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Surviving 2022: Open Journal/Spiritual Content

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
You've got excellent diplomacy skills @CuriousFiend. If it's not too late @Croot_Overlord I'll try again. Book is going well but slow going for me. Steady as she goes. It's late here but figured this entry might put a smile on Curioius's face which I know is well deserved. I hope a journal styled entry from time to time is acceptable. It should still be in line with your forum slogan: 'Share your thoughts on several topics like lifestyle, social, leisure or simply learn to know each other!' I actually liked that as soon as I read it.

I best get my ZZZs - Catch up soon enough. :) 'Day 5 Eating Clean'(y)
 

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Cheers Curious. Glad your doing ok. I have a little footage of making my way back from my mothers a few weeks back. Bridges and roads washed away. I had to get out and walk the gauntlet for my friends land cruiser. Whilst he can go through water most cannot, you never know when you hit a washed out section and then it's game over. I helped out a lady with a couple of kids that had be navigating for days with no luck finding a way home' same township as me. All accommodation was booked out with people sleeping in cars not RVs. My friend and I got some intel as we approached a chopper that just landed and almost got through if not for the massive pot holes complicating the almost passable sections. We got lucky and another lady whilst fully booked out in an AirB&B guided us during the late hours to anther location unaffected on a property.
I'm still struggling a little with Day 6 of eating clean - more meaning not consuming foods and drinks that I know are killing me. A far cry from cleaning products. lol I made 30 Days just before Xmas ... then it was the HAM that derailed me. Have not recovered since ... until now. It's a huge process. I tend to eat myself to death if left unchecked. I have a major predisposition to addiction on all counts. If I was not so unhealthy I would venture back into water fasting but already have compromised organs. I've always been pretty good with comebacks re my health but a recent accident and major shoulder surgery has seen me unable to get back into weight training like I used to.

I've had some pretty major life crisis in the last few years. Not long after the shoulder surgery, on the way to physio, an X-military guy drove into my car and proceeded to attack me with a pick-axe because I had a difference of opinion. I was unable to defend myself and lack the will to run. I shit myself during that ordeal and had to beg for my life. Like shit happens right? Literally. I still have not really recovered since my Brothers death, a royal commission into intuitional child sex abuse re children's homes, a seven year battle fighting to protect our grandson from a sociopath and the recent setting one's self on fire for a blazing exit. That only being the half of it one thing after the other. My wife suffers from primary progressive MS and I live in a house with four of us on disability services. Laughs out loud.

I don't know man - you know a cop once said to me before tossing me in the cell, "if I had a friend like you I would kill myself too!" This being after another friend of mine hung himself with a belt off his clothes line. You know ... I have seen a lot of death, mostly suicide - seems to follow me where ever I go, but out of all that ... what really gets me is how cruel people can be among the so called living. During the eulogy for my friends mother - I was triggered when they had to ask for forgiveness for what the mother had done re lighting herself on fire. I spoke with her not long before she died. She was a very lonely person out of sorts re the whole CV saga and way too far down the so called rabbit whole mixed up with online friends who were constantly barraging her with doom and gloom. It's a whole other story but ... beyond her inability to cope with what Eckhart refers to as the world pain body / residual pain - was the fact that she had zero friends. Like many of us ... she was a square peg surrounded by round holes. I passed her a couple of times whilst she was out doing her best to ride her bike. I could really feel her pain. Anyways - pretty sickening to hear others claiming to be helping her, asking that she be forgiving for having opted out. I told her son I could not watch the eulogy after hearing that shit. He has been indoctrinated all his life but I made a good enough point that what those fuckers just said was disrespecting his mothers existence. He looked shocked to hear me say it like that ... but then later agreed I was right. I have been supporting him for the last couple of weeks. I have to admit though ... it's kind of been a drain. He is currently on an ITO - involuntary treatment order - being toyed with by bottom dwellers and won't take my advice on how to get off it. Is hard dealing with people that just keep repeating the same drama - but then again ... I myself also seem to be caught up in some kind of twisted path. Alas ... most of my few friends are societal by product. But that's OK - I've been drawing enough lines in the sand of late for people not to push me too far or drain me to quick.
_______________________

Please do excuse my own negative spins. I did entitle this thread would have a journal aspect to it. Is just that most other places moderate my honesty/truth and change my words.
NEW GOALS: I am not much into goal setting as defined by most but I am trying to lift myself up. I can't hit the weights as was once my copping mechanism - so it is that I am climbing the walls entering into eating clean. At least what that means for me. Because of my extreme predisposition to addiction to anything that stimulates me, I know from experience that I have to go with extremes. Like I either take the destructive path - OR - I become a fucking MONK. Laughs out loud again - but tis true enough and anyone that knows me knows it is how I be.

Thus if I can be afforded this space to let whatever out ... and to ramble with whatever comes - I should do just fine. I got no flammable liquids around the house nor cleaning fluids to chug on.
____________

I spend a LOT of time on my computer. I recently upgraded my rig and now have it all running on cooling fluid:
20211230-132627-1.jpg


This is the wiring job I had to master in order to close the back panel [Was a big job with so many cables to remember and route. - bellow:
Close-Up.png


Power-Supply-Door.png

Below: Dedicated 480 Radiator for GPU/Graphic Card
269876806-1550110728684689-3347365468882112431-n.jpg


Pulling apart a $3000au + GPU for the 1st time to install inside a water block without *&^%ing it up was nerve racking: Here we go:

265238170-1545584332470662-4838342382676826206-n.jpg


This I did not want to *&^% up - Successfully Squeak Clean! A+++++ :

267534666-1545584535803975-8927091896814291561-n.jpg


cutting-tio-soze.jpg


The trip to my mothers was to help another person build a replica of my custom build.

Installed-Shelving.jpg


This was the other one I had before.

Hardware-Monitoring.jpg


1-Power-supply-conver-on.jpg

__________________
I've gone from Hay Carting under the sun + farm work in general in the real world to doing it all now with simulations games. I miss the real thing but is all different now : ( Mostly all the variants Farming Simulator X,Y & Z. For now though, I am trying to make the recent book purchase part of my routine. In fact developing a routine is what I need.
__________________

OK - That's that part of my opening. Some things I can write about later on, might be the recent changes in centralized governing and how that has really fucked things up for me and my few friends and all there's. I mean like, it is what it is ... BUT is very interesting in the scheme of things so to speak. My wife and I have been very involved in running communities charities in the past. From a very successful PC refurbishing outlet, giving way food, clothes and furniture - helping with housing and assisting people on real-estate black listings. I am not as broken or have not been as one might think. Both my wife and I were aired on the local news separately for different community projects ... but generally not portrayed in the light we would of like. That's pretty common for that sort of thing. Just saying we made some dents in the local area re lower social economic attitudes.

Hopefully I find the strength later to share on the huge damage having been done the last few years in my local area re homelessness and mental health with regards to the centralization of power and what it means in general for the community .... at least from my perspective.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz Here's to Day 7 ... : D
 
Last edited:

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
The following no more than attempt to ground myself and nothing more. I start my day with a little deprogramming.

Essentially, I have inadvertently learned how to jack myself in full time and despite the extreme amount of deception, knowing well the fundamentals of programming and recoiling from the controversy meant to incite ... what and how it does, I still find myself lured in. In terms for all the good insights to be found regarding today's information highway, the problem is that negative traits are more powerful than positive ones. Hence the appeal I struggle with. What do I mean by more powerful?

Negative behaviors, narratives and consumables are easier, quicker, louder, and thus on the surface more comfortable, appealing and popular. So it is that living in a stressful world instilling what it does and how it does, that these negative behaviors, narratives and consumables are dished out in order to provide the power that keeps the programs going.

MIND SETS - The collective.
By default the brain will take the easiest and shortest route. Elon Musk is going to pave the way to deal with that. : D - If it's not the amplified electrical induced information with said highway that is overloading one's circuitry, then it is all of that which exists when offline. Such is the level of influence on the current time line. It's now a finely tuned vibration between the two states of being. Examples are as follows:

I get up off my computer, grab my phone. Even when disconnecting from the wide array of wireless information - it still passes through me (regardless what I think) whilst I jump in my car and engage with the radio where the one's and zeros are still doing their thing; instilling what is more comfortable, appealing and popular. I turn the radio off but still receiving information via a mass of signs that instruct me with direction as I deal with other one's and zero's all following the same path. Some tail gaiting - others speeding. Billiards embedded with prompts, signs on the back of busses as too the information and symbols plastered across the shops all doing that same thing. Offline is really no different. Especially in an epoch where digital connection and downloading happens constantly throughout all points and cycles of time. Time also having been highjacked as I once experienced it.

If it's not one of the million hardcopy prompts that I am exposed to when traveling though the day, it'll be a digital prompt that burst through the air to instantly have me suddenly and involuntary disconnect from anyone and everything I am with, where typically I disengage like a robot and suddenly find myself on another path. This is the next step up from hustle and bustle - this is how I am always hooked in regardless of my attempt to wean or digital diet.

The phrase "Once you awake there is no going back ..." is not entirely correct and possibly plays as a redirection prompt or a halfway point between actually waking and sleeping. Where sleeping is just still being part of the said collective. No different than The Borg.

When I wake up - I'm still connected. So in essence some of the clichés I cling to keeps me jacked. I still take the short routes, the comfortable paths and seek to abide by popular narratives.

I could go on - but figure is best for me to grasp the point of what it is that is being instilled and why it keeps me always plugged in. I could link the info regarding how so called studies conclude that when speaking negative thoughts they are 4 to 7 times more powerful than positive thought. Something tells me that is what I already know. I think this is why I do so much better with the written word, but more so when it is me writing my own programming from a more willing perspective Vs one that is anything but. I would do well to remind myself "who is in control?"

Just because you know how things work is not enough. Control being lack of a better word and one that leads to as many problems but all that same. How to break said control being more key for me where the desire for it is something I really don't need.
_________________________

COOMIN GSOON:
I'm thinking seriously about disconnecting my disability supports. This is a major choice to disconnect from the hive! It the real clincher when it comes to making a commitment to the text I write. It's a no brainier that regardless of whatever narrative, that this world is controlled by money. It is the pinnacle, the essence of the term of control embodying all aspects of corruption in all those trying to obtain it. So it is that such language fails when we seek to take control of our own path within the collective ... but that is another uninstall project.

I said I would talk about centralized power and how that has detrimentally impacted community landscapes with the implementation of new power structures over the last several years. How it has taken away and then proceeds to manufacture hand outs that comes with yet more agreements that keep people having to prove their existence.

I'll get to that. I much prefer to take the long way. : D

On with my day ... Day 7 is here ... Detox is till in full swing. I'm doing OK!
 
Last edited:

CuntiestFiend

Overlord
Platinum
Joined
Feb 22, 2022
Messages
3,351
@Ponder
Didn't know you'd been in the flood affected areas, my sympathies man.
Here's pics for others to get an idea,...
Screenshot_2022-03-23-13-47-40-32_40deb401b9ffe8e1df2f1cc5ba480b12.jpgScreenshot_2022-03-23-13-48-00-51_40deb401b9ffe8e1df2f1cc5ba480b12.jpgIMG_20220323_142008.jpgIMG_20220323_141951.jpgIMG_20220323_141943.jpg
Been through 4 major national emergency flood events myself and know how incredibly destructive these events are.
Here's an image for you Ponder, just to give an idea of the tree blockage I told ya about, and to show the relatively minor-localized event I mentioned dealing with yesterday, could get worse if the rains continue.IMG_20220323_141526.jpg
 

Oler Ted

Elite
Platinum
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
2,086
Cheers Curious. Glad your doing ok. I have a little footage of making my way back from my mothers a few weeks back. Bridges and roads washed away. I had to get out and walk the gauntlet for my friends land cruiser. Whilst he can go through water most cannot, you never know when you hit a washed out section and then it's game over. I helped out a lady with a couple of kids that had be navigating for days with no luck finding a way home' same township as me. All accommodation was booked out with people sleeping in cars not RVs. My friend and I got some intel as we approached a chopper that just landed and almost got through if not for the massive pot holes complicating the almost passable sections. We got lucky and another lady whilst fully booked out in an AirB&B guided us during the late hours to anther location unaffected on a property.
I'm still struggling a little with Day 6 of eating clean - more meaning not consuming foods and drinks that I know are killing me. A far cry from cleaning products. lol I made 30 Days just before Xmas ... then it was the HAM that derailed me. Have not recovered since ... until now. It's a huge process. I tend to eat myself to death if left unchecked. I have a major predisposition to addiction on all counts. If I was not so unhealthy I would venture back into water fasting but already have compromised organs. I've always been pretty good with comebacks re my health but a recent accident and major shoulder surgery has seen me unable to get back into weight training like I used to.

I've had some pretty major life crisis in the last few years. Not long after the shoulder surgery, on the way to physio, an X-military guy drove into my car and proceeded to attack me with a pick-axe because I had a difference of opinion. I was unable to defend myself and lack the will to run. I shit myself during that ordeal and had to beg for my life. Like shit happens right? Literally. I still have not really recovered since my Brothers death, a royal commission into intuitional child sex abuse re children's homes, a seven year battle fighting to protect our grandson from a sociopath and the recent setting one's self on fire for a blazing exit. That only being the half of it one thing after the other. My wife suffers from primary progressive MS and I live in a house with four of us on disability services. Laughs out loud.

I don't know man - you know a cop once said to me before tossing me in the cell, "if I had a friend like you I would kill myself too!" This being after another friend of mine hung himself with a belt off his clothes line. You know ... I have seen a lot of death, mostly suicide - seems to follow me where ever I go, but out of all that ... what really gets me is how cruel people can be among the so called living. During the eulogy for my friends mother - I was triggered when they had to ask for forgiveness for what the mother had done re lighting herself on fire. I spoke with her not long before she died. She was a very lonely person out of sorts re the whole CV saga and way too far down the so called rabbit whole mixed up with online friends who were constantly barraging her with doom and gloom. It's a whole other story but ... beyond her inability to cope with what Eckhart refers to as the world pain body / residual pain - was the fact that she had zero friends. Like many of us ... she was a square peg surrounded by round holes. I passed her a couple of times whilst she was out doing her best to ride her bike. I could really feel her pain. Anyways - pretty sickening to hear others claiming to be helping her, asking that she be forgiving for having opted out. I told her son I could not watch the eulogy after hearing that shit. He has been indoctrinated all his life but I made a good enough point that what those fuckers just said was disrespecting his mothers existence. He looked shocked to hear me say it like that ... but then later agreed I was right. I have been supporting him for the last couple of weeks. I have to admit though ... it's kind of been a drain. He is currently on an ITO - involuntary treatment order - being toyed with by bottom dwellers and won't take my advice on how to get off it. Is hard dealing with people that just keep repeating the same drama - but then again ... I myself also seem to be caught up in some kind of twisted path. Alas ... most of my few friends are societal by product. But that's OK - I've been drawing enough lines in the sand of late for people not to push me too far or drain me to quick.
_______________________

Please do excuse my own negative spins. I did entitle this thread would have a journal aspect to it. Is just that most other places moderate my honesty/truth and change my words.
NEW GOALS: I am not much into goal setting as defined by most but I am trying to lift myself up. I can't hit the weights as was once my copping mechanism - so it is that I am climbing the walls entering into eating clean. At least what that means for me. Because of my extreme predisposition to addiction to anything that stimulates me, I know from experience that I have to go with extremes. Like I either take the destructive path - OR - I become a fucking MONK. Laughs out loud again - but tis true enough and anyone that knows me knows it is how I be.

Thus if I can be afforded this space to let whatever out ... and to ramble with whatever comes - I should do just fine. I got no flammable liquids around the house nor cleaning fluids to chug on.
____________

I spend a LOT of time on my computer. I recently upgraded my rig and now have it all running on cooling fluid:
20211230-132627-1.jpg


This is the wiring job I had to master in order to close the back panel [Was a big job with so many cables to remember and route. - bellow:
Close-Up.png


Power-Supply-Door.png

Below: Dedicated 480 Radiator for GPU/Graphic Card
269876806-1550110728684689-3347365468882112431-n.jpg


Pulling apart a $3000au + GPU for the 1st time to install inside a water block without *&^%ing it up was nerve racking: Here we go:

265238170-1545584332470662-4838342382676826206-n.jpg


This I did not want to *&^% up - Successfully Squeak Clean! A+++++ :

267534666-1545584535803975-8927091896814291561-n.jpg


cutting-tio-soze.jpg


The trip to my mothers was to help another person build a replica of my custom build.

Installed-Shelving.jpg


This was the other one I had before.

Hardware-Monitoring.jpg


1-Power-supply-conver-on.jpg

__________________
I've gone from Hay Carting under the sun + farm work in general in the real world to doing it all now with simulations games. I miss the real thing but is all different now : ( Mostly all the variants Farming Simulator X,Y & Z. For now though, I am trying to make the recent book purchase part of my routine. In fact developing a routine is what I need.
__________________

OK - That's that part of my opening. Some things I can write about later on, might be the recent changes in centralized governing and how that has really fucked things up for me and my few friends and all there's. I mean like, it is what it is ... BUT is very interesting in the scheme of things so to speak. My wife and I have been very involved in running communities charities in the past. From a very successful PC refurbishing outlet, giving way food, clothes and furniture - helping with housing and assisting people on real-estate black listings. I am not as broken or have not been as one might think. Both my wife and I were aired on the local news separately for different community projects ... but generally not portrayed in the light we would of like. That's pretty common for that sort of thing. Just saying we made some dents in the local area re lower social economic attitudes.

Hopefully I find the strength later to share on the huge damage having been done the last few years in my local area re homelessness and mental health with regards to the centralization of power and what it means in general for the community .... at least from my perspective.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz Here's to Day 7 ... : D
I just jizzed in my pants looking at your wiring job.

Here is what my computer looks like

853C6019-FDE9-4198-916F-77B09DF9397A.jpeg
 

Oler Ted

Elite
Platinum
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
2,086
@Ponder
Didn't know you'd been in the flood affected areas, my sympathies man.
Here's pics for others to get an idea,...
View attachment 88152View attachment 88153View attachment 88154View attachment 88155View attachment 88156
Been through 4 major national emergency flood events myself and know how incredibly destructive these events are.
Here's an image for you Ponder, just to give an idea of the tree blockage I told ya about, and to show the relatively minor-localized event I mentioned dealing with yesterday, could get worse if the rains continue.View attachment 88157
Be safe mate!
 

CuntiestFiend

Overlord
Platinum
Joined
Feb 22, 2022
Messages
3,351
@Ponder
I've a pretty good understanding of what you may be experiencing, I mean specifically with regard to transitioning to healthier nutritional intake.
From my own experience when initially switching to living foods, I think there's multiple challenging aspects which arise.
For me the obvious challenges were things like overcoming the communally accepted, life long, societally nurtured nutritional biases-(ie: what is considered "food", etc.)
The major elements I'd not expected were things like how intensely difficult and prolonged the physical aspect of detoxification is, and the same with the arising psychological and emotional turmoil which manifested.
I think most people generally expect positives immediately resulting from similar healthier lifestyle practices, and give up within days of starting because they feel terrible and think it's proof that such practices are utter bullshit.
However, that's just the natural detoxification process, ain't gonna sugar coat it, it fuckin sucks.
Took me roughly 3-4 weeks of focused perseverance, despite constantly feeling like absolute shit, before I started feeling rejuvenated, and about another month started feeling better than I've ever felt.
Like endless energy, improved sleep, psych/emot positivity/stability, cognitive clarity, etc, etc, hard to explain really.
I know that if I hadn't kept pushing through the cunty challenges and never experienced the resulting benefits, I'd not understand someone else attempting to explain such a thing-(ironically for many, similarly as I'm doing here.)
I must admit, anyone that can actually pull it off, is definitely an example of one who has demonstrated mind over matter, defs worthy of my admiration.
"Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food."
😉👍
 

CuntiestFiend

Overlord
Platinum
Joined
Feb 22, 2022
Messages
3,351
Be safe mate!
Much appreciated,...
..cheers mate.
I'm not in too much danger coz my house is built on top if the garages, main issue is having to move all the vehicles, equipment, and tools 'n' other stuff to high ground.
Bit of mission to accomplish in a hurry though.😅
 

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
@CuriousFiend ... Again glad your safe. I can only talk about Australia from my own personal experience as well as my friends and family. I don't watch the News other than see glimpse of it when my wife has it on (has it muted and reads it instead as she too struggles with all the hype and negative tones) and or others tell me about it when breaking my PR protocols which I then politely remind if they want to make positive connections with me, best to leave all that jazz for someone whose still plugged in.

As a rural guy most of my 53 years, I have experience many fires and floods like most others. Not caring to be an alarmist, but It does appear such events are becoming more frequent and in fact breaking new records with each consecutive bout. At least as I have personally experienced them in here Australia.

I have family members spread just over a thousand kilometers apart from Woodenbong NSW to Batemans Bay. That is across the full length of the state New South Wales. My eldest son further down south had his town evacuated whilst my mother up the norther end chose to leave with others because they could not breathe. Fires also raged in some parts of southern Queensland either than or at some other time (happens regularly over the years can't always remember that times) that I myself was nearly caught out on a stretch of road with fire lapping each side. I obviously entered into a area that either had warnings or was on the pinnacle of being closed.
So it was that I have regularly been caught out with flood ways and stay 'burning off' patches that have got out of hand. Arson also looks like it is on the rise these days with many more individuals caring less for the consequences. I can appreciate those into the narrative of climate change but no offense ... I also no longer listen to that as well. I just talk from my own person experience. Is not that I don't care, but more about my brain capacity and how sick I have become of late. I just relate for conversation sake and check on my family to see if they are OK. That's about it for me. Of course I care about my family and friends when caught out with such events. Like I got more NEWS when I approach a guy who landed a rescue chopper and simple excused myself whilst politely gleaning the information I needed. Much better than listening to some pent up reporter repeating through her nose driving up anxiety levels. I also use online scanners to keep up to date. There are ways and means without having to be constantly hooked in. Like once you know where the puddles and spot fires are, you can do a hop skip and a jump and be on your merry way as well as send a message to a loved one ... that is if the smoke don't get ya. Smiles. Fuck the Media and all the BS and those that call me a heretic because I don't listen.
___________________________

You know - for all the pros that people worship with centralized governing, it's that aspect of community connection that regresses in the might of such powers. Friends of family become less of a thing and then even families become more divided where in the end it's all a privy BS scheme. In the end people care less and those not lighting fires care for each other and stop connecting but simply end up glued to their TVs/SCREENS. That's exactly why I no longer participate (on such a level) or play that game. Instead I allow myself to be jack into my computer playing other games - more those of my own choice, or at least what I think is a choice. : D
_______________


@Oler Ted - AWESOME!!! Love it. Is not that long ago I was still going to the dump sifting through to find old tech. I'd bring it home and enjoy the challenge of creating a retro arcade machine that did not require as much cluttered front end software to slow things down. Much cheaper as well to get a unit up and running. In rural places where there was no tip 'shop' the kids would yell out from the car, "come on Dad - Let's to go!" while I was riffling through piles of shit looking for GOLD! Well at least that's how I felt when I would finally find bits and pieces of PC peripherals, components and PCBs. "Nearly done be there in a SEC!"
That was the start of my first PC refurbishing project where Microsoft was emailing me in the end. So you see Oler ... when I saw your pic and thought more on that ... I changed my like to a love. : D - I love that older gear all splayed about like that. Is amazing what they can still run. Anything with capacitors that have not blown out, or boards corroded away can still do some pretty good tricks. There is still software online that can be had when matching up said tech. Yea yea - old buffs may not be able to keep up with current shit ... Although I am always into the next gen for different reasons ... I question why would you want be plugged in on such a level given the produce of today. Enough said. Love it!!! Your setup reminds me of good days and also the joys of learning to get buy before such tech has become todays run of the mill clothing.
_________________________

DAY 8 Is HERE. Still climbing the walls - unsettlingly dreams but is OK ... have learned to just let them be. I've done this more than a few times now Curious. Thanks for sharing that. It helps more than you know ... well ... you actually sound like you do. : D

Just to put it into context re your own ... The break down with me re this bout (like my others have been) is morbidly obese with regressed mental health. The latter not something most people like to admit. The permanent nature of my predisposition involves a lifetime of episodic cycles. Best understood in a mental health forum, although I might question that. Newer generations I don't appear to take the time with the required text in order to appreciate such dynamics. Forgive me as I digress but is still part of the equation when it comes to pulling off such great feats. hehe ... You nailed that one true enough for me. : D

It's much more complex as I would add if you would keep an open mind just how much harder it is to get back up on one's feet amidst a system that focused on keeping people down. This be where I now sound all wing bat - but the science designed in said fake foods that I think you kind of touched on in your opening with health reclamation combined with a myriad of other perception campaigns during these times make for a very monumental task in order to reclaim ones health. Also how that looks is very distorted by mainstream and following sheep which only adds to the depression - hence negative desires always present and always strong ... when thinking in terms of craving comfort and quick fixes. Is how so many are easily led along and become repeaters. Think the need for more towers. lol I also leave those debates well alone. I think they also sidetrack from a much bigger picture that can be resolved or more like salvaged within our true state of being ... which is why I much more prefer living life ... or with the power structure being as entrench and effective as it is ... I much more yearn to be free. The war going on now is as less problematic as what I am hitting on here yet the ganda for those to see is pretty much the same thing. I'll just say what I saw with the leaders of those fleeing holding back those who did not want to stay, splitting up families as they were getting on trains, reminded me of my families own personal narratives (again fuck historians, government and media) re concentration camps. That really summed it all up for me and I made sure I would not allow myself to take on any BS from what is going on other than accept what comes! That includes food shortages, petrol prices and most of all ... the intellectual masturbating, blaming and shaming. Keeping it spiritual, learning to live on less and accept whatever suffering comes, is a much more wholesome way of being. This world has lost way too much with it's revered BS tech and comfort living. I'm not talking about a need for war and killing. That shit is only reflected in the BS ideals across the entire world that look to round up, enslave and divide. The value system under which everyone is pinned is what creates said tragedy. The suffering I now welcome is not the same thing. Enduing what comes without the need to feed it and being more tolerant of 'everyone' no matter what boarder from whence they come. Alas I know saying as much will mostly have me now alienating myself as those who are still attached to the drama, point scoring system, algorithms may likely come to see my aspirations as no more than opposing their own. I mean not to oppose ... that's jus it. It is by the spirit, by which you know truly their fruits. Like is a different way of processing that teaching. I always seem to do things backwards. It is the sale of fruit that I find deceptive in an age of gloss - so instead I tend to read people purely from spirit. Something like that. I can a least say that is why I am doing what I can to understand what really resides in me and also learn to eacnougare that truer part of dwells in others. I'm not talking facts - not that kind of truth. I leave it at that.

Here is to Day 9 ... just around the corner. LOL - I've learned to become a time traveler without the fixation of past, present and future. [AKA National X,Y & Z 'NEWS']
 
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Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Out and about:
20220324-141052.jpg


Edit: I think for now editing as I go along is best as it should not trigger notifications or bump out in the main.

Just got home. Spent most of the day outdoors on my bike. There were a couple of bike haters on the road but I did not let that ruin the day. Bit like when your in the forums I suppose.

My friend indulged in ice-cream and some other desert whilst I held the course with mind tea.

I think I will take the car out tonight and fuel up as tomorrow morning I'm going to start doing walk-trot-walk-trot and do more walking during the day. In no rush though. Just need to keep it consistent re weight loss. I've got a decent set of bands and a balance ball - but I think I will start meditating before going down that path. I need to find more spaces with less people and better pick my routes.
______________

I've been slack with reading. - I think I am going to do text to speech and let it sink in that way. I'll go over the diagrams later on and re-read those bits.
_____

Need to up the pace but keep it relaxed. More relaxed than those beeping their horns. : D
________

Edit: By the way I really like the info graphic you did @CuriousFiend
I thought if you love tommy's playing you might like this presentation back in 2006. He easily ranks as world number one acoustic guitarist. He is always improvising which keeps the same songs very interesting. His performances in this one are absolutely stunning - Incredible performance actually and I have seen quite a few of his online. This one is Gold. If you can appreciate acoustic guitar ... then you'll love this. ENJOY. I watched it all ... could not help it. Watching it in full is the best way to get to know this man as he talks about his playing and a little of who he is along the way. Again ... one of best video I have seen on him; if not 'the' best.

Especially love this → time stamp ← where he brakes into some blues riffs. ... + this → here ← Part of a song he wrote and preformed for the family he was supporting in Africa whilst visiting them.

More → Recent 2019
 
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Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Long story my friend: Ego to be sure, but also a sense of accomplishment I guess. I just termed it as above as for me that summed it up best ... but since you asked. : D

Of course I approached Microsoft first. It just ended with them. I try to explain: I just said it like so because it started on a pile of rubbish and ended with Microsoft who was very supportive when the service that took me on pretty much tied my hands by turning down the offer I had regarding the free use of Windows Operating System. Other shop owners also become disgruntled with our success.

It started at the dump, then a letter of proposal the regional CEO at one the local Charity Services that is fairly well known on a national level. After a meeting with him, whilst the kids were at school my wife and I started work at a distribution center. I was given the authority to have first pickings of all the donations bins that were coming in. At that time I was living in a larger town. There were quite a few bins to sort through and anything electrical I started gathering. Long story short, I organized all the computers to one side as well as took in peripherals. This included Monitors, printers, scanners, speakers, keyboards, mice and varioius other related PC products like software and books. I also got approval for gaming consoles and the varioius bits and pieces. Back then CRTs were still a thing and I was using a magnetic wand to bring those back to life as well as tinker with the dials on the back of them.

After the CEO came down to have a squiz and saw how many I had up and running, he agreed to give me a shop right in the center of town. We opened up and were immediately a hit. People often laughed because of how low I set the price. I used to get ribbed quite often about that however because the back of the shop was full of monitors from the floor to ceiling and we had literally a thousand keyboards and mice + more donations coming one of the local private schools - a national bus company also started sending me computers as well - full kits ... it just made sense to output them for next to nothing. Additionally this was during a time were pc parts were developing at a quick rate and people just threw them out at the tip when migrating to a laptop which also at the time was rapidly increasing. Thus the PCs I sold were like an old car kind of thing - YET I knew there were still many families who did not own one at that time, not those who did on the lower rung understood how to connect a modem and setup their internet. I used to write up install guide to alleviate user error when of course the inevitable would happen and recipients would call back saying the computer no longer worked. LOL. You know ... generally a case of having to plug it in or tick and or UN-tick the right boxes or simply a case of people installing the wrong software and all that. Grrrrrr

At this time I still had enough people skills to manage well enough but my wife generally handled that aspect a lot better than I. We ended up with local employment services sending 'work for the doll' welfare recipients to us. I did not get along that well with the mangers of those places but pretended well enough. The CEO understood this about me but all the same was always encouraging me. However, I got along well with the recipients and they in turn with me. We had many coming up to my wife and I exclaiming how grateful they were as how much they were learning in the back of the shop compare to what the local technical college taught was so much more. I had no idea as I'd never been to such a school - I quit and did farm work after only doing one year at high school. I only learned about computers because I did not have an electric type writer when I needed one to defend myself in the family courts. Green screens were still being sold at that time and PC where expensive. It was only because of some other guy working out if his home that I learned how to pull these things apart and fix monitors. I did not have enough money being a lowly turf cutter back then - As time went on I traded him a 286 and 386 full system/s for a 486 ... he helped me learn the bio process + everything else - just a couple of nerds lapping it up having fun I guess ... from there it was the Pentium 75 ... Celeron and with AMD on the side as the industry started moving forward with GPUs and so forth. Other than getting my way at court (won custody of my son) I kept dong the computers after work - I loved playing the retro games. Doing so reminded me of my when I used to skip school in favor of the arcades.

Anyways after a news article and despite and the PC refurbishing shop continuing to recieve so much support, and no end of people wanting to help out ... my wife suggested that although we had been getting away selling units with CRACKED Microsoft Operating Systems, it would not be long before some disgruntled person would make a complaint. I was not having much luck showing off systems with Linux Based OS/s ... and there was growing contention with other charity shop keepers. Especially those that were doing PC repairs before we stepped in. 'In House' bickering was taking place in response to our success. More meaning at the monthly shop meetings that the Charity 'company' required ... other shop keepers started complaining that they did not like the fact that they were now unable to sell PC related books. Another shop would complain that they wanted the Sega Mega Drive & Nintendo consoles back, others missed the monitors. It just went on from there. Thank fuck I was not attending those meetings. My wife was instead. I did understand their loss - BUT - the CEO was so impressed with our setup he just kept saying YES! I chuckle now when I think about it. But to be fair ... a it just made sense that a clothes shop should sells clothes, a furniture shop sell furniture and a Electronics Shop sell electronics. Adding to that we actually knew what we were selling adn could provide that support ... Vs ... Sold As Is.

It was not really just about that ... but people just being people. Despite selling at such a low cost, we were raking it in at such a high rate that the CEO's started sending the donation bins to the shop so I no longer had to go through them at the distribution center 'and' be in the shop at the same time. That was the hardest part as many people back then did not know what to pick and there was just so much. Sadly at this point - much of what I really needed was being held back. I was no longer at the first point in the chain. Theft with charity workers was and is a huge thing let along the growing contention re people being people. Given the dynamics as explained above things when down from there ... but I get back to Microsoft.

Anyways Microsoft got back to me. I heeded my wife's warning and did contact MS myself. Some official got back and we ended up with a couple of emails where he sounded very down to earth and gave the go ahead - BUT - The CEO had to allow Microsoft to audit their books.

This was what ended it all. The CEO seemed a bit nervous about this requirement and was unwilling to allow MS to look at the books. So with that and the other shop keepers with their noses out of joint and the sudden disappearing parts from the bins no longer reaching our shop ... I had enough of the BS. It took a lot of work to run that place at the high level of standard we had. Other helpers did not understand what was going on ... it was sad to see it all fall apart.

... and that my friend - since you asked @Oler Ted - is pretty much what I meant meant when I said "PC refurbishing project where Microsoft was emailing me in the end?" As best I remember and can explain ... My wife and I later went out on our 'own' to develop a few other charities that made the TV news - One about helping people in transitional homeless situation, another back at the dump and out-letting PCs via Facebook with more support coming in all over again - this time by locals themselves. My wife went on to support another large charity helping domestic violence victims get housed with everything they need. I would run about the place with my trailer doing what I could.

My phone should be charged now ... so I am off to do what I said in last post. Let the sweating being!!!

Please excuse my typos ... I really need to stick to me new routine so don't have time. I may correct later.
 
Last edited:

quickfeet

Get Steppin’
Founder
Joined
Feb 19, 2021
Messages
3,371
Long story my friend: Ego to be sure, but also a sense of accomplishment I guess. I just termed it as above as for me that summed it up best ... but since you asked. : D

Of course I approached Microsoft first. It just ended with them. I try to explain: I just said it like so because it started on a pile of rubbish and ended with Microsoft who was very supportive when the service that took me on pretty much tied my hands by turning down the offer I had regarding the free use of Windows Operating System. Other shop owners also become disgruntled with our success.

It started at the dump, then a letter of proposal the regional CEO at one the local Charity Services that is fairly well known on a national level. After a meeting with him, whilst the kids were at school my wife and I started work at a distribution center. I was given the authority to have first pickings of all the donations bins that were coming in. At that time I was living in a larger town. There were quite a few bins to sort through and anything electrical I started gathering. Long story short, I organized all the computers to one side as well as took in peripherals. This included Monitors, printers, scanners, speakers, keyboards, mice and varioius other related PC products like software and books. I also got approval for gaming consoles and the varioius bits and pieces. Back then CRTs were still a thing and I was using a magnetic wand to bring those back to life as well as tinker with the dials on the back of them.

After the CEO came down to have a squiz and saw how many I had up and running, he agreed to give me a shop right in the center of town. We opened up and were immediately a hit. People often laughed because of how low I set the price. I used to get ribbed quite often about that however because the back of the shop was full of monitors from the floor to ceiling and we had literally a thousand keyboards and mice + more donations coming one of the local private schools - a national bus company also started sending me computers as well - full kits ... it just made sense to output them for next to nothing. Additionally this was during a time were pc parts were developing at a quick rate and people just threw them out at the tip when migrating to a laptop which also at the time was rapidly increasing. Thus the PCs I sold were like an old car kind of thing - YET I knew there were still many families who did not own one at that time, not those who did on the lower rung understood how to connect a modem and setup their internet. I used to write up install guide to alleviate user error when of course the inevitable would happen and recipients would call back saying the computer no longer worked. LOL. You know ... generally a case of having to plug it in or tick and or UN-tick the right boxes or simply a case of people installing the wrong software and all that. Grrrrrr

At this time I still had enough people skills to manage well enough but my wife generally handled that aspect a lot better than I. We ended up with local employment services sending 'work for the doll' welfare recipients to us. I did not get along that well with the mangers of those places but pretended well enough. The CEO understood this about me but all the same was always encouraging me. However, I got along well with the recipients and they in turn with me. We had many coming up to my wife and I exclaiming how grateful they were as how much they were learning in the back of the shop compare to what the local technical college taught was so much more. I had no idea as I'd never been to such a school - I quit and did farm work after only doing one year at high school. I only learned about computers because I did not have an electric type writer when I needed one to defend myself in the family courts. Green screens were still being sold at that time and PC where expensive. It was only because of some other guy working out if his home that I learned how to pull these things apart and fix monitors. I did not have enough money being a lowly turf cutting back then - As time went on I traded him a 286 and 386 full system/s for a 486 ... he helped me learn the bio process + everything else - just a couple of nerds lapping it up having fun I guess ... from there it was the Pentium 75 ... Celeron and with AMD on the side as the industry started moving forward with GPUs and so forth. Other than getting my way at court (won custody of my son) I kept dong the computers after work - I loved playing the retro games. Doing so reminded me of my when I used to skip school in favor of the arcades.

Anyways after a news article and despite and the PC refurbishing shop continuing to recieve so much support, and no end of people wanting to help out ... my wife suggested that although we had been getting away selling units with CRACKED Microsoft Operating Systems, it would not be long before some disgruntled person would make a complaint. I was not having much luck showing off systems with Linux Based OS/s ... and there was growing contention with other charity shop keepers. Especially those that were doing PC repairs before we stepped in. 'In House' bickering was taking place in response to our success. More meaning at the monthly shop meetings that the Charity 'company' required ... other shop keepers started complaining that they did not like the fact that they were now unable to sell PC related books. Another shop would complain that they wanted the Sega Mega Drive & Nintendo consoles back, others missed the monitors. It just went on from there. Thank fuck I was not attending those meetings. My wife was instead. I did understand their loss - BUT - the CEO was so impressed with our setup he just kept saying YES! I chuckle now when I think about it. But to be fair ... a it just made sense that a clothes shop should sells clothes, a furniture shop sell furniture and a Electronics Shop sell electronics. Adding to that we actually knew what we were selling adn could provide that support ... Vs ... Sold As Is.

It was not really just about that ... but people just being people. Despite selling at such a low cost, we were raking it in at such a high rate that the CEO's started sending the donation bins to the shop so I no longer had to go through them at the distribution center 'and' be in the shop at the same time. That was the hardest part as many people back then did not know what to pick and there was just so much. Sadly at this point - much of what I really needed was being held back. I was no longer at the first point in the chain. Theft with charity workers was and is a huge thing let along the growing contention re people being people. Given the dynamics as explained above things when down from there ... but I get back to Microsoft.

Anyways Microsoft got back to me. I heeded my wife's warning and did contact MS myself. Some official got back and we ended up with a couple of emails where he sounded very down to earth and gave the go ahead - BUT - The COE had to allow Microsoft to audit their books.

This was what ended it all. The CEO seemed a bit nervous about this requirement and was unwilling to allow MS to look at the books. So with that and the other shop keepers with their noses out of joint and the sudden disappearing parts from the bins no longer reaching our shop ... I had had enough of the BS. It took a lot of work to run that place at the high level of standard we had. Other helpers did not understand what was going on ... it was sad to see it all fall apart.

... and that my friend - since you asked @Oler Ted - is pretty much that what I meant meant when I said "PC refurbishing project where Microsoft was emailing you in the end?" As best I remember and can explain ... My wife and I later went out on our 'own' to develop a few other charities that made the TV news - One about helping people in transitional homeless situation, another back at the dump and out-letting PCs via Facebook with more support coming in all over again - this time by locals themselves. My wife went on to support another large charity helping domestic violence victims get housed with everything they need. I would run about the place with my trailer doing what I could.

My phone should be charged now ... so I am off to do what I said in last post. Let the sweating being!!!

Please excuse my typos ... I really need to stick to me new routine so don't have time. I may correct later.
Really enjoying the stories my friend. Thanks for sharing
 

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
@CuriousFiend I must admit I feel like quite fucked up after watching that. I probably said too much in my response but will let it sit as is. It felt true enough when I was conveying as much.

I used to be a Jackaroo and Cowboy in my younger years but could also say I slit the throats of animals for a living. Butchering was one of my duties to keep the meat flowing. But the way in which we deliver these things can make or break the story; depending on whos listening. My wife was dead set against me watching the vid the first time I did, and now calling me a sheep for having watched it again ... perhaps she it right? Is all good - I can make up my own mind. Is not what I mean.

Sad to say how people can view others as animals and get off on watching that kind of thing. Are we feeding those who get off or opening the minds of those who preach such hate? I don't know. Is hard to tell. Anyways with all due respect I recommend putting a trigger warning on that rather than just saying Fake or True. I mean given the graphic nature of bullets caving those victims heads in, Just to make sure kind of thing. There were also a few kids involved in that. Is like when I was exposed to certain movies when I was a child. Those who are not ready can get really fucked up watching it. I'm not saying right or wrong about it ... just saying I'm in two minds about the effect of posting it. Is not for me to direct you in anyways of course.

Certainly makes one wonder why we watch Netflix and continue to watch reenactments of the same thing. Notice how our bodies respond to certain scenes? We are a sick species to be sure. Very much in need of healing. I don't think playing along is a good way to open another's eye yet fall victims to it often enough. I try not to anymore. This space will be a challenge in that. I think I am just going to bunker on in here for a whiles. I don't quite have what it takes to play along anymore.

I guess this kind of footage with the onus that it's reality when not jacked into Netflix ... might make people recoil from said footage on TV - yet so effective is the control mechanism /dumbing down that people continue to feed off what is programmed without question.

Yea - I think I have recovered now. JFC Hard Core - but yea ... You got to do what you got to do.
 
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Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Something a little more wholesome you mentioned earlier. Living Foods. This was my breakfast:
Spinach, Beets and ginger already pressed. Added cabbage and carrot.

Living-Foods.jpg


I'm also into soaking and drying my foods.

I can tell you regardless of what I read and what I think - food does make a positive difference over time that has nothing to do with being psychedelic.

Re the book Prometheus Rising, I understand what he is trying to say for the most part. I'm finding some statements in the book to be somewhat inaccurate going by my own experiences. I'm sure one may put that down to programming - but for me I have de-programmed enough to know where knowing is more a thing than thinking. Otherwise the model on imprinting is a good take minus what I sense as phycicatric & scientific bias. Actually I am on the spectrum and he seems to use the word autistic in the wrong context for me. In that I guess I am bias. : D He & I live in different worlds and that is OK with me. I'll keep reading for the sake of the bots and see where that leads.

I'm into chapter three.
 
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CuntiestFiend

Overlord
Platinum
Joined
Feb 22, 2022
Messages
3,351
@CuriousFiend I must admit I feel like quite fucked up after watching that. I probably said too much in my response but will let it sit as is. It felt true enough when I was conveying as much.

I used to be a Jackaroo and Cowboy in my younger years but could also say I slit the throats of animals for a living. Butchering was one of my duties to keep the meat flowing. But the way in which we deliver these things can make or break the story; depending on whos listening. My wife was dead set against me watching the vid the first time I did, and now calling me a sheep for having watched it again ... perhaps she it right? Is all good - I can make up my own mind. Is not what I mean.

Sad to say how people can view others as animals and get off on watching that kind of thing. Are we feeding those who get off or opening the minds of those who preach such hate? I don't know. Is hard to tell. Anyways with all due respect I recommend putting a trigger warning on that rather than just saying Fake or True. I mean given the graphic nature of bullets caving those victims heads in, Just to make sure kind of thing. There were also a few kids involved in that. Is like when I was exposed to certain movies when I was a child. Those who are not ready can get really fucked up watching it. I'm not saying right or wrong about it ... just saying I'm in two minds about the effect of posting it. Is not for me to direct you in anyways of course.

Certainly makes one wonder why we watch Netflix and continue to watch reenactments of the same thing. Notice how our bodies respond to certain scenes? We are a sick species to be sure. Very much in need of healing. I don't think playing along is a good way to open another's eye yet fall victims to it often enough. I try not to anymore. This space will be a challenge in that. I think I am just going to bunker on in here for a whiles. I don't quite have what it takes to play along anymore.

I guess this kind of footage with the onus that it's reality when not jacked into Netflix ... might make people recoil from said footage on TV - yet so effective is the control mechanism /dumbing down that people continue to feed off what is programmed without question.

Yea - I think I have recovered now. JFC Hard Core - but yea ... You got to do what you got to do.
My bad, I'll make sure to try and figure out how to put the spoiler thing on if I post anything like that again.
There's alot of massive holes in the narrative portrayed by the police and the govt.
I am quite sure the entire video is an act, it just seems realistic because SFX have been added.
I don't believe any one died, they were all actors.
That's why I was hoping the expertise of @GarnetPild might better scrutinize whether the action is real of faked.
Anyways, pretty sure the "Christchurch terrorist attack" was a false flag.
 
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Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Sorry @CuriousFiend - I missed your reply above. I'm kind of at a loss for words but need to be honest with myself as well as you too. Going by what have often said re only giving credence to my own experiences, I actually can't say I was there and saw it. I just don't see what they have to gain by faking this one? I don't think the powers that be would gain enough to make up for such an act say Vs 9/11. I am open to have said many times that I have major distrust in society for many of the same reasons you mention. Let me just say you have given me food for thought. I did not morn anyone lost here and am careful not to because I don't wish to fall victim to the TV ... Like when Lady Diana died and people started crying that never knew her ... that shows well how the programs and vulnerability works. But in this case with that mass shooting ... I'm pretty sure they happen (I've wanted to do it) and again there is not much to gain in faking such a thing. That said, I really don't want to create a rift by suggesting such things. Currently we live in an age of mass confusion. I'm not saying it is fact that it happen or not ... but am careful to look at the bigger picture and not get side tract trying to prove everything, because doing so in some ways kind of plays into the program itself. Is hard to explain.

Thanks for taking the time to pop in and clarify man. I really appreciate that.

I don't mean to put others off or when I am sensing I have a different take or my sensors are saying something not on par with others I am fearful in rifts being created ... like when I let my own bias show with the way I convey ... example - last post I said "Makes more sense than those hoisting flags off their front porch:" I admit to myself and now others that I say it like so out of frustration. I really need to work on my own speech before making pointing the finger. That said, I avoid personal interactions like so but matters little. Such speech affects me all the same. Working on it.

Anyways ... I don't know shit and I am OK with that.

If I have not already said, I regret that I will have to put that book Prometheus Rising down. Is just not for me and I don't think it's a case of "not ready to hear it" ... Whilst the models presented are of great interest to me, It simply categorized way too much and in my opinion assumes too much. Again - my opinion means squat but it kind of does to me.

I'm more into what others term as faggy shit ... whatever that is. Chuckles ... and yet I am not always resonating with it either. Finding out how it all works when listening to others 'tell' presents more often than not ... a lack of genuine intent. For instance ... the author gives a warning in his own book that he is attacking certain notions like a gorilla where he then jumps back behind the bushes and has a laugh. Something like that. I think the writing shows that well and it's not for me. It's the little things that miss the mark by a long shot in ways I don't think would be worth the energy to share as I am on the spectrum to which again is used in such a negative way when he is describing limitations. I find science very contradictory in its absolute claims Vs the scientific method, which to me the rigidity of his claims in his book are used like Bible Verses to claim that such is the way because of this or that study. In the same way you sense that shooting is false, I sure as hell do not buy into said notions just because someone cites a famous psychiatrist or scientist. To me they are as full of the same predispositions of what they preach but they often attribute such to those lower on the rung who have suffered X,Y & Z. As someone the has suffered X,Y & Z I know it sure as hell is not as simple as the equation they would like to claim. Especially from a retard like me.

So it is that I that the psychedelic God Particle they would attribute to a way different from theirs is something entirely differently for me - mostly because it is NOT from thinking that I create or dream of such worlds - its actually quite the opposite for me. When I say NO to all the mental masturbation and work on stopping my brain ... and feeding my body and opening up to the SUN ← example kind of thing ... it is through no longer allowing thought and the imprinting from those wishing to influence for their own gain which is entirely a separate world from that of mine ... I'm best to stick with being my own author and doing what I know works for me regardless of their claims. I'm probably not making sense ... but is good for me to write how it is for me. Like I say - we are in my view in an age of mass confusion regardless of the campaign to demonize those challenging the machine. I'm just over that caring on both sides of the fence when it comes to such things. Yea I posted a clip with Russel Brand - that's the insanity part of it ... for all I am saying I am still caught up in it ... yet I also stand by what I am saying with striving to detach from all sides.

Instead - If I am to intellectualize, I think I would do better to banter on the side of spirit and do so in a way that connects without the need to prove. Which is why when I write I just let if out as it comes ... because I find I am more honest when I am NOT think too hard - better yet ... think not but just going with feel. I know feelings get a bad wrap and those dissecting, love to box them all those feelings up and characterize individuals based on X,Y & Z ... which is another reason I am putting said book down. Edit ... When I say feelings ... I mean after acknowledging said feelings but more a knowing from where they arise which is different. That takes a little more focus and something that is only hampered by thinking and proving.

That said ... mores the power to those that had positive life changing results from such insights as presented in that book.

For me I'll be going down the mystic side for a bit - but making up my own definitions that suit the path I have come from and that which I am wishing to be. Out of all my suffering re children's homes, juvey, prison, living on the streets, rehabs and going through the rigmarole of a penniless peasant trying to meet societal contracts and obligations right up to that time I walked into employment services ready to set myself on fire (thinks of poor women who did it recently) No famous psychiatrist, philosopher or scientist is going to be near the mark when calculating me. None of them have been close - I have a unique perspective that they can't of had going by their professed profiles.

Nar man - I'm done with this world of physicality and care less to understand it any more than I have experienced it. I think where I wish to go cannot be calculated in a way where some guy is going to act like a gorilla and then jump behind a bush and have a laugh. The last laugh will be on him. Chuckles at that thought. No disrespect intended just as I am sure he too is only speaking metaphorically ... although claims to of told some people to go fuck themselves. I'm trying to rise above all that.

Is time for me to salvage what I can and learn to enjoy what little is left. That is the trick. I should not have to wait for another lifetime to do it. I sense I need to do it now before the nukes go off. LOL ... Just kidding ... I need to also give up yearning for them to go off.

Anyways ... hopefully this is less than one thousand characters and will post.

Apologies for my different views and full respect to yours and others.

Night night. ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz Edit - Day Nine nearly done and here's to Day Ten - eating clean.
 
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Ponder

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I am very surprised to hear that. Is late here but after seeing your query here on my phone I got out of bed to respond proper. I suppose it's OK to tell you that after checking my email re your post, I did receive a short one explaining the CuroiusFiend had to go away and that it was nice knowing me.

I beleive there was a name change to his thread (not what it is now) happened before my engagement today. I did notice that (New Zealand Info Dump? I thought it was soothing else previous to that or either a new thread?) myself when logging in. I apologize if you lost a valued member because of my own views and or expression. It's hard to know if that is the case or not. I guess today I aired out some opposing perspectives including your book recommendation but thought that would be ok. Like maybe it's not me but then again I don't know. I can't help but second guess myself now ... that said ... like I did, maybe Curoius will come back?

Edit - I tried reaching out via email like he did me.

Again, I really don't know what else to say?
 
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Croot_Overlord

John
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I am very surprised to hear that. Is late here but after seeing your query here on my phone I got out of bed to respond proper. I suppose it's OK to tell you that after checking my email re your post, I did receive a short one explaining the CuroiusFiend had to go away and that it was nice knowing me.

I beleive there was a name change to his thread (not what it is now) happened before my engagement today. I did notice that (New Zealand Info Dump? I thought it was soothing else previous to that or either a new thread?) myself when logging in. I apologize if you lost a valued member because of my own views and or expression. It's hard to know if that is the case or not. I guess today I aired out some opposing perspectives including your book recommendation but thought that would be ok. Like maybe it's not me but then again I don't know. I can't help but second guess myself now ... that said ... like I did, maybe Curoius will come back?

Again, I really don't know what else to say?
Hey bud, no problem at all, I was just curious if it was something I could correct or mediate.

I highly doubt it is anything you said, but we never know what is going on with other people, so no sense in jumping to conclusions. Maybe he will make it back some time sooner rather than later or not at all.

I was enjoying to get to know him, just the same as you. Greatly enjoying your content. Let me know if I can do anything for you.
 

Ponder

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Thanks @Croot_Overlord - I think I should be ok just to continue as is. Trying to be honest with myself and others and hopefully in that process not rock the boat too much. I'll probably just hang in here for a whiles and use this space as is. It's been very helpful for me as I am still early in with the process of cleaning up my act. Admittedly during this phase I am in, I will struggle to make sense at times.

Your understanding and encouragement is both admired and appreciated. I'll head back to bed. ZZZzzz
 

Ponder

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Spiritual Perception: Creativity & Connections - Ramble on Brothers Death & Giving Up Christianity:​

early-morning-fog.png


Day-10.png
Photography used to be another hobby of mine where I would use my images and combine them with others to come up with visual concepts without taking in the opinions of others. The image above, within the eye, was actually taken back around 2014. (At the time of my brothers demise / RIP BRO 🤛 May your journey be at an end 🌞 ) This was at another coastal location not to far from where I live. I dated as now, because I only just threw that render together this morning. I'll be looking to draw from hundreds to thousands of my own photos and regain much of the creativity I have lost over the last ten years.

It was actually not the long after the petrol can episode and the employment agency that I was rubber stamped / pensioned off. They finally got the message I had been trying to tell them for so many years. "I do not belong in your world!" Once I was sectioned off, things did improve; at least for a time. I no longer had to think and prove, lie and cheat, in order to fit this square peg into their round holes. Not everyone has the strength to prove such a point. It was through the power of intention I did what I did.

Unfortunately for my brother, he was opposed to my diversion from Christianity. As my take was slowly turning back then. He continued looking to the church for validation where in the end he struggled with acceptance. More over, being accepted. Thankfully before he passed I was able to get in one last visit. It was then that he foretold his death. I felt it in my bones when he professed it. He had a coat with several pockets and a pharmacy within + many illicit drugs. But that was not just it - Given the state of the housing block where he live (remind me of prison yard which we both knew well enough) To be sure I got a call, not long after he was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia, that he was dead. Whilst it was a concoction of drugs that got him in the end, I knew it went much deeper than that. Deep down he had a heart of gold which was actually plain enough to see for those who were willing to look and listen. No different than I and most others I know. Very devout and loyal to his faith, yet it was still rejection in the end that did him in. I still to this day refer to his last ditch label as religiously induced. I've been close to more than a few people with schizophrenia and nearly all of them were in some way hung up on some aspect of relgion; Christianity. But I digress:

Well ... whilst those that never really knew him, buried him in his Sunday Best - I had finally started to part ways from the biggest hold on my life. In the same way my brother was rejected, I in turn rejected that which did him. I started praying to myself. This was a huge step. Although not as simple as that. It was more the beginning of a new process for me. I grabbed my camera and looked at the world in a new light. Far from healed, I just started connecting with nature as my only source for making connections. I never joined any pro photography sights. It was not about that. In fact most of what I was reading in such places re pixels and gloss seemed to completely miss the point of what I thought using images could be.

It was an honor to know my brother. His depth of knowledge and spirit far surpassed those that rejected him. The hardships we endured although not wished for, or one's I choose to see as a requirement, (more so needless) instilled a spiritual perspective that once again far exceed those whom only serve self. Although his passing left a huge hole in my being it is by far more, the ongoing and growing rejection of this world that presses on me. Pretty much the same thing that took my brother out despite his own choices. Choice is not always what is seems. Especially once you understand the coding.

I'm here to hopefully get back up on my two feet and write about some of those things. I know I keep saying I want to convey on topics as centralized power - BUT - I just don't know whether that is the way to go. Like feelings it can be beneficial to acknowledge them - in fact maybe that is more the requirement in order to negate suffering rather than adopt beliefs that promote suffering. To acknowledge and understand our emotion - to accept them as is, rather than reject them as has been the primary programming. Acceptance is a big deal when is comes to deprogramming. This is not the first time unplugging for me. What people don't get is just how quickly the tendrils grow back looking to reconnect with that which is more powerful ← at least in this realm. That just it and a key that most do not get and one which I often 'forget!' Forgetting fits into the aspect of distraction - redirection. The way in which plays out in the world of the whole ... fades real fast now as I come close to making such a crucial point.

Whole ... as in majority plugged in Vs those struggling with flaying tendrils whilst the seeker still struggles with seeking. The longer the tendrils grow, the more quickly one forgets and reconnection takes place to that which they think is another realm that ultimately resides within the same system. For me such a system includes the concepts of cosmos to solar, all the way back down to earth bound. All the theories ever uttered ... all the radio waves ever ejected. In my world I see it more as another universe that can be accessed via portals of our own creation. The only hope I see for the world of tendrils is if there is a supernova! That being regardless of the fact the we live in a neighborhood where the sun will instead engulf this planet in a wave of heat that will see mankind become extinct. To me, that's still grand!

For some, such thoughts bring about fear as commonly taught, but for me such thought warms my heart and paves the way to no more flaying tendrils.

Following image a favorite of mine. Taken with a cheap compact and whilst the data is of little consequence to me, I do remember burning out the sensor of my wife's camera with this image. I am always drawn to the sun (trance like) and when writing like this ... and connecting like that ... that's when I care less what is true or not. Although the caring less is something I need to be mindful of. Until next post - Keep a check on those tendrils! :)

Southern-Hemispher.jpg
 
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Croot_Overlord

John
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Joined
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Messages
12,077

Spiritual Perception: Creativity & Connections - Ramble on Brothers Death & Giving Up Christianity:​

early-morning-fog.png


Day-10.png
Photography used to be another hobby of mine where I would use my images and combine them with others to come up with visual concepts without taking in the opinions of others. The image above, within the eye, was actually taken back around 2014. (At the time of my brothers demise / RIP BRO 🤛 May your journey be at an end 🌞 ) This was at another coastal location not to far from where I live. I dated as now, because I only just threw that render together this morning. I'll be looking to draw from hundreds to thousands of my own photos and regain much of the creativity I have lost over the last ten years.

It was actually not the long after the petrol can episode and the employment agency that I was rubber stamped / pensioned off. They finally got the message I had been trying to tell them for so many years. "I do not belong in your world!" Once I was sectioned off, things did improve; at least for a time. I no longer had to think and prove, lie and cheat, in order to fit this square peg into their round holes. Not everyone has the strength to prove such a point. It was through the power of intention I did what I did.

Unfortunately for my brother, he was opposed to my diversion from Christianity. As my take was slowly turning back then. He continued looking to the church for validation where in the end he struggled with acceptance. More over, being accepted. Thankfully before he passed I was able to get in one last visit. It was then that he foretold his death. I felt it in my bones when he professed it. He had a coat with several pockets and a pharmacy within + many illicit drugs. But that was not just it - Given the state of the housing block where he live (remind me of prison yard which we both knew well enough) To be sure I got a call, not long after he was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia, that he was dead. Whilst it was a concoction of drugs that got him in the end, I knew it went much deeper than that. Deep down he had a heart of gold which was actually plain enough to see for those who were willing to look and listen. No different than I and most others I know. Very devout and loyal to his faith, yet it was still rejection in the end that did him in. I still to this day refer to his last ditch label as religiously induced. I've been close to more than a few people with schizophrenia and nearly all of them were in some way hung up on some aspect of relgion; Christianity. But I digress:

Well ... whilst those that never really knew him, buried him in his Sunday Best - I had finally started to part ways from the biggest hold on my life. In the same way my brother was rejected, I in turn rejected that which did him. I started praying to myself. This was a huge step. Although not as simple as that. It was more the beginning of a new process for me. I grabbed my camera and looked at the world in a new light. Far from healed, I just started connecting with nature as my only source for making connections. I never joined any pro photography sights. It was not about that. In fact most of what I was reading in such places re pixels and gloss seemed to completely miss the point of what I thought using images could be.

It was an honor to know my brother. His depth of knowledge and spirit far surpassed those that rejected him. The hardships we endured although not wished for, or one's I choose to see as a requirement, (more so needless) instilled a spiritual perspective that once again far exceed those whom only serve self. Although his passing left a huge hole in my being it is by far more, the ongoing and growing rejection of this world that presses on me. Pretty much the same thing that took my brother out despite his own choices. Choice is not always what is seems. Especially once you understand the coding.

I'm here to hopefully get back up on my two feet and write about some of those things. I know I keep saying I want to convey on topics as centralized power - BUT - I just don't know whether that is the way to go. Like feelings it can be beneficial to acknowledge them - in fact maybe that is more the requirement in order to negate suffering rather than adopt beliefs that promote suffering. To acknowledge and understand our emotion - to accept them as is, rather than reject them as has been the primary programming. Acceptance is a big deal when is comes to deprogramming. This is not the first time unplugging for me. What people don't get is just how quickly the tendrils grow back looking to reconnect with that which is more powerful ← at least in this realm. That just it and a key that most do not get and one which I often 'forget!' Forgetting fits into the aspect of distraction - redirection. The way in which plays out in the world of the whole ... fades real fast now as I come close to making such a crucial point.

Whole ... as in majority plugged in Vs those struggling with flaying tendrils whilst the seeker still struggles with seeking. The longer the tendrils grow, the more quickly one forgets and reconnection takes place to that which they think is another realm that ultimately resides within the same system. For me such a system includes the concepts of cosmos to solar, all the way back down to earth bound. All the theories ever uttered ... all the radio waves ever ejected. In my world I see it more as another universe that can be accessed via portals of our own creation. The only hope I see for the world of tendrils is if there is a supernova! That being regardless of the fact the we live in a neighborhood where the sun will instead engulf this planet in a wave of heat that will see mankind become extinct. To me, that's still grand!

For some, such thoughts bring about fear as commonly taught, but for me such thought warms my heart and paves the way to no more flaying tendrils.

Following image a favorite of mine. Taken with a cheap compact and whilst the data is of little consequence to me, I do remember burning out the sensor of my wife's camera with this image. I am always drawn to the sun (trance like) and when writing like this ... and connecting like that ... that's when I care less what is true or not. Although the caring less is something I need to be mindful of. Until next post - Keep a check on those tendrils! :)

Southern-Hemispher.jpg
About 15 years ago I was committed to a mental hospital for drug induced psychosis. I battled addiction my whole life and finally got clean and sober in 2013, and clean ever since. I recognize that there is no guarantee I will stay this way I just take it one day at a time.

Amazing photos you have there. I have never really been able to express myself through general artistic mediums, but I do my best creating some blends of business/technology. I create the vision and fortunately I have many friends and coworkers that have much deeper levels of skill complete the work. This website is my greatest work yet, from a sense of bringing an idea to fruition. My hope is to leverage this project and continue to build on the digital frontier. I’ve got another side project that I’ve been working with some friends, it has just taken longer than expected to get it off the ground, but I hope and plan to blend the technology with this website.

I understand your comment about tendrils. My life has been a constant cycle freeing myself and then getting wrapped back up. I’ve been trapped in my head for the better part of a year and I would like to get out and be more mindful again. It’s not so bad being trapped in my head, but it tends to make me more prone to being selfish and irritable. Not really much peace, but I do sometimes enjoy the internal dialogue as long as my stress is low.
 
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Ponder

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Really appreciate that share @Croot_Overlord. It helps me more than you know. I can really appreciate just what an achievement that is. I have a very high respect for one day at a time. Now that you have shared that with me I think I understand a little more why you do such a good job at running this place. Regardless of my own reservations and conflicting views I can see you got skills and deserve all the success you’re working towards.

Thanks for the kind words. I have tried myself with a forum or two using phpBB. The fact you have this place grooving with flowing traffic speaks volumes about yourself and your support group. Given the hurdles you have overcome, I’m sure your lead the way to achieving more re you side quest.

I’ll try to keep my journal like thread relevant to some aspects of current events, but for now enjoy rattling my cage whilst still in the detox phase. I’m kind of weaving a perspective that leads into subjects that anyone reading might understand my context. At the end of the day I am my own audience as well. Unfortunately, most of my stories have not been permitted by most mainstream forums. Running my own … well I admit it was lonely. So you see, I really am grateful.

This time It is I that thank you for opening up. : D I’ll probably be drawing from Eckhart Tolle as I go along. He has a way of keeping those cycles in check for me. Generally, when I have let myself go and then race to comeback, I’ll typically hit the gym with lived experience and pump myself all the way back up. Whilst I know this works well for other people it is no longer the case for me. Full respect to those making it work. I too sense those selfish traits you mentioned and also do not like being cocky. Said traits are only increasing and shows all the more as I get older when working like so on my exterior. Such a tact on striving is not good for my being/episodes. I struggle with an off switch kind of thing. I've ended up in hospital more than a few times because I don't know when to stop. I am glad I had an accident that severely smashed my shoulder. It has slowed me down in a way that I'm grateful. Now I have to live life a lot more mindful which when I am allowing my cycles to be as they are … it’s easier to sustain and the highs and lows are nowhere near as problematic.

Is early evening here … I’ll probably post again my morning. That is the best time for me. Pleased to say that whilst I am having a little difficulty sleeping … I’m still on track with my mindful recovery. Doing my best to keep focused and in routine. Here's to Day by Day

Another favorite of mine whilst out with my camera the year before last:
Recovery.jpg



Thanks for the SPACE :)

Spaceship700-32bit.gif
 
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Ponder

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Day-11.png
Going to give the narrative in my head a break today. Is good enough to report I am focusing well enough. I did however, get caught out in the rain today half hour into one of my hour walks which I am please to say is now a thing. I only wish I could find a pair a decent shoes for less than $200au. Alas I really got to invest in a decent pair to maintain my current pace. I guess it won't be so much of an issue if I can drop 20kg. Generally I used to be able to lose 20 to 30+kg in the not so long distant past. I think this time around will involve more smooth sailing. Famous last words but I'm up for it. As long as I can post those numbers day by day, I'll be on track and already where I need to be. I'm in no rush as can already experiencing the benefits.

People-1.png


Whilst taking a break from writing so much I'll instead share the following. I find it easy listening but have been hearing this guy out for quite some time. Usually takes me a few rounds before it all sinks in but these days it seems to hit the mark more often than not. Helps me understand the myself and likewise insanity in the world. Is good to know in that I am not alone. : D

_______________

EDIT: Perhaps the following may be of more interest and relevant to today's world events.
It's also only 4 minutes or so long.

 
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Croot_Overlord

John
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Day-11.png
Going to give the narrative in my head a break today. Is good enough to report I am focusing well enough. I did however, get caught out in the rain today half hour into one of my hour walks which I am please to say is now a thing. I only wish I could find a pair a decent shoes for less than $200au. Alas I really got to invest in a decent pair to maintain my current pace. I guess it won't be so much of an issue if I can drop 20kg. Generally I used to be able to lose 20 to 30+kg in the not so long distant past. I think this time around will involve more smooth sailing. Famous last words but I'm up for it. As long as I can post those numbers day by day, I'll be on track and already where I need to be. I'm in no rush as can already experiencing the benefits.

People-1.png


Whilst taking a break from writing so much I'll instead share the following. I find it easy listening but have been hearing this guy out for quite some time. Usually takes me a few rounds before it all sinks in but these days it seems to hit the mark more often than not. Helps me understand the myself and likewise insanity in the world. Is good to know in that I am not alone. : D

_______________

EDIT: Perhaps the following may be of more interest and relevant to today's world events.
It's also only 4 minutes or so long.

A saying that I try to remember that I was reminded of by the bottom video is: “Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth”

I’m hoping that following along with you here will help set me off on another cycle of positive growth. I’m not sure exactly what it means for me, but most simply I believe that I need to be reconnected to the present moment.
 

Ponder

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Day-12.png
That's beautiful Croot. Whilst I am not into needless suffering, pain is simply an avoidable ingredient to existence. I'm at a loss for words thinking on that saying you just mentioned. Hit's the mark and quite relevant to my mornings events. I'll do well to remember that one. TY.

Really appreciate the support and understanding to what this thread means to me and how it helps. Keeping a grip in current times is really hard for us all. One plus for an super user like me is that all this focus on routine and getting out of my room whether that be my bedroom, loungeroom or office where I'm constantly detached from said now, is that I have been very much in the moment focusing mostly on moving and breathing. That's kind of how far I regressed sitting so long in front of my screen and keyboard.

Is all go though ... slowly finding balance now which means most of the time I now sit down I can focus more. Touch Wood : except now I find being in a busy household and with new time constraints that this post is a bit rushed. :)

So it is I'll just log the dry details but is also positive and encouraging for me:
The morning of day 12 is now a lot more disciplined. Waking up at 5:15am and meetup with a friend who needs a kick in the ass to get going. So it is that I find myself playing the role of drill sergeant, less I have to do it on my own if I find the sail knocked out of me wind with others not turning up on time. I'm a bit of a stickler with times and keeping focused once I make up my mind. Early days yet to tell if this partnership will work out but I remain hopeful and he did seem appreciate by the end of the mornings bout; as did I.

The focus today is to spend more time outside, research some kind of exercise aid in the home for when it rain and or just to keep myself moving + invest in suitable clothing.

Other than that I am still working on the psychology of making healthy choices in a house full of others eating all the addictive foods that I struggle with. For instance when the cleaner cooks food for my wife I still find my senses climbing the walls as I smell the aromas of caramelized flavors. I got to the fridge looking for my carrots to only first stumble upon several Mars Bars situated at my eye level being at the closest point to me head when opening the door. It's little things like that I am still finding tempting at this point. It like this all over the house. lol

Not a problem for many I know, but whilst sitting in my room for the last few years full time plugged in - I've also been eating myself to death. Day 12 marks the turn around point but as having a chronic predisposing to addiction it only takes one Mars Bar - Or like at Xmas when on Day 31 ... One God Damn Slice of Ham!!! For now I have to be like NO to everything ... although admittedly there is still a lot of room for improvement. More meaning my portion controls whilst no eating clean for me, could do with improving.

All in good time. Not to look at options for a remedial device in the home.

May this find you well and you have a cracking day!
 

Ponder

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Day-13.png
Sore and stiff to the max but I'm holding the line on all counts! I'm not sure what has overcome me. I posted out in the main and started interacting. Don't worry I'll keep a check on that. :)

Time to throw on some relaxation study vibes that help me tune in and spur myself on during this time being one that I need to keep moving. After this post I'll go for a long ride.

I also draw from my well of shutter clicks:
Rest-Area.jpg


This one being where I built a rest area for my son and I as would come for camps. All done with hiking gear. This was quite a few years ago now. My son now has now moved to the big city studying linguistics and going to move to South Korea and teach English. I have a very multicultural family from Singapore, Malta, German with my family having strong Jewish genes via England & Poland/Russia now with South Korean in the mix. My son grew up questioning all of his teachers and is much better off for it. I was born in Australia but don't remember having a choice. :ROFLMAO:

My-son-I.jpg


I decided it was the wrong way to go re the shack we built as the area is often back burned with small controlled fires as a precautionary measure to the many bush fires we tend to get. Having structures in the line of fire raises the flames into the tops of the tree which results in a runaway fire. I even dismantled the make shift toilet and spread the lumber around to minimize the impact. It was fun whilst it lasted despite the morality many would make of such a thing. Getting too anal about it would mean we would never be allowed outside our front door so in that light I don't mind stealth camping (in the hills) in order to get away from a place that is slowly strangling me. Morbid I know ... I'm not a fan of town living but do it for my family who heavily rely on town services. I was basically raised in villages and prefer to wonder the ranges.

Anyways ... that's that little story. Is truth enough.

Righto ... time to get some more sun and work on my hardware in order to corrupt my programming. lol - You know whilst I put that book down, it's definitely got me thinking in terms of language used.

I keep on keeping on. Adios until next post! (y)
 
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Ponder

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Day-14.png
It's still hard yakka just getting out of bed but in terms of being determined things are processing smoothly. Don't mind the intrusion re the need to my style of programming. I'm now thinking of EMF radiation so might offer something that falls in line with the run of the mill narratives soon enough. For now I prefer to counter such issues by thinking of things that keep me grounded. In doing so I sense I create a shield or filter regardless of what is flowing through me. I've been electrocuted more than once involving an ambulance being called where I just continue on as normal. I tend to output a lot of heat which is why I no longer sleep with my wife. My body heat triggers my wife's MS which required us moving location into a region with more even temperatures. Is not an uncommon response to autoimmune diseases. In fact my wife's condition has lead to a point that we no longer have sex. That's another story and something that rates higher on my list of issues re most soap box presentations.
______________________

This image being from my beach combing days where my back door was virtually on the ocean. That chair fits into my little bag there and in the location offered Stella views and the best medication:

Beachcombing.jpg

Unfortunately it's another rushed day where I can only access my car for a short period of time before my wife is using it as she does most of the time. Which for the most part is fine by me. I do not like the traffic in this town at all and since the last road rage incident don't mind saying I'm still recovering from that. Outside from a mental health perspective is really a challenge for me.

Currently in the process of buying all my clothes which I don't do for years at a time. It can be such a chore trying everything on but is what I prefer to do rather than just relying on sizes then having to go back for forwards. I am very particular with how clothes fit and feel.

Right now I'm kind of dealing with tensions re how my friend is being deal with by Mental Health Services re is Involuntary Treatment Order which I think is worth a write up but finding the strength whilst putting in so much effort re my weight loss is not so easy. The conflicts in the way they are lording over him in contrast to their own policies and guidelines requires legal assistance. I think about that later as of for now it is good that he is hitting the pavement with me early in the mornings and making the most of things. He is at least now doing something about it all that which was before; just repeating. I basically had to tell him I don't want to hear about it unless your doing something about it. I know that sounds hardcore but the same goes with me. I am sick of whining about life without actually doing anything about it.

I guess it comes down to the doing though and everyone's capacity is different which is why I gave my friend the choice not to show up re my early morning starts but I was still happy to go out later in the day. Like I know I am having a bitch now ... but that is exactly how this space works re a time and a place. So far it's working! This morning I could feel myself getting stronger re two fat whales bouncing up and down local streets. I just need another 30 days before I unleash! Laughs out loud. Hopefully no hospitals or radiology needed this time around. Fuck I hate those places. Places of so called healing that I find extremely toxic.

My greatest wish is to die in my own home at a time of my choosing. There is a lot in that statement and sadly very few people get to achieve that this day and age. Unless of course you live in the US and can't afford the toxic privileges of dyeing in a very noise hospital being looked over by 100% robots. What I here is over there they put a LOT of people dyeing back onto the pavement if they do not have medical insurance or something like that. Perhaps I am wrong? I know the issues with homeless camps seems to be only getting worse. Sadly as Australia and more so called allied countries who follow suit, so to are the same problems quickly developing for those following along. At the end of the day such outcomes really show the flaws in that which others we are all conditioned to invest and beleive. Thus the perpetual conflict prompted at such gatherings as ushered out of the mouths of whoever is in. No one is every happy with whose doing the speech. Yet the process of such toxicity is always welcomed that being the wind that never sees the fat lady sing. On and on and on with the same BS - and people always falling for the same thing.

Sorry to of gone on ... time is getting away on me and I must go do my thing. Is when I talk like that I am quickly shut down by other forums which is a reminder of why I am here saying such things. I only wish more people had the drive to get back up and empower themselves without the desire to play such BS games. Nevertheless ... I mean not to upset others by choosing to stay the fuck well and truly out of such rings.

This being me back in 2014 on a piece of land several people think they own. I was over caring about boarder disputes at that stage & still feel the same way. I simply leave no trace and just deal with whatever comes as it comes. I care less for anonymity as have nothing to hide. I too, am not freighted off with digital privacy as the years I spent looking up from the gutter when waking up back then saw me that target of more than the worst you'll get online. To be sure it leaves a permanent effect but also offers great insight as well. There is a fire still within but I do well to simmer it with each phase I continue to go through ... at least whilst I am still breathing. Makes no sense to allow the thoughts of others to make us suffer any more than we need. On that score I support end of life assist ... but whilst I choose to live ... Is best to keep stoking the fire but not so much as to trigger disasters.


Hanging.jpg

Yea - kind of chuckles but fuck man ... the power mongers and all those thriving on that shit ... yea ... is hard to keep the flames just right. All good - no petrol can in sight for me.

Edit - rages can be a thing when I am pushing myself like so and still detoxing but all this is pretty mild so far. I'm keeping it mindful. :)(y)

Adios ... until day 15!
 
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Croot_Overlord

John
Administrator
Founder
Joined
Dec 1, 2020
Messages
12,077
Day-14.png
It's still hard yakka just getting out of bed but in terms of being determined things are processing smoothly. Don't mind the intrusion re the need to my style of programming. I'm now thinking of EMF radiation so might offer something that falls in line with the run of the mill narratives soon enough. For now I prefer to counter such issues by thinking of things that keep me grounded. In doing so I sense I create a shield or filter regardless of what is flowing through me. I've been electrocuted more than once involving an ambulance being called where I just continue on as normal. I tend to output a lot of heat which is why I no longer sleep with my wife. My body heat triggers my wife's MS which required us moving location into a region with more even temperatures. Is not an uncommon response to autoimmune diseases. In fact my wife's condition has lead to a point that we no longer have sex. That's another story and something that rates higher on my list of issues re most soap box presentations.
______________________

This image being from my beach combing days where my back door was virtually on the ocean. That chair fits into my little bag there and in the location offered Stella views and the best medication:

Beachcombing.jpg

Unfortunately it's another rushed day where I can only access my car for a short period of time before my wife is using it as she does most of the time. Which for the most part is fine by me. I do not like the traffic in this town at all and since the last road rage incident don't mind saying I'm still recovering from that. Outside from a mental health perspective is really a challenge for me.

Currently in the process of buying all my clothes which I don't do for years at a time. It can be such a chore trying everything on but is what I prefer to do rather than just relying on sizes then having to go back for forwards. I am very particular with how clothes fit and feel.

Right now I'm kind of dealing with tensions re how my friend is being deal with by Mental Health Services re is Involuntary Treatment Order which I think is worth a write up but finding the strength whilst putting in so much effort re my weight loss is not so easy. The conflicts in the way they are lording over him in contrast to their own policies and guidelines requires legal assistance. I think about that later as of for now it is good that he is hitting the pavement with me early in the mornings and making the most of things. He is at least now doing something about it all that which was before; just repeating. I basically had to tell him I don't want to hear about it unless your doing something about it. I know that sounds hardcore but the same goes with me. I am sick of whining about life without actually doing anything about it.

I guess it comes down to the doing though and everyone's capacity is different which is why I gave my friend the choice not to show up re my early morning starts but I was still happy to go out later in the day. Like I know I am having a bitch now ... but that is exactly how this space works re a time and a place. So far it's working! This morning I could feel myself getting stronger re two fat whales bouncing up and down local streets. I just need another 30 days before I unleash! Laughs out loud. Hopefully no hospitals or radiology needed this time around. Fuck I hate those places. Places of so called healing that I find extremely toxic.

My greatest wish is to die in my own home at a time of my choosing. There is a lot in that statement and sadly very few people get to achieve that this day and age. Unless of course you live in the US and can't afford the toxic privileges of dyeing in a very noise hospital being looked over by 100% robots. What I here is over there they put a LOT of people dyeing back onto the pavement if they do not have medical insurance or something like that. Perhaps I am wrong? I know the issues with homeless camps seems to be only getting worse. Sadly as Australia and more so called allied countries who follow suit, so to are the same problems quickly developing for those following along. At the end of the day such outcomes really show the flaws in that which others we are all conditioned to invest and beleive. Thus the perpetual conflict prompted at such gatherings as ushered out of the mouths of whoever is in. No one is every happy with whose doing the speech. Yet the process of such toxicity is always welcomed that being the wind that never sees the fat lady sing. On and on and on with the same BS - and people always falling for the same thing.

Sorry to of gone on ... time is getting away on me and I must go do my thing. Is when I talk like that I am quickly shut down by other forums which is a reminder of why I am here saying such things. I only wish more people had the drive to get back up and empower themselves without the desire to play such BS games. Nevertheless ... I mean not to upset others by choosing to stay the fuck well and truly out of such rings.

This being me back in 2014 on a piece of land several people think they own. I was over caring about boarder disputes at that stage & still feel the same way. I simply leave no trace and just deal with whatever comes as it comes. I care less for anonymity as have nothing to hide. I too, am not freighted off with digital privacy as the years I spent looking up from the gutter when waking up back then saw me that target of more than the worst you'll get online. To be sure it leaves a permanent effect but also offers great insight as well. There is a fire still within but I do well to simmer it with each phase I continue to go through ... at least whilst I am still breathing. Makes no sense to allow the thoughts of others to make us suffer any more than we need. On that score I support end of life assist ... but whilst I choose to live ... Is best to keep stoking the fire but not so much as to trigger disasters.


Hanging.jpg

Yea - kind of chuckles but fuck man ... the power mongers and all those thriving on that shit ... yea ... is hard to keep the flames just right. All good - no petrol can in sight for me.

Edit - rages can be a thing when I am pushing myself like so and still detoxing but all this is pretty mild so far. I'm keeping it mindful. :)(y)

Adios ... until day 15!
I’m with you on the whole internet anonymity thing. I used to be very careful about trying to protect my security and privacy. I tried to be “invisible” on the internet


But the effort it takes to do that and keep it up is no where near worth the squeeze, especially when you have a family that doesn’t want to participate.

It was kind of a game at first, and then slowly turned into an obsession, and then finally a zero fucks given situation.

Now I go with the “red herring” approach. I click on ads, politics, and general interest topics that have nothing to do with my interests. So now my game is just to confuse my digital psychological profile as much as possible. I’ve even got a bit lazy with that lately though, but in the end none of it really matters. I guess there is some practical reasoning for handling it that way, but I need to be careful when something amusing turns to something I believe to be necessarily practical and then turns into an obsession. But no matter how these “journeys” in life go, there is always some learning that happens.

I appreciate your stream of consciousness approach to posting and it’s the way I’ve always liked to communicate as well, but I think the lack of structure really trips a lot of people up. Not me though, because it’s how I think

Cheers mate, looking forward to the next post

One of my girls fell asleep on my shoulder the other night while she was watching my play video games (I have twin 6 y/o girls)

30A6F59E-D37E-428C-93C6-3F84B999625E.jpeg
 

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Day-15.png
So you got two for the price of one hey. : D I can see the resemblance. Nice Pic. Thanks for the share. Yea the whole privy BS is deep across the board from where in the end it's actually more about control than it is freedom. If more people did not give a fuck and question why when attending medical facilities with their loved ones, why the fuck are they talking to bots that only hand out information after separating loved ones? Sorry - Your not privy to that information ... all the way down to Sorry you can't come in, but after they are dead you can take a squiz! Perhaps not quite as black and white as that - but it is the paper work in-between and the guidelines repeated by bots that allude to a controlling system that divides. Thus there is no unity in community. The tech and algorithm that ever increasing complex language that paves the way on human interaction is seeing the reconstruction of what it means to be human. Yet people lap it up like starving cattle and molasses. Basically the online manipulation is as much evident in our daily offline interactions within - and now I laugh → So called structure. In fact that fear of being seen - is the same with people when out and about. Thus we also live in an age of Plastic People.

Now is a good time to quote By Albert Einstein:
"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots."

Whilst the context of that quote involves a letter and is aimed towards the issue the of the atomic bomb, it also fits very well in an age of immature humans not able to keep pace with technological advancements on a phycological level. Technologists hate that quote. I love it!

Smiles @ lack of structure but gets what you mean. I am sure that it very much the case - but a filer I much prefer. I remind myself and others I am my own audience when it comes to such fallibility. Nothing to read, nothing to prove being one of many ideal ways in which to stream in a world that requires no evidence. Meanwhile we spend too much time on the other end of the projection. Matters little in said space at which level I am read or what others think in terms of misconceptions. That is to say I'll try not to trigger. There is indeed very much a structure, just not one from that of main stream ways of thinking. I say adios to that universe completely.
______________________________________

When ever you see a line like that - it's but of my structure. Think a black transition fading into a new scene.
____________________

I MUST GO BACK and search for that game you posted about. Something Souls? Dark Souls. I have 1 & 2 ... I will go see if I can get a cheap steam key on 3. I'm not much into the zombie games - way to repetitive even for a tard like me. I could right a book about my preferences and why, but for now is more about making ground on hard core difficulty. That I find more relaxing as opposed to repetitive shooting or the same moves over and over. Long bouts of traveling I also like where games are not so linear but is hard to have it all kind of thing.

Anyways - Nice chatting.

PS - My style of thread may very well be distracting for others. Like speaking of structure, perhaps it is worth considering doing a subsection in the forum" Perhaps you could burry this thread deeper under another category? You never know it may inspire others to start their own mini blog or journal. People tend to open up more when encompassed in a space more aimed at being theirs. Either way I am happy to continue as is.
 
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Croot_Overlord

John
Administrator
Founder
Joined
Dec 1, 2020
Messages
12,077
Here is a thread about the game:


It’s an incredible game.

Forgive me for saying lack of structure, that probably wasn’t the best way to communicate it. I actually meant that as a complement:)

Rather than saying lack of structure, maybe I should have focused on the flow of the style.

By lack of structure, I mean lack of the structure of a traditional message board post. Lack of the standardized essay format we learn from school.

I know what you mean about filing, and I know what you mean stating that you are as much, if not more, your own audience than everyone else.

picking up some prescriptions now, I’ll catch up more later
 

Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Day-16.png
Just about to head out and start bouncing up and down the local roads once more. Nar man - is all me. I did understand you were being kind re streaming thoughts and also being similar in the processing type of thing. The struggle I have with the topic itself is very much about how so many others over time have ... hmmm ... have brought such up in a negative light. TLDR (then respond as if they understand without having read) It's not so much as offensive as it is frustrating at times. My dancing around that fact (nothing to do with you but more so historical issues) with my last post was just in resistance with that word. So in that light you were not to know my sensitives re my thoughts on such. Is all good - I apricate the acklodgment as it was meant. I was also thankful for it despite my own resistance to the term - many people also go on about format like they do grammar. Just another BS thing. I think it is the exercise that is peeling layers of me at this current time.
____________________

I'm still really sore from the exercise but want to keep it going as it's the only way for me now to get on top of myself. Is hard to find the right words at the best of times. I often switch between writing formats - from loose to point form. Each has their pros and cons.

I'll probably post again as just wanted to explain and reconnect before heading out the door still half asleep. : D

I'm still thinking of paying for a little space to start my own blog where I can really open up full bore ... kind of thing. More so to write about all the methodologies that Mental Health invalidate by saying I need evidence to make a point when using anything outside medication to improve my life. Well ... at least that is what they are doing to my friend and it is fucking driving me up the wall the way he is being treated by said services. Grrrrrrrrrr They throw the term 'evidence based' around like it's a fucking ball and chin aiming at his head each time he uses anything other than chemical handcuffs to make gains.

Sigh ... that did feel good to let out though. I best head out now and keep encouraging him as he also does for me. On that note, I must once again thank you as well. (y)
_________________

Back to write up a little more on the things I need to continue doing for both my mind and body whilst I kind of fight my own little war.
 
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Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
Corrupt Mental Health Workers & Services in Australia.

Mental Health Robot Police with Emotionless Pitbull's in Plain Uniform on the Ready. A far cry from nursing staff and wardens where the syringe is the method of fulltime constraints. The only way out is an agreement to 'ongoing treatment' where such compliance may result in discontinuation of Involuntary Treatment Order, one is still very much under house arrest going by said agreement.

These be the puppets going into peoples houses acting like jailers under that pretext of nursing. The doctors and therapists enlisted by the government are no more than prosecutors when themselves have to conform. Since the campaigning of CV19 it would appear that mental health services have escalated the use of medications so typically used to further victimize as they are prone to do. Such predisposition comes with the Job where most people in uniform typically give way to the negative affects of such services.

Only just touching on what I want to say but once again have to get going. Thus far is very hard to write from an objective point of view. How to deal with such corrupted services where the push for authority leads above all. Where the constraints overrule, invalidate and demean both a prisoners alternative treatments and state of being? See the contradictions?

Thank fuck I have just enough reserves to keep myself out of such a destructive loop. Basically my friends ordeal is trigging my own PTSD which I agree with my own Dx is quite complex and extreme.

I'll seek challenge the evidence base claims and how in their own quest to invalidate said 'efforts' of those seeking to improve without the need for toxic controls ... etc ...

Today I ring up and cancel my booster shot not because of any fears I have relating to that - but definitely in defiance to such control measures. FTW and all it has to offer full stop! I'm looking to improve my health not become a fucking BOT!

EDIT:
Worth Noting: As a participant on NDIS (National Disabitly 'Insurance' Scheme)the same discriminatory processes for identifying an individuals diagnose/s after the fact is purely based on type of medication and dose; nothing else. In fact a person's identity in this world is based on the same constraints regardless of whether from a mental health perspective of simply looking for a J-O-B

Righto ... on with disidentifying. Side Note* People over identifying with said labels and thrive in said forums (mental health) as to of variants where the programming of their exposure as to upbringing, schooling and so forth leads people to adopting all kids of maladjusted perspectives where so many defend whatever identity and all it's limitations. Whatever is easiest although again this being another story but being the shit I love to write about whilst having to endure this fucked up existence. Arrrr Praise the fucking Lord. Hallelujah - hallelujah - Osshcabudata yadda fuck yadda.

Breathe in breath out ... in with the good shit out with the bullshit ...
 
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Ponder

Leader
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
108
It's Day 17 but I think I'm going to take this ride some place else. The detox process is a lot slower and longer this time around as I struggle to reclaim my health at this juncture of my journey. EDIT: Due to a recent slur out in the main I have decided to leave this thread be, as in no longer going to delete it. This space has served a purpose quite well and for that I am thankful. (y)
 
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