ninja Warrior hops out and literally jumps up 6 stairs and with out touching the ground kicks this fuckers head. It was like Jordan doing a Karate Kid Swan Kick up a front door stoop. The slimy bastard tried some shit but Warrior Princess locked him up, spun around put Boss ass on the dude face and farted.
I had no idea wtf was happening or how to process what was happening.
Then he tells us to leave the back door open and to leave. Well we didn't want to leave without Princess. He tells us to go. As we drive out he jumps up gives the dude an elbow chop to kno k the breath out of him and jumps in the back of the truck and we drove away.
 
Last edited:
Rebarcock. said:
So Boog had it tougher growing up probably than any of us. His mom though was the ticket manager at Carolina Coliseum at SC. Back in our day no one was bashing gays but Boogs mom was friends w a dude who was queer as hell and a legit black belt. Like he was a bad dude. Him and his BF owned a furniture store. We can call him Warrior Princess

They would pay us cash or beer or ganja to do furniture deliveries around Columbia bc Princess and BF knew we were good and be polite. For me these were the 1st Homer's I'd ever met and they were open about it. Back in the late 80s many were still in the closet but you knew they were. (Iwas also Catholic so I knew a a handful of pedos also. I'll think about how to tell some of those in a good fashion. Hard to make pedo shit priests funny but I'll try)
Anyway
We were delivering a hutch, 2 lazy boy,and a kitchen table.
Well Princess the bad ass dude rides w us which he had never done before.
We get there and he stays in the truck. Me and boog are moving the new furniture in to a nice middle class home.
The woman who answered was nice. Normal 35 lady.
There is some dude there maybe 5-10 210lbs smoking sticks. Slimy kinda dude. We ask where she want stuff. This goes there etc.... we take one of the chairs upstairs.
Slimy yells at me and boog "yall don't go up there getting faggot" I'm confused af bc well neither of us are gay. He hadn't seen princess in the truck.we come down stairs and the lady is mortified and apologizing incessantly. Hands us ea a 20.00 which today would be Like 100.00. I walk out 1st an as boog is coming up behind he tries to kick him in the ass. Booger was a good athlete. Scoots blocks and tells the guy my boss is in the truck if you have a problem.
Apparently, this dude had shit talked Princess. They had some history of which I still don't know what that is.
Boog one hops the stairs towards the truck.
Boog tells Princess "you were right"

Princess the Ninja Warrior hops out and literally jumps up 6 stairs and with out touching the ground kicks this fuckers head. It was like Jordan doing a Karate Kid Swan Kick up a front door stoop. The slimy bastard tried some shit but Warrior Princess locked him up, spun around put hoss ass on the dude face and farted.
I had no idea wtf was happening or how to process what was happening.
Then he tells us to leave the back door open and to leave. Well we didn't want to leave without Princess. He tells us to go. As we drive out he jumps up gives the dude an elbow chop to kno k the breath out of him and jumps in the back of the truck and we drove away.
Click to expand...
Nice story.

What is “hoss ass”?
 
Rebarcock. said:
So Boog had it tougher growing up probably than any of us. His mom though was the ticket manager at Carolina Coliseum at SC. Back in our day no one was bashing gays but Boogs mom was friends w a dude who was queer as hell and a legit black belt. Like he was a bad dude. Him and his BF owned a furniture store. We can call him Warrior Princess

They would pay us cash or beer or ganja to do furniture deliveries around Columbia bc Princess and BF knew we were good and be polite. For me these were the 1st Homer's I'd ever met and they were open about it. Back in the late 80s many were still in the closet but you knew they were. (Iwas also Catholic so I knew a a handful of pedos also. I'll think about how to tell some of those in a good fashion. Hard to make pedo shit priests funny but I'll try)
Anyway
We were delivering a hutch, 2 lazy boy,and a kitchen table.
Well Princess the bad ass dude rides w us which he had never done before.
We get there and he stays in the truck. Me and boog are moving the new furniture in to a nice middle class home.
The woman who answered was nice. Normal 35 lady.
There is some dude there maybe 5-10 210lbs smoking sticks. Slimy kinda dude. We ask where she want stuff. This goes there etc.... we take one of the chairs upstairs.
Slimy yells at me and boog "yall don't go up there getting faggot" I'm confused af bc well neither of us are gay. He hadn't seen princess in the truck.we come down stairs and the lady is mortified and apologizing incessantly. Hands us ea a 20.00 which today would be Like 100.00. I walk out 1st an as boog is coming up behind he tries to kick him in the ass. Booger was a good athlete. Scoots blocks and tells the guy my boss is in the truck if you have a problem.
Apparently, this dude had shit talked Princess. They had some history of which I still don't know what that is.
Boog one hops the stairs towards the truck.
Boog tells Princess "you were right"

Princess the Ninja Warrior hops out and literally jumps up 6 stairs and with out touching the ground kicks this fuckers head. It was like Jordan doing a Karate Kid Swan Kick up a front door stoop. The slimy bastard tried some shit but Warrior Princess locked him up, spun around put Boss ass on the dude face and farted.
I had no idea wtf was happening or how to process what was happening.
Then he tells us to leave the back door open and to leave. Well we didn't want to leave without Princess. He tells us to go. As we drive out he jumps up gives the dude an elbow chop to kno k the breath out of him and jumps in the back of the truck and we drove away.
Click to expand...
1698259172372.gif

I could read and understand this entire thing.
 
So there I was on a head boat deep sea fishing outta Murrels Inlet,SC, seafood Capitol of the World.
I was waiting tables and working steel.
In the 1995-6 range.
(My prints don't work bc of micro abrasions from tiny cuts for 30 years)
So this chick was engaged to a big end MB cokehead who was also a Cock head. @TopHook you know these fucks.
I worked for this perfectly devine person. I liked him. He liked me. We got along well.
He was booger sugared. Back when white meant right on give me a toot. But his appetite was insatiable before court.
LONG STORY short
Any if yall would have fucked her too. And she was cool and funny
I feel privileged to be her fucktoy break up.
True story
 
Rebarcock. said:
So there I was on a head boat deep sea fishing outta Murrels Inlet,SC, seafood Capitol of the World.
I was waiting tables and working steel.
In the 1995-6 range.
(My prints don't work bc of micro abrasions from tiny cuts for 30 years)
So this chick was engaged to a big end MB cokehead who was also a Cock head. @TopHook you know these fucks.
I worked for this perfectly devine person. I liked him. He liked me. We got along well.
He was booger sugared. Back when white meant right on give me a toot. But his appetite was insatiable before court.
LONG STORY short
Any if yall would have fucked her too. And she was cool and funny
I feel privileged to be her fucktoy break up.
True story
Click to expand...
Well did you catch anything?
 
When I was 13 I got busted in a rudimentary counterfeiting scheme. I devised it all by myself ay 12.
I cut money up and made new money. Think photo shop in real life no computers.
The way money looks now is bc of a dumbass 13yr.
I shit you knot
Anyone wanna here how a 13 yr old boy beats SLED and the Feds? They still love me. They know I'm there to help wingnut.
Give me a minute. I know the whole story
 
Rebarcock. said:
When I was 13 I got busted in a rudimentary counterfeiting scheme. I devised it all by myself ay 12.
I cut money up and made new money. Think photo shop in real life no computers.
The way money looks now is bc of a dumbass 13yr.
I shit you knot
Anyone wanna here how a 13 yr old boy beats SLED and the Feds? They still love me. They know I'm there to help wingnut.
Give me a minute. I know the whole story
Click to expand...
So it used to be:
You could cut up a 20 and concrete paste it on a 1.00. You had to go to scale bc you needed 2 of ea side. (Every $ has a left and right) long story can't even tell it. If yall give a fuck I'll tell it all true. I read all this before I went to work. @kingsolomonwisdom tell Joseph's Son of God I'm a good dude. I'll never go to the Darkseid.
 
I was on a boat 10 years later w a fed who had been taught of my example. I once went past 20 miles me and the Captain got High af. Me.and DAWSON. worst fishing day of my life. Still fun. Had a half dozen sonic booms go off. All ayes. Only time I ever blew chunks off a boat.
The details are where shit get funny.
 
Rebarcock. said:
When I was 13 I got busted in a rudimentary counterfeiting scheme. I devised it all by myself ay 12.
I cut money up and made new money. Think photo shop in real life no computers.
The way money looks now is bc of a dumbass 13yr.
I shit you knot
Anyone wanna here how a 13 yr old boy beats SLED and the Feds? They still love me. They know I'm there to help wingnut.
Give me a minute. I know the whole story
Click to expand...
1698272375020.png
 
Rebarcock. said:
So it used to be:
You could cut up a 20 and concrete paste it on a 1.00. You had to go to scale bc you needed 2 of ea side. (Every $ has a left and right) long story can't even tell it. If yall give a fuck I'll tell it all true. I read all this before I went to work. @kingsolomonwisdom tell Joseph's Son of God I'm a good dude. I'll never go to the Darkseid.
Click to expand...
You could do it w 50s or 100s but people notice Ben franklin. They don't notice Jackson from Washington. They know who exploits that loopset
 
Who wants some old but new to yall stories?
I'm drinking a beer with some old friends and can gather material from them. They remember my antics more than I ever have. This shit is all normal to me.
I have a shitload of CRAZY MEDICAL stories if yall wanna read that. I wake up under anesthesia about everything but it is rare I fall asleep under Anastasia.
 
shiv said:
Let’s get the full story with some detail. Make sure to describe the nurse well
Click to expand...
The nurse who saved my arm/life is a real life Angel.i gave her my info. I told her is she has 10 kids I'll pay for all their colleges. Whatever she would ever need I'd agree to. What a smile in one of my equally hardest moments. I came really close to being perished flesh

I didn't have enough blood to wake up from surgery. They shot me w cocaine and gave me ketamine.
I left same day.
Next day I was welding like a fucking retard
It hurt so bad
 
Last edited:
Rebarcock. said:
So i got a great two part story that is me and Evil/Grim and a Lil politician kid. From here out we can call gim Booger. Ga/USC FB game and the first super bowl Brady won. No grocery stories but it is a Doozy. (Hot chicks,football,nachos then super bowl, fallin', spiritual stuff, dudes tripping, super bowl actually there,misery, drive home)

But it isnt a grocery story.
Click to expand...
Dude I got some I remember on his Clearance ass
 
A chinese restaraunt jipped us on egg rolls one night. Doubled back with a dozen eggs and hit the joint on the inside. The 250 pound sumo cook came out wielding a meat cleaver. He was surprisingly fast and agile. Had no real chance of catching 15 year olds but he made it interesting. Skol!
 

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