Master Thread random post....some maybe NSFW

[quickfeet]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

another true story…..sorry it’s long…


at work…a potato farm…I may have been known at times to show a little plumbers butt…we had these two rednecks from Wachula, Florida working for us part time while we were planting potatoes…the two necks and myself would cut potatoes for seed every morning…we used a machine called a seed cutter….imagine that….I’d keep the machine loaded and keep an eye on things…the necks were there to cut pieces that the machine cut too big….potatoes aren’t round and therefore the machine isn’t perfect…so one day one of them figured he was gonna have some fun…his girlfriend or somebody was apparently on the rag so he brings an unused tampon with him to work that day…I’m up where they work and as I bend over for something he slips over and puts the tampon down the back of my pants into the crack of my ass…they had their laugh…I said good one and removed the tampon from my butt and stuck it in a plastic bag in my pocket and eventually put it in the door of my truck thinking I’d bide my time to use it myself…the ‘necks used to go to a nearby convenience store every morning to get drinks and snacks…Mr. Tampon..I’ll call him MT..always got this huge fountain drink called a Big Gulp…we loaded the cut seed on big trucks to take to the field to plant…we cut them one day and planted them the next day so as to let the cuts dry…MT always moved the trucks after they were loaded around the barn to dry in the sun while his buddy brought up a new truck…about 2 weeks had passed since MT had his laugh and I decided he wouldn’t have his guard up…when he moved the trucks he’d leave his Big Gulp on a shelf….so while he’s moving a truck one day right after a break I headed for his drink…while they were at the store I had retrieved the tampon…so I removed the Big Gulp lid..shoved the tampon into the drink and put the lid back on….his buddy saw this and I threatened to whip his ass if he said anything….hell…he was wanting to see this….we resume cutting seed….so I’m standing there and waiting on MT to take a few good sips…he does so….I look over at him and say you know…people will fuck with your drinks around here…MT says yeah yeah I fucked with yours…I go no you really better check yours…so he takes the lid off and notices a strategically placed string and pulls it out of his drink with this big swollen tampon….I say you recognize that?…..that’s the tampon you put down the crack of my ass….he gets this awful expression and then starts throwing up and spitting….his buddy is laughing his ass off….I found it humorous myself…he was a cocky little bastard and this hurt him bad….he of course tried a few times to pay me back to no avail…in the end the fucker got what he deserved and I got my satisfaction

 

[shiv]

another true story…..sorry it’s long…


at work…a potato farm…I may have been known at times to show a little plumbers butt…we had these two rednecks from Wachula, Florida working for us part time while we were planting potatoes…the two necks and myself would cut potatoes for seed every morning…we used a machine called a seed cutter….imagine that….I’d keep the machine loaded and keep an eye on things…the necks were there to cut pieces that the machine cut too big….potatoes aren’t round and therefore the machine isn’t perfect…so one day one of them figured he was gonna have some fun…his girlfriend or somebody was apparently on the rag so he brings an unused tampon with him to work that day…I’m up where they work and as I bend over for something he slips over and puts the tampon down the back of my pants into the crack of my ass…they had their laugh…I said good one and removed the tampon from my butt and stuck it in a plastic bag in my pocket and eventually put it in the door of my truck thinking I’d bide my time to use it myself…the ‘necks used to go to a nearby convenience store every morning to get drinks and snacks…Mr. Tampon..I’ll call him MT..always got this huge fountain drink called a Big Gulp…we loaded the cut seed on big trucks to take to the field to plant…we cut them one day and planted them the next day so as to let the cuts dry…MT always moved the trucks after they were loaded around the barn to dry in the sun while his buddy brought up a new truck…about 2 weeks had passed since MT had his laugh and I decided he wouldn’t have his guard up…when he moved the trucks he’d leave his Big Gulp on a shelf….so while he’s moving a truck one day right after a break I headed for his drink…while they were at the store I had retrieved the tampon…so I removed the Big Gulp lid..shoved the tampon into the drink and put the lid back on….his buddy saw this and I threatened to whip his ass if he said anything….hell…he was wanting to see this….we resume cutting seed….so I’m standing there and waiting on MT to take a few good sips…he does so….I look over at him and say you know…people will fuck with your drinks around here…MT says yeah yeah I fucked with yours…I go no you really better check yours…so he takes the lid off a notices a strategically placed string and pulls it out of his drink with this big swollen tampon….I say you recognize that?…..that’s the tampon you put down the crack of my ass….he gets this awful expression and then starts throwing up and spitting….his buddy is laughing his ass off….I found it humorous myself…he was a cocky little bastard and this hurt him bad….he of course tried a few times to pay me back to no avail…in the end the fucker got what he deserved and I got my satisfaction

Best part was him throwing up

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

Best part was him throwing up

the look on his face when he realized where it came from was gratifying…if one ever met him the story would be greatly appreciated

 

[shiv]

the look on his face when he realized where it came from was gratifying…if one ever met him the story would be greatly appreciated

When I was in middle/high school my cousin was two years older. He took a big shit in the toilet that was a long continuous log. Well he was so proud of it he pulled it out of the house with a washcloth and chases me around the house with it. I got to the downstairs bathroom and shut the door and locked it but was gagging like a mofo. He is still basically my best friend but that was typical for what happened when we were together. Sounds like a story @Rebarcock. would appreciate. He likes sharing stories too

 

[TJHall1]

When I was in middle/high school my cousin was two years older. He took a big shit in the toilet that was a long continuous log. Well he was so proud of it he pulled it out of the house with a washcloth and chases me around the house with it. I got to the downstairs bathroom and shut the door and locked it but was gagging like a mofo. He is still basically my best friend but that was typical for what happened when we were together. Sounds like a story @Rebarcock. would appreciate. He likes sharing stories too

 

[laterallyshaking]

View attachment 75961

I knew you posted this one before I even looked at the name. 10/10. Trying to regain my composure.

 

[shiv]

I knew you posted this one before I even looked at the name. 10/10. Trying to regain my composure.

Pretty sure I stole that from *Eric

 

[laterallyshaking]

Pretty sure I stole that from *Eric

I must have missed that one if he sent it to the group. I love it.

 

[Wait What]

When I was in middle/high school my cousin was two years older. He took a big shit in the toilet that was a long continuous log. Well he was so proud of it he pulled it out of the house with a washcloth and chases me around the house with it. I got to the downstairs bathroom and shut the door and locked it but was gagging like a mofo. He is still basically my best friend but that was typical for what happened when we were together. Sounds like a story @Rebarcock. would appreciate. He likes sharing stories too

 

[TopHook]

out

 

[Wait What]

When I was in middle/high school my cousin was two years older. He took a big shit in the toilet that was a long continuous log. Well he was so proud of it he pulled it out of the house with a washcloth and chases me around the house with it. I got to the downstairs bathroom and shut the door and locked it but was gagging like a mofo. He is still basically my best friend but that was typical for what happened when we were together. Sounds like a story @Rebarcock. would appreciate. He likes sharing stories too

 

[shiv]

The first time he got high (and one of the first few times for me) his parents were out of town and one of my friends pulled up in the driveway to hot box his car. It was the first time I remember listening to music high and we listened to Come Sail Away and it blew my mind.

Well we got baked and went back inside his house. He went to take a shit (in the same bathroom I was hiding in before) and he started screaming and yelling because he thought his turd was never going to end (first time being high and all and experiencing the slowing down of time effect). Anyway I busted a gut laughing about that.

 

[shiv]

A couple weeks ago the wife and I were watching the new jumanji with the girls (6). At the end there is a very intense scary moment (the girls were very worried) and then Kevin Hart saves the day with animals and shouts “zoology bitch”. Hadley was so excited she shouted “zoology bitch” I laughed so hard for 5 minutes she still doesn’t even know she did anything wrong

 

[shiv]

I must have missed that one if he sent it to the group. I love it.

I steal a lot of his memes and post them in here. Need to get him back on here

 

[shiv]

Probably about 6 months back I was playing Final Fantasy 7 with the girls. We have a fun time playing all the old RPG/Adventure games together (on Ocarina of Time right now). We go to fight one of the main bosses and Hannah said “we’re gonna get that son of a Bitch”. I had to tell her it’s not appropriate to say and she was embarrassed, but cracked me up good.

I realized I should probably cut back on my saying of son of a bitch, but it’s a greeting a lot of my friends and I exchange instead of Hey (what’s goin on you old son of a bitch). Where that greeting came from is it’s own story:

I’ve always worked with engineers who are extremely up tight in general. There were a couple of us that didn’t give a shit about anything. Well there would always be construction workers in the building. One day my bud was taking a leak next to one of the construction guys and another one walked in and said “what’s goin on you old son of a bitch” and it made everyone extremely uncomfortable. So that’s how we say hey now

 

[Hotze]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

I was one mean drivin’ sumbitch on bumper cars…I always loved the stupid bastards that got pinned up in the corner about 10 seconds after it started and never got out…

---

 

[Hotze]

 

[absoluteUnit]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

 

[shiv]

 

[Oler Ted]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

meanwhile at the Clampetts….this may or may not be my granddaughter….

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

hell…I got dizzy….

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

made me laugh….

 

[TJHall1]

 

[Timothy]

 

[22*43*51]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

assuming this was done on purpose…

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

another JuliusLeroy true story….


the Southernmost fart

years ago the wife and are in Key West…we’ve done the Keys every year for at least one week for the past 25 years…early on when the Southernmost Point was a thing we were visiting there one day…parked the car not far from the buoy…after exiting the car I go to step off of the curb…as I do I start to roll my ankle…to keep from doing so I just go with it and fall face first out into the street…ankle’s good…but here’s where my wife’s favorite moment/memory of all-time kicks in…as the belly hits the ground I knock all the breath out of my lungs…anddd….the coup de grâce….one helluva fart….a magnificent double expulsion…so now I’m virtually devoid of all air in all ends and gasping and lying in the damn road…I think the smell was the least of my worries…guess who’s laughing her ass off…then…to the rescue…all of these little Japanese people arrive trying to assist me…every one of them is carrying 5 or 6 cameras…this is just great…so now I’m outta oxygen, floundering on the street and being beat in the head by countless cameras…you know who is enjoying every moment and to this day still laughs her ass off every time this story is told…and me….proud owner of the southernmost fart…

 

[Hotze]

holy shit dude is on fire!

 

[TopHook]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

it must be serious….

 

[JuliusLeRoy]

and this beauty made an appearance last night…