Stupidest thing you’ve done while drunk

Whiskey&Weed

Whiskey&Weed

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I was blackout one night and some woman was driving the cab I got into. She had a friend of hers riding shotgun. Her friend (with huge tits) got in the back seat with me and started giving me a BJ. Next thing I know I was dropped off like 2 miles away from apartment without my pants. Sure enough the next morning when I woke up I had 2k in transactions on my card. Well played.
 
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I walked into the wrong house walking home while at UK. It was about 4 or so houses before my buddies house. I apparently walked in and grabbed the dudes remote out of his hand and layed down on his couch and started flipping channels. My friends came in shortly after and explained to the guy that I was shitfaced and we left in peace. Thank god there weren't cell phone cameras back then because I also took a shit on the sidewalk "allegedly".
 
Drove. Will never do it again.

On the less serious side of things, used my “emergency credit card” from my mom my junior year of HS, and went nuts on shopping channel numbers. Bought like a 6 pack of Girls Gone Wild DVDs, a driver that could magically fix my 14 yard drive at the time, and a DVD set of MoTowns greatest hits that was 6 easy payments of $49.99.

Ah. I sent a great friend down the water in a giant pool float, thinking the tide was coming in so he’d be trapped and safe, not realizing the tide was going out. Thankfully part of me in that drunken state thought to put his cell phone in his shorts. Was able to find him with my boat a nice 8 hours later.
 
Two years ago my son was 3 months old. I got blacked out drunk and decided I needed to burn a heater so I tried to sneak out and drive to the store. My wife called me asking me what the fuck I was doing and to be careful when I got home. I got a little too close to the house (sons bed room).

I dont mix benzos and alcohol anymore.
 
While I was pledging in college me and a few other pledges were chasing down some of the frat bros one night for some stupid thing our fraternity did every semester. There were like 8 of us and we had only one truck. So me and 2 others had to lay down in the bed of the truck during the chase. Everyone in the truck was shitfaced, and we were in a high speed chase on the backroads in Arkansas. I’m pretty sure at one point our driver got up to 80 or more and we were on 2 wheels on a few curves. Looking back we’re lucky we didn’t all die.
 
Spent a day tubing down river with friends. I didn't drive so I got fucked up. Last thing I remembered was seeing the bridge that marked the end of the trip. I distinctly remember seeing the bridge while we're on the river, turning to let my friends know we're almost done, and that's it. I woke up the next day alone and naked in my own bed, which set me off on my own mini version of The Hangover.

Apparently, when we got off the river I was still drinking, and a cop stopped me and told me I couldn't. I started arguing with him for a bit until he told me I could drink in the river and so back into the river I went. After I finished my beer and got back to my friends, I started grab assin like crazy on a few of their gfs (I was single). Fortunately my friends gave me a pass for that since it's not like me at all to do that shit. Anyway, on the way home they stopped at a Walgreens or something and left me in the car. I got out and got into the back seat of some other guy's car and refused to get out. I guess the dude was pretty pissed, but I told him it was cool and just chill out, I was supposed to be there. Friends finally got me back into their car and got me home where I had dropped my swim trunks in the middle of the living room floor and went straight for my bed.

I've had several nights where it's difficult to remember bits and pieces, but that was the only time I've been blacked out like that. This was probably 4 or 5 years ago now and still makes me shake my head to think I actually did that shit.
 
RJ2kWJ said:
Drove. Will never do it again.

On the less serious side of things, used my “emergency credit card” from my mom my junior year of HS, and went nuts on shopping channel numbers. Bought like a 6 pack of Girls Gone Wild DVDs, a driver that could magically fix my 14 yard drive at the time, and a DVD set of MoTowns greatest hits that was 6 easy payments of $49.99.

Ah. I sent a great friend down the water in a giant pool float, thinking the tide was coming in so he’d be trapped and safe, not realizing the tide was going out. Thankfully part of me in that drunken state thought to put his cell phone in his shorts. Was able to find him with my boat a nice 8 hours later.
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Was this the driver?

 
When I was about 5 or 6 I got a Swiss Army knife for Christmas. I carved my first name in the back of my dad’s new Ford Explorer because I was a shithead and kids are stupid. Dad never saw it and so I just forgot about it.
Some years passed and we sold the SUV to a family friend who lives out of state and didn’t hear anything about it for a long while. More than ten years pass, my dad runs into that family friend. They strike up a conversation about the Explorer and he goes on about how his son is a pathological liar and the car has caused a huge rift. The guy said his son(who shares my first name) carved his name in the car and refused to confess to it even after repeated belt whippings, groundings etc; and apparently this stand-off had gone on for years with this kid constantly denying he had anything to do with it. I came clean but that other kid was beaten like a drum for lying about it.

not a drunk story but stupid nonetheless
 
hmt5000 said:
I walked into the wrong house walking home while at UK. It was about 4 or so houses before my buddies house. I apparently walked in and grabbed the dudes remote out of his hand and layed down on his couch and started flipping channels. My friends came in shortly after and explained to the guy that I was shitfaced and we left in peace. Thank god there weren't cell phone cameras back then because I also took a shit on the sidewalk "allegedly".
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When were you at UK, and this really could have been me.
 
Bryan said:
When were you at UK, and this really could have been me.
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That was '95. I think it was Euclid or Maxwell where dude lived but a lot of those streets run together in my mind now and most of that shit has been developed now so I haven't had a refresher in years. I lived on Columbia and he lived directly behind us and we had to walk through a daycare yard to get to his street then walk a bit.

Funny thing is we went to a girls birthday party and they had ordered her a stripper. The dude didn't show so some 5'6" 280# dude thought it'd be funny to strip for her. I was shitfaced enough to just bail. I saw man boobs and was out of the house.... That was the last thing I remember. My friends saw me leave and took off after me.
 

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