Good morning guys, wanted to provide some updates and rant a little bit. Although we still don’t have the report in hand, we expect to hear that it was listeria. It sounds like what happened is extremely rare. Mom had no clinical symptoms. There was no sign of infection anywhere but his lungs. Generally you see the infection through the baby’s organs. And the mom can show signs too, whether via fever and stomach issues or signs of infection. But here they found a very small amount of meconium in his lungs, and where there wasn’t meconium, listeria.
We’re getting along ok. I spent a lot of time preparing, and I made it through Will’s eulogy. People made sure to tell me prior to the funeral that it was ok if I didn’t. But I couldn’t fail this one. It wasn’t an option. It was one of the last things I could do for him. Getting through it is something I’ll always remember.
Last week we finally got in the crib and the nursery chair. We ordered those things back in April. Pottery Barn kids. So future dads order that shit ASAP or buy something in store. We put the crib together and put all of his stuffed animals inside. I haven’t spent much time in that room but in the next few weeks I’d like to get it all finalized. And then put up his pictures.
Grief is weird. I’ll go a day or two and feel somewhat normal. Then I’ll get hit in the face with sadness or anger. And then I remember that I’m not ok. Then, I have to remind myself that it’s ok not to be ok. Other times I’ll wake up with anticipation, like I did when Mrs Volvulus was pregnant. “He’s gotta be here soon,” “I can’t wait until he’s here.” And then I remember.
I’d like to reiterate one more time, fellas. Hug your little ones for us. Be appreciative for what you have. Because there is nothing I’d rather have than my boy.
Finally, today is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. At 7 PM, we’re joining others nationwide in lighting a candle of remembrance. If you haven’t had too many drinks, feel free to light one for Will
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