Welcome!

By registering with us, you'll be able to discuss, share and private message with other members of our community.

SignUp Now!

After you’re done taking a wretched dump in a public bathroom…

catreaper

Master Baiter
Joined
Feb 16, 2021
Messages
912
Do you own it and walk out of the stall like Vince McMahon or do you wait until no one else is in the room and sneak out with your head down? For me it boils down to the noise level of what has just escaped me. If it was quiet, I giddy on up. If it was a three-day bender shit that sounds like you just threw five handfuls of mud at the refrigerator door, I’m going to wait.
 

Taggart

Elite
Founder
Joined
Jan 9, 2021
Messages
1,484
bef59eaf08015761962fc1c6f8545f8b.jpg
 

TopHook

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Jan 9, 2021
Messages
12,955
Do you make eye contact with everyone else on your way out? If so, that’s some true alpha stuff right there.
Give them the ole razzle dazzle
tenor.gif

It a natural thing why be ashamed? If I got to go then hell I'm going.
 

TriggerHappyJack

Random Average Guy
Founder
Joined
Jan 9, 2021
Messages
162
Do you own it and walk out of the stall like Vince McMahon or do you wait until no one else is in the room and sneak out with your head down? For me it boils down to the noise level of what has just escaped me. If it was quiet, I giddy on up. If it was a three-day bender shit that sounds like you just threw five handfuls of mud at the refrigerator door, I’m going to wait.
Five Handfuls of Mud would make a great heavy Metal/Hard rock band name!
 

BigBucnNole

Elite
Joined
Jan 15, 2021
Messages
2,158
I will destroy a public bathroom, I don’t give a shit. One place I was at for an event that was going long and needed to shit. The men’s room was a single stall that was occupied. So the girl helping out the event told me to just use the women’s, and I double checked with her if it was okay, and even pointed out that it was a nice bathroom. There was really no going back. So I went in, did my business for about 10 mins and moved on. ZFG’s.
 

absoluteUnit

Check out the size of this lad
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
1,625
Whenever I take a human shit I could not be more proud of myself. Think about what you have accomplished. You ingested a part of the universe, received sustenance, and then sent it back from whence it came. I will sometimes wait on others to go in the bathroom so I can follow them in to eject my diarrhea with an audience.
 

AmericanViking

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Jan 8, 2021
Messages
8,874
I have a fear of pooping in public restrooms. Men are disgusting creatures that piss all over the shitter seat, leave pubes all over the place…I can’t do it cotton…nope! And I try not to touch anything in there.

Fuck yeah!!! I’m not the only one. I swear, shitting in portapotties and those disgusting bathroom trailers in Iraq for 28 months ruined me for life with public restrooms.

Well, that and having to clean truck stop bathrooms in a previous life
 

hmt5000

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
7,139
I usually look at the dude and just say "Taco Bell".... The guy usually does the Alonso Mourning gif at that point.
 

sanction

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Jan 15, 2021
Messages
2,197
Couple of months ago I sat in a stall next to someone at work. I had a
tremendous pressure build up and I knew it was going to be explosively loud.

I literally exploded and sounded like a machine making a noise. I waited 20 seconds then said “scuse me” in the highest pitched falsetto I could muster.

I heard the guy start snickering so I said in my normal voice “I made that sound with my mouth”.

He responded “well, you must have had your head in the water”.

We both started laughing out loud and finished our business like men.
 

Ddub

Poster
Joined
Jan 9, 2021
Messages
46
I have discovered in the past year or so that the following stores generally have really nice and clean bathrooms, which are quite conducive to having a pleasant poo:

-Lowes
-Home Depot
-Home Goods

Now, I should admit that I generally prefer to not sit on a public toilet seat, for obvious reasons. However, necessity led to these discoveries.
 

hmt5000

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
7,139
I have discovered in the past year or so that the following stores generally have really nice and clean bathrooms, which are quite conducive to having a pleasant poo:

-Lowes
-Home Depot
-Home Goods

Now, I should admit that I generally prefer to not sit on a public toilet seat, for obvious reasons. However, necessity led to these discoveries.
And Lowes also has a uni-sex bathroom that is open when they are cleaning the mens room. Those fuckers know their customers. We are in there buying shit to work with and we may not be around an accessible bathroom for a couple of hours at some of these jobs.
 

Cletusnow

Made the run from Texarkana to Atlanta
Founder
Joined
Jan 8, 2021
Messages
3,574
When in public lots of loud grunts, moans and self talking it out are the way to go.
 

Jtrain80

Legendary
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
3,493
I hate going #2 anywhere but my house.

In the event that I do have to...Go big or go go home.

Go hit by a brown recluse in a blue room in Pecos TX. Hate those things.
 

ChicagoFats

Legendary
Founder
Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2020
Messages
4,663
Hotel lobby's often have decent bathrooms if you are on the road a lot. Holiday inn etc

Much better than fast food restrooms if travelling.
 

imprimis

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Jan 8, 2021
Messages
10,531
When I gotta go, I gotta go. Don't care where. Don't care what the aftermath is either. Only thing I care about is that there is TP. But I always carry a packet of wet wipes in my cars.
 

absoluteUnit

Check out the size of this lad
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
1,625
Couple of months ago I sat in a stall next to someone at work. I had a
tremendous pressure build up and I knew it was going to be explosively loud.

I literally exploded and sounded like a machine making a noise. I waited 20 seconds then said “scuse me” in the highest pitched falsetto I could muster.

I heard the guy start snickering so I said in my normal voice “I made that sound with my mouth”.

He responded “well, you must have had your head in the water”.

We both started laughing out loud and finished our business like men.
I’m happy for you
 

Viking

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Dec 1, 2020
Messages
4,735
Since COVID those grubby gas station attendants have been doing a bang up job with proper cleaning and full dispensers. You pussies are missing out on the golden era of public restrooms. Sounds like some of you need to start using the ladies restroom. haha SKOL!
 

ETNVol

Legendary
Founder
Joined
Jan 8, 2021
Messages
4,205
Years ago, I worked in a different building, and the genius who built it decided to put the men's bathroom inside of the primary conference room. It was relatively small, putting a dozen people around the huge table was tight.

One afternoon, lunch not agreeing with me at all, I walked through an empty conference room to take care of business. ~5 minutes later when I come out, the conference room is packed full of people I don't know, and all of them were staring at me (and soon to be rewarded with the unpleasant scent of my evacuation).

I did the only thing I could do... I walked out of there with my head held high.
 

Jtrain80

Legendary
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
3,493
Greatest Poop story ever told....
]

Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs on this group and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth. Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me.
A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.
We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you -- in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.
I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without to much concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...
I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit. I went to the normal stall.
In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical proportions.
I began "The Move."
For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.
I was about half-way into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can.
In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crotched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted.
At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass. But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down.
Recall that when that event occurred, I was already half-way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls, like what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon.
Now, back to the vomit...
While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly-opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic

 

AC2021

Legendary
Founder
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
968
I make eye contact and conversation afterwards.

The only time this wasn't the case was when a freak with a glass eye took it out and ran the glass eye up and down the slit of the stall door and over the stall.

I knew he couldn't see **** but it freaked me out. I tried to cover up the best I could.

Finished my business and stumbled out the door after glass-eyed-peeping-Tom guy left the room.

To my dismay, 2 hours later looked down and saw I was roaming around with an unzipped fly.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom