Boys and tgsio, I really fucked up and need help (advice)

[Ghost Hawg]

 

[AC2020]

Ugh, she's not worth it Opee.

Find someone nice.

 

[Tigerbomb]

Ignore her and basically reject her. Find another girlfriend and make sure she finds out.

They all want what they think they can't have.

Women that would look upon me with disgust before I was married now tolerate me.

 

[Cletusnow]

So, I was with my girlfriend for just over two years. At times it's was rocky, (my commitment phobia and her mood swings) and at times it's been very good, if not great. She's in her 30s and I'm in my 40s. Neither of us has been married and we are both doing well professionally, especially her. I'll spare you on the long details, but let's just say I fucked up royally and drove her away. She broke up with me in December, but I know she loves me, and I her.

I know, typical sob story. Guy doesnt appreciate girl, loses girl, tries to get her back.

I've spent much time since then reflecting on her and us. I've been fortunate (or unfortunate) to have been with some girls in the past and have been thru the shit that they pull off and get away with due to the fact their young and hot. This girl is (my opinion) attractive, so what I said prior isnt some slight. The thing that she isnt compared to the others is she is a genuinely good person. Perhaps most most decent girl I've ever dated ,which is high praise considering there's been a couple who are/where good women. Anyways, me fucking up made her do to me what I sort of did to her, keep her at a distance, but in her case push me away.

I hadn't seen her since mid December, although we would text a little bit, but more matter of fact stuff. I stopped by last week to drop off treats (birthday) for the dogs we adopted. She told me she started seeing someone. I talked about some of the reasons I pushed her away but told her I still love her and that I've been a fool. A classic fool. I was there for over three hours, leaving after midnight.

I've been texting her pretty much every day since, telling her I love her, and how I totally fucked up. How I want to commit to her and give her the things she wanted. Naturally she runs to her mom, family and friends and they are suggesting otherwise. She keeps replying to my texts telling me what I'm doing (timing of it is how I'm interpreting that) "isnt fair" and how I've hurt her many times over.

Look boys, (and tgsio if you're reading) I need to try to win her back. (so cliques) she's very girly and loves romantic gestures. (Typical) in the past I've driven half an hour to buy her favorite (expensive, 4 bucks a piece) donuts. I, on occasion would randomly bring flowers, the usual. I need balls to the wall, super romantic, Idk if I look like a dumbass, boombox over my head type of suggestions.

Any ideas or advice will help.

P.s. the fact she started seeing someone has no bearing on anything. It's obviously an impediment, but prior to finding out I was coming to the realization that I want her, that I will never get anyone better.

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Best advice I can give is: Never, ever let her see what you’ve posted on this board.

 

[Joe Kings]

Dont get me wrong, she would do alot of stuff around the house, more than me. We would clean on the weekends. I cleaned the bathroom downstairs and the tub upstairs. She'd do laundry and clean the rooms upstairs. I have my own place (I own) but I'd spend most of the time at hers. When covid hit I was furloughed, but we just adopted the puppies so I was staying over there almost exclusively. I'd clean up the messes when I saw them and when I went back to work I'd get "home" before she would and the place would look like a disaster. The dogs would find something we overlooked, paper, mail, Kleenex tissue, or would start chewing the floor molding. I get there and would have to spend half an hour cleaning all that including pee, poop and whatever else was on floor. If the place wasnt spotless, if I missed a corner or whatever then it was like I half assed it according to her.

Dude
if youre 40 and explaining yourself. Thats an issue. 2. you have to understand this is how all women are.
My wife was a stay at home mom. I woke up at 530 did my morning stuff (read and did cardio) got kids up for school. Took kids to school
she did her whatever thing during the day. After work I was coaching usually 2 teams. She told me I had it made in the shade. Women are so much different. They have to be reminded they are doing good and need to feel like they are doing it all bc they think if they do anything they are doing everything. She cooked every night and did laundry kept the house neat. I would never think to explain myself to her in my own defense.
Let her have the glory. I get it she complains every women does in some sense.

Did she dump you?

 

[Carlscat]

So, I was with my girlfriend for just over two years. At times it's was rocky, (my commitment phobia and her mood swings) and at times it's been very good, if not great. She's in her 30s and I'm in my 40s. Neither of us has been married and we are both doing well professionally, especially her. I'll spare you on the long details, but let's just say I fucked up royally and drove her away. She broke up with me in December, but I know she loves me, and I her.

I know, typical sob story. Guy doesnt appreciate girl, loses girl, tries to get her back.

I've spent much time since then reflecting on her and us. I've been fortunate (or unfortunate) to have been with some girls in the past and have been thru the shit that they pull off and get away with due to the fact their young and hot. This girl is (my opinion) attractive, so what I said prior isnt some slight. The thing that she isnt compared to the others is she is a genuinely good person. Perhaps most most decent girl I've ever dated ,which is high praise considering there's been a couple who are/where good women. Anyways, me fucking up made her do to me what I sort of did to her, keep her at a distance, but in her case push me away.

I hadn't seen her since mid December, although we would text a little bit, but more matter of fact stuff. I stopped by last week to drop off treats (birthday) for the dogs we adopted. She told me she started seeing someone. I talked about some of the reasons I pushed her away but told her I still love her and that I've been a fool. A classic fool. I was there for over three hours, leaving after midnight.

I've been texting her pretty much every day since, telling her I love her, and how I totally fucked up. How I want to commit to her and give her the things she wanted. Naturally she runs to her mom, family and friends and they are suggesting otherwise. She keeps replying to my texts telling me what I'm doing (timing of it is how I'm interpreting that) "isnt fair" and how I've hurt her many times over.

Look boys, (and tgsio if you're reading) I need to try to win her back. (so cliques) she's very girly and loves romantic gestures. (Typical) in the past I've driven half an hour to buy her favorite (expensive, 4 bucks a piece) donuts. I, on occasion would randomly bring flowers, the usual. I need balls to the wall, super romantic, Idk if I look like a dumbass, boombox over my head type of suggestions.

Any ideas or advice will help.

P.s. the fact she started seeing someone has no bearing on anything. It's obviously an impediment, but prior to finding out I was coming to the realization that I want her, that I will never get anyone better.

Rules followed View attachment 9396View attachment 9397View attachment 9398

Going to need you to get out of the gutter and get more successful. Dan Pena does the trick for me and I suggest you watch this video about your situation...

 

[Joe Kings]

You shacked up at her house too. FFS. Sounds like she got you bro. Move on seriously

 

[pleaseclap]

I am glad I don't have to do that. My wife gave up on that with me and we are much happier.

We finally realized that we both detest cleaning. So we hired a maid that comes once/week. Easily the greatest money we've ever spent. Would pay 3x as much. It's saved so many arguments and heartache.

 

[Long cat]

I think Old pee needs to lose 40lbs then run into her somewhere and strike up a conversation. Just a guess.

 

[N. Pappagiorgio]

Thanks for all the advice fellas, and tgsio. I'm willing to take blame and get my whoopin when deserved, and by and large I do deserve it here. No ones perfect, there were time when her moods were so bad that I would keep quiet in the mornings. Literally a few words then a goodbye. I'm not much of a tv guy, I'll watch more movies than tv shows, that's for sure. We would watch tv every night and it was almost allways what she wanted. Bachelor, 90 fiancee, cooking/baking shows. She would literally fall asleep on the couch watching those show, but she would get pissed that I'd want to watch college football on Saturday. (Only sport I watch, no nfl or nba) She would say we couldn't have breakfast or take the dogs for a walk even though we did have breakfast a two or three times this fall. And we would take the dogs for walks too (I live in west coast so games start at 9 here)

I it was little things like that that made me slow down. One thing that pissed me off was she was accusing me breaking the ice machine since I "left the little bar up and somehow bent it. Now the ice isnt coming out." Or (I fucking love this one) she wants me to clean and tidy up, but I cant us the Dyson since it's new and expensive. I would get home with the dogs destroying the place and would have to use the old vacuum that doesnt work.


Ugh, sorry for the rant. There's good and bad in all relationships, I know this and I've came to the conclusion that she HAD put with my shit, so I'd put up with hers.

Wow. Don’t walk away. Run!

 

[AgEngDawg]

Thanks for all the advice fellas, and tgsio. I'm willing to take blame and get my whoopin when deserved, and by and large I do deserve it here. No ones perfect, there were time when her moods were so bad that I would keep quiet in the mornings. Literally a few words then a goodbye. I'm not much of a tv guy, I'll watch more movies than tv shows, that's for sure. We would watch tv every night and it was almost allways what she wanted. Bachelor, 90 fiancee, cooking/baking shows. She would literally fall asleep on the couch watching those show, but she would get pissed that I'd want to watch college football on Saturday. (Only sport I watch, no nfl or nba) She would say we couldn't have breakfast or take the dogs for a walk even though we did have breakfast a two or three times this fall. And we would take the dogs for walks too (I live in west coast so games start at 9 here)

I it was little things like that that made me slow down. One thing that pissed me off was she was accusing me breaking the ice machine since I "left the little bar up and somehow bent it. Now the ice isnt coming out." Or (I fucking love this one) she wants me to clean and tidy up, but I cant us the Dyson since it's new and expensive. I would get home with the dogs destroying the place and would have to use the old vacuum that doesnt work.


Ugh, sorry for the rant. There's good and bad in all relationships, I know this and I've came to the conclusion that she HAD put with my shit, so I'd put up with hers.

What has worked for me in the past is that I always clean up incompetently. I screw it up so bad that I am not worth the time to ask to clean. She will leave you alone after that.

Also, WTF did you break the ice maker???

 

[laterallyshaking]

Women that would look upon me with disgust before I was married now tolerate me.

Now that's the kind of results I can get on board with.

 

[TJHall1]

What has worked for me in the past is that I always clean up incompetently. I screw it up so bad that I am not worth the time to ask to clean. She will leave you alone after that.

Also, WTF did you break the ice maker???

 

[catfishpunter]

Man, you're litigating this thing to death. You sound more like you're describing a divorce than a woman you want to marry. Whether it's her or you who is the problem, it doesn't matter. The two of you together sound awful. Who wants to spend their life like that?

Go fishing, take a break, get your head right, and go on a date with somebody else.

 

[10sevol]

OP, you just need some space right now. Texting every day and going with the full court press love language day in/day out comes across as weak. That shit never works.

Further, the woman you are describing has some serious issues of her own. The TV thing, the ice maker, the secret finances, and the judgment over how well you clean up dog shit.....if you think these things will improve because you manage to get a ring on her finger, you’re ignoring reality. While she was trying to get you to fully commit, she would have been playing the bestest wife/gf role she knew how to play. Seems like a fair amount of manipulation going both ways. It may be a cliche, but the best one piece of advice I’ve heard on something like this is that women marry a man thinking he will change, and men marry women thinking they won’t.

I think creating some space here as several has suggested is easily the best course....but not for the goal of “winning her back.” That will happen on its own, if it is supposed to, and if you use the time and space to better yourself, work on your own weaknesses, and get back in the game.

I’m 47. I’ve been through exactly what you’ve detailed. I’m a year further along than you are now. I look back at myself and some of the things I was willing to do and say to “win her back”, and I laugh and hope she didn’t save those texts. I’m still single, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself in the dating scene, and now she’s in a relationship with some dope that is a fraction of who I’ve become in the last year.... and recently she has reached back out to me.

These things have a way of sorting out themselves with time, and you can never go wrong creating some space, taking a deep breath, and start making yourself a little better each day. Soon, you’ll find in yourself the validation that you are fervently trying to get from her right now. And at that point, you’ll be the man she wants, or perhaps better yet, you’ll be the man that someone that is 10x the woman she is will want.

You’ll know you’re in the right spot when a tongue lashing over cleaning up dog shit would end up not in the creation of a message board thread but, instead, a screaming turd missile hurled at the back of her dome the moment she turns to exit the room.

 

[Zgdaf]

OP, all solid advice. Also ghost her. Delete social media links to her, block her, etc.
will help when you realize she’s getting her back blown out by multiple dudes.

Also go as young as you can on dating women.

 

[NopeDawg]

Sounds like she laid a nice trap for you to see if you still cared with telling you she was seeing someone. Yall broke up, what they fuck should she feel the need to tell you otherwise? And it gave her some ammo to be the attention of her fam/friends with you "trying to come back". She wouldn't let you stay past midnight like that otherwise. You probably went a little too far, but you are best to leave it be, let her come to you, talk to her only when she talks to you. In the meantime, live your life, go out and date others as well.

 

[America 1st]

This thread is getting more play than the OP.

 

[skramer100]

Dude, reading this entire thread and your added posts, RUN away from this chick. You are in love cause it is familiar. If you are the least bit attractive and have a good job their are thousands of women out there. This girl sounds crazy. Where is she on the hot/crazy scale? We need pics.

 

[Crich73]

This thread is getting more play than the OP.

 

[Scratchmyvolsroughly]

wow @ awww pee

 

[TJHall1]

Guarantee your exes twat looks like fuckin lake Michigan by now.

 

[pleaseclap]

Guarantee your exes twat looks like fuckin lake Michigan by now.

 

[N. Pappagiorgio]

Bump