Cheers Curious. Glad your doing ok. I have a little footage of making my way back from my mothers a few weeks back. Bridges and roads washed away. I had to get out and walk the gauntlet for my friends land cruiser. Whilst he can go through water most cannot, you never know when you hit a washed out section and then it's game over. I helped out a lady with a couple of kids that had be navigating for days with no luck finding a way home' same township as me. All accommodation was booked out with people sleeping in cars not RVs. My friend and I got some intel as we approached a chopper that just landed and almost got through if not for the massive pot holes complicating the almost passable sections. We got lucky and another lady whilst fully booked out in an AirB&B guided us during the late hours to anther location unaffected on a property.
I'm still struggling a little with Day 6 of eating clean - more meaning not consuming foods and drinks that I know are killing me. A far cry from cleaning products. lol I made 30 Days just before Xmas ... then it was the HAM that derailed me. Have not recovered since ... until now. It's a huge process. I tend to eat myself to death if left unchecked. I have a major predisposition to addiction on all counts. If I was not so unhealthy I would venture back into water fasting but already have compromised organs. I've always been pretty good with comebacks re my health but a recent accident and major shoulder surgery has seen me unable to get back into weight training like I used to.
I've had some pretty major life crisis in the last few years. Not long after the shoulder surgery, on the way to physio, an X-military guy drove into my car and proceeded to attack me with a pick-axe because I had a difference of opinion. I was unable to defend myself and lack the will to run. I shit myself during that ordeal and had to beg for my life. Like shit happens right? Literally. I still have not really recovered since my Brothers death, a royal commission into intuitional child sex abuse re children's homes, a seven year battle fighting to protect our grandson from a sociopath and the recent setting one's self on fire for a blazing exit. That only being the half of it one thing after the other. My wife suffers from primary progressive MS and I live in a house with four of us on disability services. Laughs out loud.
I don't know man - you know a cop once said to me before tossing me in the cell, "if I had a friend like you I would kill myself too!" This being after another friend of mine hung himself with a belt off his clothes line. You know ... I have seen a lot of death, mostly suicide - seems to follow me where ever I go, but out of all that ... what really gets me is how cruel people can be among the so called living. During the eulogy for my friends mother - I was triggered when they had to ask for forgiveness for what the mother had done re lighting herself on fire. I spoke with her not long before she died. She was a very lonely person out of sorts re the whole CV saga and way too far down the so called rabbit whole mixed up with online friends who were constantly barraging her with doom and gloom. It's a whole other story but ... beyond her inability to cope with what Eckhart refers to as the world pain body / residual pain - was the fact that she had zero friends. Like many of us ... she was a square peg surrounded by round holes. I passed her a couple of times whilst she was out doing her best to ride her bike. I could really feel her pain. Anyways - pretty sickening to hear others claiming to be helping her, asking that she be forgiving for having opted out. I told her son I could not watch the eulogy after hearing that shit. He has been indoctrinated all his life but I made a good enough point that what those fuckers just said was disrespecting his mothers existence. He looked shocked to hear me say it like that ... but then later agreed I was right. I have been supporting him for the last couple of weeks. I have to admit though ... it's kind of been a drain. He is currently on an ITO - involuntary treatment order - being toyed with by bottom dwellers and won't take my advice on how to get off it. Is hard dealing with people that just keep repeating the same drama - but then again ... I myself also seem to be caught up in some kind of twisted path. Alas ... most of my few friends are societal by product. But that's OK - I've been drawing enough lines in the sand of late for people not to push me too far or drain me to quick.
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Please do excuse my own negative spins. I did entitle this thread would have a journal aspect to it. Is just that most other places moderate my honesty/truth and change my words.
NEW GOALS: I am not much into goal setting as defined by most but I am trying to lift myself up. I can't hit the weights as was once my copping mechanism - so it is that I am climbing the walls entering into eating clean. At least what that means for me. Because of my extreme predisposition to addiction to anything that stimulates me, I know from experience that I have to go with extremes. Like I either take the destructive path - OR - I become a fucking MONK. Laughs out loud again - but tis true enough and anyone that knows me knows it is how I be.
Thus if I can be afforded this space to let whatever out ... and to ramble with whatever comes - I should do just fine. I got no flammable liquids around the house nor cleaning fluids to chug on.
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I spend a LOT of time on my computer. I recently upgraded my rig and now have it all running on cooling fluid:
This is the wiring job I had to master in order to close the back panel [Was a big job with so many cables to remember and route. - bellow:
Below: Dedicated 480 Radiator for GPU/Graphic Card
Pulling apart a $3000au + GPU for the 1st time to install inside a water block without *&^%ing it up was nerve racking: Here we go:
This I did not want to *&^% up - Successfully Squeak Clean! A+++++ :
The trip to my mothers was to help another person build a replica of my custom build.
This was the other one I had before.
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I've gone from Hay Carting under the sun + farm work in general in the real world to doing it all now with simulations games. I miss the real thing but is all different now : ( Mostly all the variants Farming Simulator X,Y & Z. For now though, I am trying to make the recent book purchase part of my routine. In fact developing a routine is what I need.
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OK - That's that part of my opening. Some things I can write about later on, might be the recent changes in centralized governing and how that has really fucked things up for me and my few friends and all there's. I mean like, it is what it is ... BUT is very interesting in the scheme of things so to speak. My wife and I have been very involved in running communities charities in the past. From a very successful PC refurbishing outlet, giving way food, clothes and furniture - helping with housing and assisting people on real-estate black listings. I am not as broken or have not been as one might think. Both my wife and I were aired on the local news separately for different community projects ... but generally not portrayed in the light we would of like. That's pretty common for that sort of thing. Just saying we made some dents in the local area re lower social economic attitudes.
Hopefully I find the strength later to share on the huge damage having been done the last few years in my local area re homelessness and mental health with regards to the centralization of power and what it means in general for the community .... at least from my perspective.
ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz Here's to Day 7 ... : D