[ Note: <<development in progress>> This is a consolidated collection of @Rebarcock.'s original short stories from his "Rebarcock. tells a story thread". All source material used here belongs to the original author and creator Patrick "Rebarcock." Flood, and by extension the Flood family. ]
Do You Want to Tell a Story
Original creator Patrick "Rebarcock." Flood
I like Publix best but now have to drive by two Harry Peters and two walmarts before i see a Publix. Both are out if the way. Publix is a conservative owned store too.
I hate Kroger since i was 13 and would take wine coolers and later beer n the shitter and knock 6 down in 10 min. Got run out
Funny stories welcome too
I have a couple great grocery store stories. A couple terrible ones too.
Most from myrtle beach
13yr old im in kroger me and a buddy grab a 4 pack of coolers and a six each of Busch light(1986) we carry them to the bathroom in the back of the store. Everyone is working no one in the back. We each drink 2 coolers in two min. Then we each shotgun 4 beers and dump 2 beers in the shtiter so we can crush cans and hide evidence. .(hid bottles on diaper boxes) im maybe 110 lbs and my buddy was 5-9 at 13 but skinny as a rail so prob 115 or so. Before we leave the back we walk up a catwalk where the loss prevention dudes tried to see who was stealing. Get about half way through the store on catwalk and boom there is the loss prevention guy. We scared him to death. He was asleep. We start laughing and running back. He is a grown man chasing to tweedle Dick punks all the way from back of Kroger to outside. We jump on bikes and peddle ass away. My buddy is hammered and busts his ass. Blows out a tire on the side. Im peddling away laughing. My buddy grabbed the bike and threw it at loss prevention. The gear hit the dude in the leg and he busted his ass and started bleeding and screaming he was gonna kill us. We drunkenly went back that evening and climbed on top. Of the Kroger and smoked a pin wheel of brick Mexican
Goodtimes
same dude 5 yrs later busted another friend stealing balloons at 330am when we were freshmen in college. We were gonna make piss bombs and toss them at these ultra homos dweebs that lived down the road in our first college place.
Loss prevention dude recognized me and let him go. That was pretty cool we were all shitfaced. Start of our pro careers. OMG to be young
I compound fractured my femur playing football same year. I was fucking hurt bad and the next 3 yrs was always on crutches w casts bigger than me.
So we are in bilo. (I m Catholic and went to Catholic school. I know and love a butt load if retarded people. Only a couple scary ones) well I have a gift of mimick. (Irish) so me and a couple upper classmen from the football team are in there and i start mimicking and dragging both legs and talking w rocks in my mouth. They start trying to get away....the chase was on.
Imagine old ladies trying to help a retard screamin trying to get his older brothers to take him home to his ferret.(I kept yelling for corky my ferret)
8 of us went in together. I was alone leaving. I drug my lame legs out and never broke character. We did donuts in the parking lot and i hung out the window of a old VW bug. Those people didnt know what just happened.
I was 15 then.
I can do this forever. I love grocery stores. Still do. Im 48 now . still Fu ck w everyone and i go red eyed still unless I just left work
I almost never open a package...........
Myrtle beach stories happen on page 4
I have fresh market stories too.
Didnt consider a poll. Never done one. Can I edit this into a poll now?
So there we are me and Mom in Fresh market. Im a sophomore. Leg in cast and on crutches. We are shopping either turkey day or pre Christmas. I had a butt cut w long hair in the back. I was a couple days out of second surgery on my leg. Pain pills flowing through me.
As we are walking in a poor guy starts begging my Mom and starts being aggressive. Im the youngest of four. Always small but had a fire inside. My Mom starts screaming the guy is trying to steel her purse.i was a couple hops in front so i didnt see this. But i turned around and my Mom was scared. I grab my crutch by the bottom and swing at the hobo.
I hit him w the arm pit crutch corner at 80 mph going from left to right(i swing leftie) dead nuts on the chin. It was a home run. Dude buckled knocked cold out. His old lady jumps from behind a coke machine. I raise my crutch at here and she takes off towards the post office.
Mom went in the store, called the law. He went to jail and the town cop Officer Tetter later told me they wired his mouth shut.
Sadly Mom doesnt remember this one anymore. I tried to laugh about it on thanksgiving and she didnt remember at all.
I was still a hero that day
It was a really special moment. I was a great golfer as a kid
I got an old high school buddy living w me who is wat nuttier then me( loss job to covid)
We talked about putting a cam in the den to record us when drinking. There are reasons I Don t leave the house except for work and store. None are house arrest
A&P same shopping center as fresh market.
Im a senior in hs at 17yr or maybe just graduated.
My 7th grade geography teacher Ms Mitchell a southern belle wanna be is in the store. She taught my bros and sister. They all clashed w her so i was doomed coming up.
She sees me walking down the aisle by bread and looks away. I being the antagonist, walk to nearly beside her and say hello politely.
Me: "Hey Ms Mitchell haven t seen you in forever."
Her: "I figured you would be in jail by now."
Me: "Maybe if you werent such a bitch your husband wouldnt have left you for a waitress."
(She loses her shit. Red faced screeching.)
Her: "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME!"
Me: "Fuck you–you ol nasty lil bitch."
Her: "I'm gonna call your mother."
Me: "Lol you do that talc cunt."
(So I get home for dinner.)
Mom: "Got a call from your old teacher Ms Mitchell. She said you were saying nasty and vile things to her."
Me: "Mom I just told the truth."
Mom: "I know Reabarcock. She told me what you said. Made pot roast just for you."
(my fav growing up)
Then got a big hug and kiss from Mom
Fast forward and i turned 40. I wanted to quit smoking. Bet my neighbor i could. The bet was if i failed i had to duck hunt inside our Publix two blocks away.
I lived in a black neighborhood. I was 1st white guy there. My neighbor crooted me to move in.
3 weeks after i quit we are killing apple pie moonshine during yard work starting at 7am. Shitfaced by noon.
I bum a smoke from another guy. Neighbor cold busts me. I am getting ready to duck hunt in Publix. Fuck me.
A drinking buddy is the GM of this location. Big guy larger than life and just a good dude.
So I put on full duck suit. Waders, heavy jacket, gloves etc. My neighbor is army retired. He busts out face camo. I grab my duck call, his kids Nerf gun, a dove stool, and leave my inhibitions at home. Four of us leave flr Publix.
I look like Ive been hunting and get all my gear and start walking in to the store. The other 3 are 10 yards behind me. So i look like in alone.
When the doors whoosh open i swear the entire store looks at me and no one knows what to make of the situation.
I have the duck call in my mouth. Nerf gun slung over right arm dove stool over left shoulder, camo face and a Vietnam floppy camo hat on my head. I walk straight in to middle of produce and set my dove stool beside the corn. Ever one is watching my every move.
I sit down. I start calling ducks. About 15 seconds in i yell MARK and shoot a Nerf towards my imaginary ducks. Missed him. Shoot again. I yell to these guys HEY I GOT A MALLARD! I reach in to my waders and throw a decoy in the middle of the aisle.
My buddies are dying laughing. Falling on the floor.
A mom and toddler come walking by. The kid see the duck and quacks. I yell MARK and shoot the kid. Now the mom sees me and she is laughing her ass off.
About that time my buddy the GM is coming over looking worried about me. He has no idea it is me.
Then as he gets really close he sees my neighbor and buddies laughing. Sees the nerfs and lady laughing. Looks back at me and realizes what is going on. He dies laughing and asks us to leave. Gave the kid the Nerf gun grabbed the stuff and went and finished t the yard work
So growing up it was hard for a.
5ft kid to get beer....
Innovation always wins.
Me and the same kid frim the bike story hit the A&P. Mission we need 2 12 packs of budlite to go fishing. I m 14 it is summer.
I have an idea. We grab a case of coke. We grab scotch tape. We grab 2 twelve packs of beer. They had a flower counter w balloons and such that was never used. That would become Camp Switcharoo.
We commence to switching the beer for cokes w surgical precision. Used the tape to seal up the box perfectly and did the same w the coke cans into the beer boxes.
We go so far as to put the bud lite back on the rack. We pay. We got beer to fish.
Get out to the boat (1 HR away) motor wint start. We head back to Columbia.3hrs later we stop at another hooligans house. His parents didnt care what anyone did so we went there to drink and skate his half pipe ramp.
His step dad was a baker, owned tasty bake shop. He was a drunk and weirdo.
Well well as we are walking up he pops the trunk. Just got back from shopping and asks if we could help him carry the stuff in. He grabs the beer we grab the groceries.
We notice. He grabbed the two bud lite cases we snaked the beer from. We go to the ramp and our buddy is behind it burning one we tell him whats up. We are all laughing. At that moment we hear GOD DAMNIT COKE?!
we had to leave w our beer and drink under a bridge.
Baker man took the cokes back and got beer.
So living at the beach i usually went to a foodlion. (2000) I had a 85 pound black and tan named Roscoe who went w me to work or anywhere really. No leash. Coolest dog ever. I had an s10 w a rear slider window. ID keave it open and roscoe would go back to the bed or cab as he wanted. When I shop
I go up and down each aisle. I started on the right in produce and worked my way all the way to the other side milk aisle. I m dirty from steel work. As I m about by the swing door to rear of the store. A couple stocker kids shoot out the swing door.
I hear one kid day to the other there is a dog in the store. I gulp and follow closely. A dog is going up and down the aisles. Made it one aisle over and there is rkscoe. His nose was tracking me. He followed my exact path through the store. I left my full cart where it was and roscoe and I left right then.
Good dog found his dad safely.
He went in a lot of places. After a while he was allowed. But that was the only grocery store he went into
Edit forgot beach stories come later
? Wrong thread dickweed
General store /bait shop/general store on podunk SC. Going fishing.
We need bait. Crack babies are a thing and crack had hit middle America.
We buy minnows and worms. Snacks and drinks too. My buddy is a yr older than me but a big guy. 6ft2 at 17 prob 185lb. We are in my dads truck. A Grey long Bed 5 speed. My buddy is our HS defensive end. . buddy Wouldnt cuss or drink so we are on good behavior just going fishing walk out the store and my door is open but we can see a guy leaning through the truck going through his back pack. This kid is ultra religious.
He mumbles quietly what the Fu ck?
He bursts in to action. He starts beating the crackie w our bait bucket. Minnows flying everywhere and he is cussing on every swing. Crackie tries to take off. He had my buddys wallet
Whelp my boy didnt know how to fight but he knew how to defensive end. He blew up the crack head like clowney did to the Michigan dude. The crack head slings the wallet
I hobble over and grab it and his money. My buddy kicks the guy in the gut and turns around to leave.
As we get in the truck with no more minnows,cracklie, asks us for a dollar.
So I go in to piggly wiggly or winn Dixie cant remember which. I want a candy bar. Im alone. Jr yr of HS.
As I walk in this girl cashier starts being mean and saying that Im a nasty shit.
Well had never seen her unless it was in summer school my freshman year (failed algebra w a 69.4...round it down
So Im like Fu ck this nappy head chick.
I had just watched caddyshack
I opened a package of toilet paper. I got 2 $100,000 bars and a payday i also found a pen and cardboard.
I chew up the 100k bars and spit them in wads of toilet paper and drop it just out of sight near the meat aisle. I drop the payday on top and wiggle it on to the tp and chewed up chocolate so it looks wet. I write on the cardboard "you should be sweet like chocolate" and lay it 2ft behind the make believe turd and shitty tp.
I stumble to the cashier looking disheveled and say i had an accident by the meats and said im so sorry but i am sick.she starts walking over. Turns the corner and I hear her start gagging. I walk out.
No idea what happened after that
IGA store Bowman SC
Fam used to have hunting/small farm in bowman.
Im 18 but a sophomore in college.
So me and my buddy need some food to cook in the cabin. We always made chili and hot chocolate.
Buy the provisions and leave. No story huh? Wrong.
We get to the cabin. There are pubes or black folk hair all over the meat.disgusting either way. Drive back to IGA ask for manager. A 459lb black lady is managing.
I speak to her and show her the product.
She accuses me of putting them there. No refund. Im livid and yell WHY WOULD I PUT BUTTHOLE HAIRS IN MY OWN GROUND BEEF?
Still refuses refund.
I open the package back up and grab the meat in my hands and sling 1.33lb of BUTTHOLE burger at their front window about 10ft up. It didnt fall down. It stuck.
Felling I had been rewarded w those two window patties I didnt need my $2.60 back anymore
Irish. Kissed the Blarney stone
So Im a sophomore in college. Have a fake ID. (Gotta couple grocery store ID stories)
Went to visit a girlfriend at a small Presbyterian college in upstate SC. This girl was a straight arrow then went to college.....Friday evening.
We go to whatever shit brand store there was there. Cant remember. The campus was dry so they didnt party much. Buy 75.00 in beer and wine for me and her 3 roommates. One other dude w us. He is a townie nothing in life guy.
I tell all them to stay in my 86 Jimmy while I park on the corner. I cant lose my 21 cover you know?
The little townie cashier is a cutie pie. Probably dead from meth now but in 1992 at 19 she was a wood.
Holy s hit townie is batting her eyes and leaned over showing off her mammorys as i 21 stroll in. 3 case beer couple bottles of strawberry boones. Go up to counter.
Townie: we just got in some new flavors of that wine.
Me: oh yeah what kind? The lady's may like that.
Her: Im nOT sure lets go check.......
Got to the rear swinging door take a right and the hall narrows BC of stock boxes to a corner that is empty .
Me:there's nothing here
Her: YES THERE IS (grabs my hand shoves it down her britches and plants a tongue in my mouth)
Me: ( in mind.....wutwut...go w it)
She drops and starts knobbing my dong. This s hit doesnt happen to me.
Im mean im good looking and all but sheltered back then i guess.
Couple min in she pops up drops trouser,grabs cock, inserts, rides while screaming. I put my hands over her mouth she is bellowing.
Im looking around wondering how I went from buying drinks to plowing. 11 min later I paying for beer and wine. Her creampie was a no charge.
Get out to the Jimmy.
Girlfriend:what took so long? We thought you got busted.
Me: I didnt think I was that long.
2 blow jobs and lays that night by the nice lady's of Laurens SC
My best friend got expelled from our school 2x. HOlds the record for most detentions in a year still. Buddy 1
His family life was different than mine. Divorced parents who were hippies. Dad was a corrupt cop/mom a pillbilly nurse.
His mom sends us to little ceasers to buy a pizza for us. (4 of us. Still buddies 35 yrs later)
She gives him a check.
I couldnt drive. 14 and in a cast w hinges up to my hip. Our other buddy (not hanging out now is developmentally delayed. Slight tard but you cant tell until you interact.Buddy2) (He later sold crack and is on his 3rd strike. Now is born again and a waiter at the Colonial Life Center USCjr basketball supercenter)
B2 drives a beautiful 66 light blue Mustang
He pulls up to little ceasers just as we are. It is next door to bilo.
Tell B1 Im going to see if i can swipe any booze for our hangout.
B1&B2 buy 2 pizzas each . you know...pizza pizza
I go in to bilo and put in my cast at My thigh 4 bottles of MD2020. One for each of us and we got a tad of Mexican brick. We will be set for fun.
I crutch around as Im heading to the right to leave there is my ol Nemesis Mr Loss Prevention DRAT IM BUSTED.
B1 &B2 are coming in to bilo and see me getting interrogated. They come through the doors.
Mr LP is trying to figure out how to grab sub 5ft kid w a 100lb cast and crutches and handle him without damaging more.
B1 is a evil genius. (Believe it or not Im actually the good lawful one) he looks at Be2 and says "that dude is a child molester trying to kidnap Rebarcock!"
B2 (takes tae kwan dope to help release pent up tard energy. Always had a mouth guard in his pocket like a football type)
B2 hands B1 one of the pizzas, puts mouth guard in his mouth, opens other pizza box (think hot steaming pizza) with a primal gutteral grunt/screams NO GET OFF REBARCOCK YOU FUGKING FAGGOT!
I see B2 coming and lean back.
B2 plants a hot pizza on the face, neck, shoulders, upper torso of Mr LP. Mr LP did not see it coming as he focused on me. The hot steaming cheese , pepperoni, and sauce make this guy look like a low budget horror film
It is dripping on and off him at the same time. I cannot understand what is happening. What is going on?
Mr LP is screaming obscenities and whining about the pizza burning him. As he wipes each stroke he moves the hot sauce and cheese all over his upper body exasperating
the condition. As im mezmorized by this screaming cheese monster,B2 grabs my arm. "Come on Rebar run!"
I could really move on crutches. 4.35 40 type display. His top is down on the Mustang.
I flop over the door to the back seat(cant fit in front BC of cast. B1 jumps in his tempo and peels out. We peel out in a 66 Mustang Convertible 289 V8 automatic in style.
I heard through the grape vine MR LP went on workers comp for 6months. He used that time to begin a insurance career, and now owns a successful midsize insurance company in Columbia SC. Funny he just needed a push in that direction and God used us to push him that way
Lol
Backround
So my brothers corrupted me at a young age. At 4 yr old they had me breaking and entering places. I was their little thieving monkey. I just wanted them to love me.
Im 9 yr old. Just found a Christmas salvation army kettle w a bad kid who was fun
Outskirts of Columbia. Bilo has a no solicitation policy. Then i didnt know what that word meant.
All we knew was we needed money to carry out some other dumb master plan we had. Probably fireworks or something like that.
Me and buddy go to rite aid get poster board and make a terrible donation bboard announcement w crayons.
I had the bell from moms Christmas decorations and buddy had the kettle. We start clanging the bell and begging for money. You know like soliciting
Que the manager.
Manager:yall cant be here soliciting
Me: we've never solicited in our lives. We are helpind salvation army I said matter of factly
Im still clanging moms Christmas bell he grabs it.
Me:give that back
Manager:yall are stealing
Me these people are free to give or not.
Manager: Im calling the cops
Well my buddy was 11
Big kid. At 11 he was bigger than the manager. When you are a small kid it is smart and prudent to have big buddies. This kid went on to play for WVU or Marshall if I remember correctly.
Kid grabs the kettle and crow hopped swung
Mr Bilo manager is now on the ground with change rolling all around him.
I until then had never seen carnage like this in person.
That was some shot to his ear. wow.
We take off.
Got like 25.00 out of it.
A wk or so later. Mom and i are in that store. I look up to the managers porch (old grocery store) dude is staring me down w eyes of fire and fury. Never said a word out loud
Edit
The next year my mom couldnt figure out what SHE did with the bell. Please Don t any one narc me out. Ive never told anyone about this story
all of this has happened. The only alterations are omissions or old age memories turning good frim bad
Harris Teeter
From here out known as harry peter
Damn near all my buddies are still my buddies. This guy is the son of a SC politician. Politician divorced his mom and blew him off til we were in our 20s.
This is when we are somewhere 17-19.
Everyone knows in Columbia harry peter gets the milfs. They flock there BC it is clean well lit and new. We went there for action.
So in 1991ish big hair is still in. This Mom who was gorgeous had and even better looking daughter our age w her. There are 3 of us.
Buddy 1 is politicians kid. B1
Buddy 2 is another best friend B2
B1 sees them first. He makes it clear he is googoo gaga over the daughter. We are making rounds up and down the aisles checking out these ladies. After 5min they kinda know. They change their walking style and each start fiddling w their hair and flipping it. Stuff like that.
Well we all went to Catholic grade school together. We know how to make some bust ass w just a toe. (You know what is coming but you Don t really. ok?)
B1 has completely let his guard down and is drooling at these ladies. I tell B2, you trip him right when he rounds the corner.
As the ladies went up a row we would come from the next door aisle and just shadowed them. On the last one we changed so we would see them face to face instead of following them.
I tell B1 to give me the cart. He does. He doesnt need the cart hassle he wants to be first to see mom and her daughter as we round the corner. I holler to B1 just as we are gonna round the corner and push the cart at him B2 pulls a Kobra Kai leg sweep just as he jogs to miss the cart rounding the top.
I shout "EAT YOUR PUSSY MA'AM?!"
B1 is on the ground. Mom and beautiful daughter are looking straight down on him.
As he went down I shouted. He rolled over. Face as red as a MAGA hat. Me and B2 pass the aisle and look at the ladies watching B1 roll over and stutter red faced "I...I....I...I..mmm...I.am so......i am so sorry.
About that time they look up and me and B2 are piss pants laughing. The grins on those ladies at that moment expressed absolute joy.
B1 took 3 attempts to get up.
First two he fell back down.
B1 was so mad he wanted to fight us both outside. We just kept running circles and zig zags in the parking lot lot til he pooped out. Keep in mind he hit hard and was limping and bruised up on his knee.
As we are galloping around B2s jeep the ladies come out on the same side of grocery store. I shout it again! He looks and sees them..."sorry my friends are asshole just keep walking"
This was a great time. Helps if you saw it but still a great story
This was a crazy one i participated in/ witnessed. Scared me to death.
I think it was A&P but it mighta been Piggly Wiggly. (Some people call it Hawgly Wawgly whick i always laughed about)
Im prob 16 at the time no cast and taking tae kwan dope w my tardy Pal to help rehab my leg. Stretching and building up leg strength is crucial after a severe femur compound fracture.
It is summer ish about 820pm just left Master Moorland's class and the dojo. Me and the mustang tard (from here out referred to as Stang)
Well Stang is all really tight w money. So we cant go to the circle K for Gatorade we go to the grocery store BC it is cheaper.
Off course I gotta make a loop thru to survey if there is any talent.
(Just remembered it was in foodlion by dojo)
So we hit the deli area where they had colder drinks than on the shelf.
I grab mine and start trudging around feeling good post Kung Fu session.
There is a guy slamming grapes. Well I hate this kinda shit. I know, I know what Rebarcock you can steal but slamming grapes is wrong? Yes. I dont know why I have this glitch but yes.
So I mention to uncle Jesse maybe he should go easy on the produce. Well Uncle Jesse just decides he was gonna show me and popped in a good six or eight grapes.
Idgaf really i mean it is just grapes.
I turn a different way to scope out the ladies.
Uncle Jesse stumbles over swatting at me. I think Im about to use my new ninja skills and go Bo and Luke Duke on him.
He has his hands around his throat.
I HOLLER
FUCK THIS GUY IS CHOCKING!
Dude was a bigger guy.6ft+,250 country ass. Im 5ft4in and could barely get my arms around him.
I holler
need help man chocking
Out of no where or the clouds i Don t know, a got damn Doctor. He tries to Heimlich the dude. Does not work.
Uncle Jesse at this time, is not long on the Earth color of purple.
He is laying on the floor now
I swear he pulled out a craftsman old timer pocket knife and a Bic pen off his shirt pocket. Hands me the pen says open it.
He pulls out his hanky and does a tracheotomy on the guy grabs the pen shoves it in the hole. And keeps his hanky around it. The dude starts breathing through the Bic pen.
The Dr and Uncle Jesse rustle up and haul ass Id guess to the hospital.
At this moment im standing there looking at blood on the floor. I compose my self and pray the guy makes it.
No idea if he did or not but I like to think he did and never again ate grapes at the store again
Have I gone on enough or should I dig ddeeper? Im actually having fun telling these. I make a point not to look down memory lane. My whole life is a grocery store
So my evil buddy from they pizza story and I were bored.
He got to our HS for being evil.
Catholic HS is not a good place to send evil super genius type kids.
So my freshmen yr my leg is broke and we are sitting around his grandparents house.
His Gramps was a war hero.
We are rummaging through his garage trying to find something to Fu ck with. It was boring summer time for kids.
We find a wooden box nailed shut no way to open it.
Well me and (lets call him Grim)Grim have opposable thumbs and have little regard for boundarys.
We get it open. I wish we hadn't.
It is got damn Nazi gear. Just like s hit Charlie had on in Always Sunny. Well that suit didnt fit us. We are both short and back then tiny. But we were at heart opportunists.
What could we do.......
Back then Grim would be what we called a sling head. Grim's hair was black.
He puts on all khacki pants and button down khacki shirt. He is already an evil black haired sling head so he has black army boots.
Grim pastes his hair down w vaseline to look like da fürher. At this time while still at his house Im telling him bad idea.
ABORT ABORT
Nope. Grim is 15 and thinks this is a fine idea to Fu ck w people.
We put the khacki clothes in a bag and start walking to the store. Behind the piggly wiggly he changes into his brown shirt gear.
Im lagging behind. I dont want want to participate.
He walks around and a WWII guy has just got out of his Lincoln Town car w fins. The Vet takes a double look. He can tell this is a dumb ass little kid. He starts walking towards Grim. Grim is about to do the salute. The Vet says (Im walking up now. Like i said I was lagging)
Vet: Boy wtf are you thinking?
grim: uh i dunno. Just bored and wanna mess w people.
Vet: Son, get that shit out of your hair and go home and think about this again.
Grim Yes Sir.
He changed we left and went home.
Grimm is now a liberal anarchist who is a middle manager
Edit
There is a follow up story when Grim did wear the suit. I do not like it
I got a story for that but not for here. Not yet
It involves yahoo
In SC you used to not be able to buy beer on Sunday. Blue laws
Well 15 yr old me didnt think about the implications this has on bums, hobos,or drunks.
We knew Carl the bum a long time. When I was 13 we found him living in a tent on Hermit Hill. We used him as our acquisition apparatus. (He bought underage kids beer for a cut of what he bought. We got 10/12 us/him.)
I am just going into the same Kroger as the bike throwing story. My brother is driving us home from Mass, it is probably 1030am maybe a tad earlier .
As we pull in the parking lot I see my old Acquisition Partner Carl the bum doing a hobo two step into the store.
Well Im a polite kid so I get a Lil hussle on to say hello to him.
He is well in the store and i cant tell where he went. So i figure he is going to steal beer. Nope not there. Maybe wine? Nope.
Well now I am damn curious where carl the bum ghosted to ninja style. I start checking aisles.
I hit the toothpaste aisle. Why the fuck is Carl here? He doesnt brush his tooth.
As I am walking from the front end of the store i see Carl the bum drop to kneel.
With one choreographed move he pulled the top on a giant mouth wash and put it to his lips the just flip his head up and when it hit the mouth it was afterburner down the gullet
In 6 seconds he polished off a quart of burning alcohol fused listerine.
Im get to him as he finishes. He looks at me and has tears in his eyes. (He worked hard to be an alcoholic)
I learned two things that day.
1) listerine used to have 20% alcohol and worked in a pinch like peppermint schnapps
2) innovation and persistence can outperform anything if you are willing to put in blood, sweat, or tears
Edit
Before this one day me and the kid from bike story hiked up hermit hill to get Carl the bum to buy us beer at 830-9am. He was pissed we woke him up.
He grabbed a stick of warm butter bites it and eats it paper and all.
Appalled i asked why did he do that?!
Carl the bum explained it keeps beer foam at bay in your gut early in the morning.
I admit I have used this trick for early tailgates or fishing trips as i got older.
Thanks Carl the bum
In SC you used to not be able to buy beer on Sunday. Blue laws
Well 15 yr old me didnt think about the implications this has on bums, hobos,or drunks.
We knew Carl the bum a long time. When I was 13 we found him living in a tent on Hermit Hill. We used him as our acquisition apparatus. (He bought underage kids beer for a cut of what he bought. We got 10/12 us/him.)
I am just going into the same Kroger as the bike throwing story. My brother is driving us home from Mass, it is probably 1030am maybe a tad earlier .
As we pull in the parking lot I see my old Acquisition Partner Carl the bum doing a hobo two step into the store.
Well Im a polite kid so I get a Lil hussle on to say hello to him.
He is well in the store and i cant tell where he went. So i figure he is going to steal beer. Nope not there. Maybe wine? Nope.
Well now I am damn curious where carl the bum ghosted to ninja style. I start checking aisles.
I hit the toothpaste aisle. Why the fuck is Carl here? He doesnt brush his tooth.
As I am walking from the front end of the store i see Carl the bum drop to kneel.
With one choreographed move he pulled the top on a giant mouth wash and put it to his lips the just flip his head up and when it hit the mouth it was afterburner down the gullet
In 6 seconds he polished off a quart of burning alcohol fused listerine.
Im get to him as he finishes. He looks at me and has tears in his eyes. (He worked hard to be an alcoholic)
I learned two things that day.
1) listerine used to have 20% alcohol and worked in a pinch like peppermint schnapps
2) innovation and persistence can outperform anything if you are willing to put in blood, sweat, or tears
Edit
Before this one day me and the kid from bike story hiked up hermit hill to get Carl the bum to buy us beer at 830-9am. He was pissed we woke him up.
He grabbed a stick of warm butter bites it and eats it paper and all.
Appalled i asked why did he do that?!
Carl the bum explained it keeps beer foam at bay in your gut early in the morning.
I admit I have used this trick for early tailgates or fishing trips as i got older.
Thanks Carl the bum
Been working since 6am today. So prob not more than this Today and i will slow down to maybe a story or two a day. This is the home stretch
Well since Im not getting any help beach stories come early.
Moved to myrtle beach when i was 22 (1995) to start steel business w my dad.
My Dad was a big time CEO that didnt need to work again. Just wanted to and had a great idea.
Dad and I went to Sam's club every Sunday after church. Chicken, rice, beans, for dinner every meal at home. Ham sandwiches for lunch every day. Bought the bread at Merita discount day old bread store. It sucked
So we go in to Sams grab our cart and we are doing our thing. Dad was a tall guy 6ft2. He is squinty eyed staring at something. I see this look over and there is a guy stealing Sam s club jeans. Well Dad cannot let this injustice stand. I beg Dad to differ to
Mr Loss Prevention but nope Dad has his Dirty Harry hat on.
He pushes the cart and me over towards the guy.
Dad: excuse me Sir, you gotta pay for those
Crook: Fu ck off ol man.
Dad never said the F word around me to that point ever. He did not take kindly to people swearing Willy nilly.
Dad: Sir if you Don t put those back now , you WILL be going to jail
Crook: Fu ck you man Fu ck off.
Dad did not like not being taken seriously. He had just got canned in a large acquisition of the steel mills he ran. 2k people used to jump when he said jump. He wasn't to take shit off a grifter pants thief.
Dad loses the cart and is now walking towards the guy.
Dad:Sir, i am placing you under citizens arrest.
This got the crooks attention. The crook turns looks at my Dad and RUNS!
It was like a kitten trying to escape a Pitt bull room. Him and my Dad are over her,over there,back that way, now over there again.
About this time a large man w a security coat is heading in to the game.
They are both chasing the crook.
The whole time Im right there w them just to make sure the dude doesnt try to blade my Dad.
The crook gets just out the front on sidewalk my Dad on his ass and security a second behind. As my Dad is going out of the store and old church lady was pushing a cart out w all her stuff. Dad nicely bumps the lady out the way, grabs her cart and pushes it towards the fleeing jeans thief.
Like a scene out of that bowling movie w woody harrelson and crazy Quaid the cart zips across the parking lot and slams the crook on his heel as he was running away.
The crook is on the ground writhing around after his face plant.
Security man jumps on the guy.
Crook lost a couple teeth and had a broken ankle and went to jail. Sam s security couldnt believe what Dad had done to stop the thief.
4 weeks in a row we got free chicken,rice, beans, and sandwich ham but we still had to buy day old bread.
I have found grocery store guys are either bad ass or not. There is no in between.
Maybe ill tell the football player story tonight
Forklift fixer guy is here so i got a little time.
Enjoy.
So i grew up in Columbia from 8-22. I knew everyone in the city and am likeable so i had a place in 100s of circles.
I am a sophomore in college 19 w a fake ID.
Well one of my buddies is a walk on at USCjr. He is good friends w a guy on the team who is a giant.(went on to play nfl for over a decade and now is a head coach of a HS powerhouse. Super great man and a hunting buddy)
We have spring break and the football team guys are ready to go hard. My family had a beach house across the street from the beach. It was party time.
I always drove. Still do. Hate not being in control of the wheel or when i come or go. So we head to the beach in my 86Jimmy and have 3 cars following. Im burning but most everyone else is drinking. Columbia to myrtle is a 2 HR drive so most everyone primed up as we get in to town. Where hwy544 hits hwy17(main Rd at the beach) there used to be a Kroger. We all know already i hate Kroger. But it is right there and on the way so Kroger it is.
Each car had 3-4 people in it and each person has a cart to get a weeks provisions and beer. (We bought liquor in cola) well me, walk on, and football giant man are running laps and everyone is acting like college kids day buzzed having good clean fun. No one is acting shitty it is the first day of SPRING BREAK 1992! Giant has two carts slam full BC he has to eat like 10k calories a day.
Well I m over at the deli waiting on meat slicing and Giant is looking at their sweet counter and walk on in between us.(walk on went to grade school and high school w all of us)
This nice young new Mother is buying a Baptism cake for her new child. How beautiful a moment for her right?
Well the Kroger deli had been having turnover and they bring a little Aynor(redneck hard core area. Still has klan) fag over from meat cutting to help in the deli. He didnt want to be in the deli and was very poor interacting w customers. The lady says
"I want it to say: Happy Baptism Day Maria
Easy enough right? Nope. Aynor is a dumbfuck and a bean pole w a scraggly mustache about 5ft2. He writes on the cake:
I want it to say happy baptism day Maria.
What a dip s hit.
So Mother sees this and says it is wrong. She is flustered BC she is on the way to the church and doesnt have time to kill. We are all watching but really just waiting our turn at this point.
So Aynor gets all shitting and starts talking smack to the new young Mother. Well now all 3 of us are very interested as we always help people in their time of need.
Aynor is berating this women even though she did nothing
Giant chimes in
Giant: hey buddy Don t talk to her like that go get another cake and do it right for her.
Aynor: mind you own business
Giant: your mistake is costing me time. I am now part of this.
Aynor:you aint s hit. Get out of my store
The cake is on top of the counter which for normal people is chest high. For Giant it was at his waist.
Giant:get the fucking cake and do your job or i will make you do it.
Aynor leans up to the counter and confidently says "yeah watcha gonna do?"
Giant with just his right arm snatches the guy by the neck lifts him over the counter and places his ass and back on the opened up cake. Aynor is trying to scream but cant BC Giant has him by the throat. Giant slides Aynor up and down the counter as he flails in the cake box. This all happened in less than 30 seconds.
Me being a life long hooligan,knows, we gotta GTFO fast.
Giant lets go and Aynor grabs his own throat and starts shrieking like a cat getting fucked hard. We all leave our carts and are about to bolt. As we turn to run Walk on says to Mother "there is a foodlion down the road with cakes" (lol) The other carloads of peple do not see any of this. They just see us run out the front sprinting. Well we have always been friends. They all start running out the store also. So 12-14 full grown men all just bolted out the store in a minute.
Add on:
We go to the foodlion 2 miles down hwy17 and resume shopping as we tell the other cars what happened. Well in walk Mother and Maria. She thanks us and tells us how great we were. She buys her cake we get provisions and had a great SPRING BREAK 1992!
nick names are standard operating procedure in our group.
After the Publix duck hunt i was elmer fludd for a long time.
Only nick name to ever stick on me was Bubbles. Got it in key west. Ill work that beach story in later
Still no forklift for me. My loss=yalls gain
*****not a grocery store. Mostly a titty bar*****
Ok key west im 30 or so yr first day in town.
Staying at the Hyatt w Grim /Evil Genius,Sleepy, Slash and me.
Me and evil genius have always been best friends. Sleepy and Slash were 2 yrs behind us in class but ran w the cool kids. Sleepy is exactly as the nick name goes but he also loves strippers, X, and strippers. At this time Sleepy is knocking down 600k a yr. He is also known as Dad amongst us. When Sleepy does talk, you listen.
(Slash is actually living in my new place as he lost his job due to covid)
So we end end up at the Russian titty bar at like 9pm. No idea really but we weren't drunk yet.
So we are all getting dances and having fun. Sleepy is being his normal X/stripper/bourbon self.
Well we went to the Keys bc I wanted to go diving there as me and a girl I was messing with were just certified. So I wanna dive like 3 days out of our 7 days down there.
In 1HR we spent probably 5k on the strippers and are clearly leading the pack in the strip club. All the hot Russian bloc chicks are trying to get our attention hard.
Well it gets to be 10pm or so and im a tad buzzed up and smoked a little. The others are rolling their faces off. I wanted to go diving at 7am the boat launches so I m kinda good behavior.
So I cant find EG or Slash. Which everyone knows is a good thing. So I find Sleepy. I interrupt his action and tell him I m taking off to go to bed so i can dive in the morning.
He begs me not to go but I remain steadfast in my resolve as i really wanna dive in these waters.
So just as I am leaving, one foot out the front door, this petite Russian goddess I was sweet on comes running up behind me...
Russian: wait wait Don t go
Me: I am leaving to go diving in the morning. I have to go to get sleep.
Russian: no no donot go.
So im walking and she leaves the titty bar too walking w me.
(Other stuff happens which yall Don t need to know. Use your vibrant imaginations)
So about 3am maybe a Lil earlier Sleepy,EG, and Slash get home. I Don t hear them.
They come to our hot tub and there is the Russian but no Rebarcock.
They ask Russian how the hell did you get in here. She reaches in the water grabs my hair and pulls me up.
Rebarcock: hey yall did you have fun out?
Sleepy: FUCKING BUBBLES!
It is rare a nickname sticks on me. That one stuck
Edit add on
Sleepy told the Russian to go get me when she followed Ivan the manager made him pay 5k for her leaving. He never said a word about it and i didnt find out til the following fall when we were at the SEC Championship game which is a whole nother atory
when i moved to MB i was 22. My dad and i lived in the beach house til our old house sold. Then him and my mom got a new olace and i had to find a place for myself. I moved down the road from some strippers and manager at THE MASTERS GENTLEMENS CLUB.
This may wiggle around but ill try to make it clear. I am writing this stream of thought/memory.
So Slick and his girl MaCoke were living together and i still see them every couple years. I consider them good friends. Well Slicks brother (we will call him Stinky) Stinky is moving down from jersey to the beach.
Stinky and I get a Lil pad next door to my 1br place. Well foodlion is just down the road.
Slick got Stinky a job at Masters and Macoke worked there too.
(I am the only one in our friends at this time working a normal job. All others are food/bev/tittles.
So i think it was super bowl 1998. Not everyone had a cell phone but i did. Same number i have today.
We throw a party and it is a couple of my normal buddies and 100 people that work at the Masters. Gotta be 60 strippers there.
Well two of these girls both like me but not each other.
I have no idea they Don t like each other.
At the party we run out of something. Cant remember what but we need someone to hit foodlion. Well we all know i love grocery stores so i chime in i will go. My truck tgen was a big dodge 4 door. But for some reason i had steel work stuff in tge back seat so room only for me +1. I ask the party if we need anything else and both these chicks come scooting over and wanna ride w me. Well i can only take one so i say first girl who asks can go. Girl 2 did not like that and somehow put visine in girl 1wine. If you Don t know visine will give you bubble guts faster than exlax. I certainly did not know this then.
So me and girl1 polish off our beverages and leave for the store maybe 1.5 mile away.
About the time we pull up i can see distress on girl1's face. As we are walking in I ask her if she is ok. We make it through the doors and she says see is gonna use the bathroom. I say no problem I am gonna go get the stuff. 5 min or less later I m hitting the cashier. Well this new foodlion has bathrooms at the front of the store. As I walk up to the cashier i can see someone had an accident before getting in the women's bathroom. I ask what happen and the young cashier dude said
"Some really hot girl just s hit all over the floor and ran out."
I looked honestly everywhere for her for 30-45min.
I call the party and ask if she is back there.
Stinky rode his furry bike around looking for her on the road
Girl1 never came back to the party or went back to masters to ever work again
Girl2 won. We banged that night
Lunch over forklift ready. I gotta work. Talk soon
I m trying to remember one i thought of earlier today but I cant recall if i was young or old. I have to compartmentalize different Reabarcock life timelines. If i didnt I would be depressed BC im possibly hell bound(not really but for the drama it worked)
Lil bit of dirty myrtle in all of us.
Don t steal anymore. You are absolved by Rebarcock.
So i got a great two part story that is me and Evil/Grim and a Lil politician kid. From here out we can call gim Booger. Ga/USC FB game and the first super bowl Brady won. No grocery stories but it is a Doozy. (Hot chicks,football,nachos then super bowl, fallin', spiritual stuff, dudes tripping, super bowl actually there,misery, drive home)
But it isnt a grocery story.
You find out who your real friends are in time of peril. That is why peril is needed
Beautiful. Friends and stories are special. They are usually funny or bad for us to remember.
I just read the first 1.5 pages to Slash.
He really enjoyed it.
Bubbles out.
You in Mt Pleasant back then? I sold insurance in Charleston briefly, years ago. I was visiting some clients over in Mt P once, on Snowden Rd, and had no idea Mt Pleasant had areas that weren't lilly white. Not a soul on that street was white that I saw lol.
Yesm i used to live in Greenhill til that place burned down. It is a sister community to Snowden off mathis ferry Rd. Now I live in Philips community off 41. Love it there
Im good for ammo on the guns i have now. I m thinking about getting a 22 repeater w a scope but haven t even really looked yet.
I have a 1000 rounds for a 22 and no gun.
I want a 17 shot that loads under the barrel. I grew up shooting one and it was a great reliable accurate shot. I nee s to look online or at palmetto
No you drop them in right by the end of the barrel. I m in the middle of a takeoff. When i get a min ill post a pic
Didnt grow up there but opened a shop in 1995. Moved in 2004. Shop still there
I lived off 62nd and 67th later but started out off forestbrook when i first moved there. What company you work for
Childish slang growing up. We always nickname anything possible
So I left work on a Friday afternoon.
Early summer 1999ish
Fridays at 5pm in MB is a traffic jam in all directions. So we would hit a surfer bar and get loose til 7pm then cruise home without traffic jams.
So I have Roscoe and Kayla (dogs)with me and a buddy is following us. We stop at a tourist grocery store(foodlion) just to get some beer and go out to the beach.
We pull up and park 69 style towards the middle of the lot. We see 3 young people acting the fool walking in to the store.
One of them sees my dogs and starts freaking. No big deal as MB is a vacation town and it is very normal to see people acting nutty on vacation.
Me and my dirty Pal(call him Dirty) walk in heading towards the beer aisle.
We hear screaming and see this guy running around the back of the store.
He is screaming "GET IT AWAY GET IT OFF ME. OW IT IS BITING ME"
Well being curious i wanna see what is chasing these tards.
Me and Dirty walk to the back and this dude is running around w his buddies chasing him.
Then he just suddenly stops, grabs a pole and locks his hands around it.
Well we are a good 4 aisles away and can tell these dudes are on drugs.
Spazzy starts crying. Like full blown snot bubble crying.
Wt f is wrong w these dudes.
Spazzy starts screaming again but wont let go of the post. His friends are trying to get him to let go but he starts screaming the dogs are gonna keep biting him.
At this point I fig they ate acid. Dude must have a phobia of dogs and seeing mine triggered the Fu ck outta him.
Roscoe was big and marked black and tan. Kinda looks like a floopy ear Doberman. kayla was a white mutt.
We are not going anywhere. We wanna watch what happens with these light weights from Ohio. ..
Well a few min later in walks a cop. Straight to them w a manager. The two buddies wanna peel away but the cop came up fast. Cop is asking questions but none of them can answer. Cop sees us. I mention it seems they ate acid and are tripping their balls off.
Cop calls EMT.
3 ambulances show up. It takes a half HR but they finally get Spazzy to let go of the pole. Strap him into the gurney where he cant move at all. They haul them away.
It dawned on me that it became a self fulfilling prophecy. Because they did get his ass which is why he was freaking out
It hasnt turned turnt to s hit it has gotten bigger. Progress or regress which is better? Not trying to be a Dick so please Don t take it that was but if it weren't for growth I wouldnt part own 3 steel shops
Come back and golf and see the good.
Ying Yang
Strong Dong style
Me too. We can go. Withernfriendsnboat or head boat deneding oncwhat yo wanna fish. Id reathcerbfish toom hiy me up. If my 27ft walk around triton isnworking we will go on them if now inhave friends w boats.
No I leftbwork early. I live in a swanpy spotnnow so Imcjustcgoing bringing inv5 dumpnloapds. 2 fill/ 2 top black soil and 15 tons of 1/4 0r 3/8 slaq ..I have a coule more 10+ that are good nut not grocery store. Ill up them out there too.. I got really busy at work so it cut in also.
Everything thisg is true but minor details that aren't releveant. I also have coolvones when fuckes w me now in jail for robbing backs and countrefit strories
That past is gone but I have 100+ good stories. This why I don't leave house for anywhere butfrom anothrr house. . i hit bank gas or store.
Maybe I will start another thread. Iikked writing thhese
Involve in Mt pleasant now.and ivmaake enough tocstop stealin. .I stopped at 22 . now i help as many asbi can to my own detriment
So I am gonna change the title of thread. Bow it is just stories.
Me and the kid who threw the bike at Mr.LP
Were hanging out on a friday (he is dead now so we can call him Jimmy)
Well at 15 i didnt and wouldnt do any hard SHIT. Booze and gangja soloamentë.
Well Jimmy the half pipe skeater and a buddy we can call Mr Dental all went to a kegger and the other 3 dropped.
Fast forward it is midnight and I got half oile, Jimmy to their places and me and Mr Dental
Got home.
I had trained our spaniels to never bark on my entry. Anyone else they went ape SHIT. But Im the dog guy....
So me and Mr Dental are in the front and almost on the first step towards freedom.
Then my mom yells out my dads name. They are hard core getting it on. Tripping Mr Dental could not contain himself and died laughing loudly repeating my Father's name.
To this day my folks have never brought it up.
I have a couple that id love to tell. But I don't wanna taken over like the grocery thread.
Anhthing welcome.
You were trudging thru a rice paddy
You were in a ford boardroom meeting
You farted and blamed your mother in law.
Basically a thread for us to just tell funny stories. I can tell a story about a bird shutting on my German Grandma in Ireland. I also got shitfaced on the same trip five stories up over Galway Bay Ireland.
If others chip in stories i think this could be good.
I do not get a ton of putang but i am not a gay. My friends and the like may call me a faggot or dicksucker but usually there is booze involved
Dude i think Imsaying my shjt out to form a good book. The content I have read over the past 20 years is incredible. I prefer true stiff but as long as it is funny i will allow it. The world needs to laugh.
OT doesnt work that way. I try to edit the next day. The stories are dunnoer when i drunk tell them. Do not restrict the Irish bard in me.
I don't really care where you put ducks in your body. So start a thread for your kind faggot
I can puke on command. Since i can remember like 2 yr i could always do it.
When I was 16 a freshman who was also 16 drove to school. (He was a functioning tard.)
I covered his hole wind shield and all handles or key holes w barf. We are friends and he is a game warden now.
Of no one else tells stories I wont keep OT up. And I have 10000s OS based in truth stories. Most good. Some bad.
So my femur was broken and i had two screws holding it together. The Drs cut my cast and added hinges. The cast weighed more than me. Im 13 as a freshman. 1 week outta the hospital after compound fracture playing football.
Me and Grim(evil genius) pick the lock (I did it. I can pick locks too) of his war hero grandpas liquor cabinet. We did a good 8 shots of gin and a couple brandy each.
It is dusk.
Im hobbling having just had a big surgery and Im already drunk and Grim is just drunk.
We start taking roadsigns out of the ground. Stupid kid shit. Ol man Jenkins sees us and is hollering and coming at us. Grm runs. I can only hobble and ol Jenkins is gaining. Right then a 1985 celebrity (had an i saw the Lizard Man sticker on it) pulled up and i jumped in. O l man Jenkins cursed me.
My buddy Mr D saved my ass. We met Grim back at his house and later found gis grandpas grenade whilSt still drunk.
So I got cooper he was 9 weeks old. Best pooch ever. Fast forward a yr and me him a couple chicks and my buddy are in a 28ft triton walk around. We go oit to an island but I have my dog in a float vest. He is a big beast.
I jave. No idea how he did it but he ran for 1 HR and came back w 3 bikini tops. We called him Champ the rest of the day. He later tried being pals w some dolphin but the didnt like him bc he is black i think
Thanks for a great story and service
I always drove sticks AMD used to hit the brake looking for the clutch
I gotta catch up bit this is a good one if i can paint the picture right.
I grew up in Columbia
Late 89 I got a 1986 Jimmy 4x4 red two door.
I had to cut my mullet for a court hearing so I now look like a respectable senior at the Catholic high school.
Me and mikeD are cruising to go burn one before some school function.
There is a long cut through road just down from our school. Clemson Dr if I remember correctly. Well on the right is a church and on left is a school w a big play ground.this place flooded out terribly. After a good rain we always made a point to go hit lake Clemson doing 50+. Stupid kid shit.
Well the church musta been having a potluck dinner that evening. Current time 430pm.
Well it had rained all day long so we were taking the cut thru to hit lake Clemson.
Long straight road, rich neighborhood.
There is an olds98 parked by the church ALL FOUR DOORS OPEN and parked in the middle of the road puddle. I Immediately knew what i was going to do. I start speeding up and yell to mikeD "this is gonna tne one for the books"
This puddle was a good 60 yards and deepest at the 30 yard mark. That was precisely where the olds98 was parked doors open. We are just hitting 50 and are entering the start of the puddle.
At this moment we are committed to drenching this car entirely.
The wave my 86 Jimmy would put up was impressive. The driver was all world at puddle moving.
Just then two older ladies peak up, one standing bent over at the driver side door one at the rear passenger.
Me and mikeD see them at the same time and yelled oh s hit but i secretly was even happier these two people popped up. (I was 16 as a senior and a bad kid but i was taught right so keep reading)
The wave encompassed AND passed thru the entire car. The two grandmas were as wet as they could be from jumping off a ship.
MikeD is fully turned around and going ape s hit. Im laughing may nuts off. We made it about 100 yards past them and i turned around. We pull up and i gave them each a towel from my truck and plead ignorance to the puddle. The inside of the old98 held four casseroles. Greenbean casserole,some chicken pot pie looking shit, Mac and cheese the southern way and i think sweet potatoe casserole too. Well the food was covered so it was ok. I gave the ladies my truck to ho home and clean up. We took the casseroles inside and took the olds98 w a 4barrel carb to clean it out for the grannies. Well 16 yr and 18 yr dudes wanna see what a 350 4barrel can do. So we had our fun doing 360 and a couple neutral drops then went over to franks car wash and had our buddy vacuum and clean the hell out of the olds98. Payment was we caught gim a buzz. About 630 we run the olds98 back to the scene of the crime. Those Lil ol grannies thought we were so nice for stopping to help. Their husbands knew we were full of shit. askiing howd we get going that fast and be in the wrong lane to make the 86jimmy drench the grannies?
Well my dad worked w one guy. When i said my last name he knew it bc where we were from it is uncommon pretty much. We made a deal he would keep quiet if i did 4 Saturdays work for him. Well mikeD and i did over two months. Grandpa asked us to tell him the story. We all laughed and laughed. He illegally gave us bud heavies each time we helped. I helped him until i was 22 and left for myrtle beach to start the shop w my Dad
That ol timer was a WWII bomber guy. He was an amazing man and his wife was a sweetie. Mike D helped the other granny and her husband and became friendly w them too. Funny how the Lord does it
eat a Dick. He is helping to get content added. Tell a fuck ING story faggot
@Croot_Overlord can you merge the grocery store thread into this one?
Im such a loser like reading my own stories
The Story of Booger
Me mikeD and Boog are still buddies. After my place burnt up Boog helped me out a bunch. They are good people.
Before Boog was Boog he was a normal kid. Played QB, baseball, dated a hot slutty chick etc
Well in the time of one week he grew a skin tag just above right eyelid but below his eyebrow. We teased him but it was harmless. Like they used to call me crip. No biggie. Well we are horny 16yr guys.
We are hungry and in irmo sc. There was a Hooters there. We have a plan. Eat shitty food and check out the T&A. Can t lose.
Well we all won but Boog
This smokeshow is waiting on 5 of us. We order 100wings and 2 pitchers. I had a fake ID. Waitress knew we were under but dngaf BC it was 2pm on a slow Saturday.
So we are there for probably 90 minutes.
Well Hooters had a policy where the chicks would sit and chat you up. So this chick was having a good time w us 5 young good looking guys.
We get the tab from her and me and Boog are chatting across from each other. The waitress says "this has been bothering me since you walked in." She pinches his skin tag and is pulling his eyebrow. She tugs like 3x (thinking it is lint or fabric) and he smacks her hand and Boog says "yeah Ive been meaning to have that removed"
well we all fucking died. Holy shit his heading was going towards her 3x times she tugged.
Booger on the eye is his full name. We call him Boog
Fuck yes man. All stories. I just tell the funny ones.
Please tell me your story. Im Irish and stories are the best medicine.
dude im the most not look at me guy, i know you got some good ones
I got a story of Mexicans jumping from 3 stories up and running away. Dirty Myrtle
ID like it here but
whynotboth.gif
I havent served the USA but i have seen a lot. I find telling stories makes me smile. For a couple years I have been afraid of the next boot on my neck killing me.
Ive gone back to my roots on what makes me happy and smiling. I love listening to stories more than telling them.
I always bottle up. Well these stories allow me to express and have fun and feel normal again.
Wow man. Get to mtp and ill make you laugh and pay the tab. Your bravery is amazing. Thanks for your story.
Mt pleasant. Next door to Charleston. One bridge over
I've been busy w steel and end of Qtr. Ill try and come up w some stories of my life over the weekend.
Yall may know my mom
Edit:
I think the Gramps feller was a DooLittle Raider.
Shit. You know the Master's?
My fam in mb since 95. It is not easy but when it is hard it is good. Life is weird
So here's a little story i like to tell about three bad brothers you know so well........
Im 14. Leg broke as fuck.(2nd story of 2)
Ill tell you 1 if i get 15 likes
I ducked up and posted. Im gonna edit and post the story. Gimmie 5
So growing up in my Irish fam you had to pull your own weight no matter your leg situation. I couldn't walk a mower so my Pops got me a craftsman 11HP. Grey and sleek.
So I had to mow lawns w a hinged up cast from my toes to my hip. I was clunky. My pedal foot was broken
Im mowing the yard as i had done a dozen ttimes. (New house my Dad just hit jackpot) we lived along a creek w a big residential lake behind my folks home.
I decided right beside the creek I could mow instead of weed eat.....wrong.
I flipped 2x for a 720 score. That craftsman mower gave no fucks about me or my leg.
The mower ends up front wheels in the creek motor partially submerged but being held out by vines.
Im 14. I go in to the house and get Mom and Dad to the table
Rebar: in 10 yrs we are all gonna laugh about what Im Fixing to tell you.
M&D: s hit Whatd you do?!......
I take them out to see. They start laughing. My Pops started poking me. I explain it rolled over for a 720. Ngaf.
Our neighbor had a treerope and that w a Buick pulled out the tractor from the creek.
Dude be the best friend you can be. I have needed an shitload of help. It has taken me +/-the past 24 months to get back to normal..
Be there for your Pal and fight to help him.
Imho
Sometime around 1992 me and my buddies were preparing for the end of the semester. We decided all we needed was a beach house,mdma,weed,and tobacco. We could always catch fish to eat. So about dec29 1992 we head to my folks beach house.
Our neighbor who owned the house was the director of DNR(wildlife) Marion Burnside his grand kid was a rich POS. He stole his folks credit cards to buy shit to trade for crack. Well his family put a warrant out on his ass.
As we pull up to our house(the beach in off season used to be like no man's land in a horror movie) well he found out there was a warrant he split town. All cards canceled
We get in to the house and party a couple days. Booger notices the neighbors house had been broken in to. Well we are all early 20s. We go and check it out. Sure enough the kid is in their and we know him. He is a big dick sucker and none of us like his crack head self. He begs us for food. Sorry dont have have any to spare.
A Wihile later we see him head to the ocean w a rod. While sitting on the porch w notice he has hooked a fish. Reels it in. Gets it off the hook. A fucking osprey jettisoned down at 100mph and snatched his dinner. He actually caught the bird by a leg and pulled. All he got for dinner was an osprey leg. We called the cops on 12.31 so he would spend new years in the clank
When I was 13 i was a freshman at a catholic school. I convinced a high level religious teacher and a Español learnyadoda professora that giraffes could talk. Humans just had not kept them in captivity long enough to figure it out.
Teachers and nurses
True story
So there's a chance
Thinking about joining a ayauscha tribe in Orlando. I need some fixing
Anyone interested?
This isn't where I'd go but you get the drift
I may need some Karma fixing and eat gator tail
5Th-8TH iGOT MY CUT .
love to see you return. ...
Completely refrain from trols Deplorable rube and a could others they are scrubbing off nuzltz in subseicgerd
Mobic brans
Nake
Moloazacham Genric
2 weeks Supply stopped all the pain and every spot of my body for 4 weeks.
Nsaid ike celebrexe.fyi
Kids family farm in church. I just wanna smile or laugh before bed. Could be 50 years ago or 4 minutes ago.
Cooper is staring to shows signs my other coonhounds have shown before lymphoma took em. But he still has weight mind and gets around alright.
I'm up to 6-8hr days working so long as I can rest. But I'm bummed my dogs is at 12-18 months if I'm lucky.
No grey is his eyes and the black and tan is still a tough guy
13onmay 2h
I'm a 1/4 Italian from Sicily. My grandma was born there. I've have a dozen mob in newkrleans ond dirty myrtle. Yall find a good story I'll consider tiddy bar stories too.
The grocery store stories were just fucking hilarious. Shooting dovebin Publix and the pizza to Jaba the hut who went on to strst an insurance company we good.
.please all yall
If not I'm gonna fuck right off
I'm disarmed. TopHook you a good guy. Big giant fucking smile
Stories from others so I can bounce banter or I'm trained in barrel rolls to gtf to lurking
No prob. I'm gonna turn some of my focus elsewhere
Hec is acquiring the same thing that happened on my last Coonhound when he hit 11:11 and a half but Cooper has no gray in his eyes he's fit he's doing well but I think what's happening is I think he has a fatty too impression on his stomach because he gags and does some other things but I mean I want to keep him for 15 or 16 years I've done a hell of a job feeding him everything that's proper and exercise and doing stuff and everything we've been through I do not want to give them up early
4500 to to maybe get the tumor our. I can't spend 4500cto keep online til he loses his hips shits and piss. Shittirst day to bena dog owner. But he is getting more snuggles and attention that when I'm drunk
Pro tip I learned I learned from an rough neck oil well guy then switched to the rebar. And I was selling rebar bar for the job. Always keep a pair of 4boxers a four pack of white t-shirts and a 12 pack of socks in your vehicle at all times. He learned that on the oil rig and I learned it in the steel World it really does help
I'm dead guy bow but he was brilliant. Sold seven ideas to military ove 2nil per idea in the early 40s. They contracted him til the 80s
I dont have dyslexia but I do learn differently. I'm more of a visual learner and I'm very good at self teaching and understanding cuz I had a parochial schooling. This guy was a little bit of a Maverick but one of the coolest people you could ever imagine.
He taught me how to pick locks and break into safes
Be taught me lock picking and safer crack
...I hooked up more before I was 17 and I did after I was 30
Itbisba noncommon name
I still have the leg splint from that dreadful night off I95
So one of my best buddies yall may remember as Booger Eye from the grocery store Harry Peter.
We were seniors is high school. He was a second day pitcher on the BB team and I had spring open.
Booger is a big time prankster. To this day 37 years later he is the exact same.
He and I were parking and he slammed my truck door w his palm so I thought I hit my Jimmy 4x4 on something. Dame he got me
So at some point we end up I'm driving and these two smoking hot girls pull up next to us. He is scoping them out with his window down and I yell "eat your pussy Mam?" He was so mortified he dropped the seat back to lay down as I waved at the girls. They were fucking dieing laughing.
He took it too far and did something. I can't even remember what it was.
So the next day they had a BB game. He drove a Ford Galaxy w a 454. We could fit 8 people easy in it.
Well I was still really pissed off. So I drive out to Polo rd (for the Columbia folks) I climbed up his windshield squatted and dropped a solid waste management unit dead center driver vision. Wiped my ass and smeared it.
He got me back a week later in the same complex. I was driving an 86 stang 5.0 convertible. Parked w top down. He had another buddy Scaggs take me to smoke a doob and used that 454 to fill the 5.0 with fine sea sand.
I spent an hr digging sand out just to get it to the vacuum at car wash
Any yall wanna hear a true story or a tale? Tbh I believe the tales. What I tell as stories are almost 100%true. I'm a fucking half drunk tardhalf of a half of an instance.
Still not as funny as AIbot
Did you Elon mush link my brain to power your fucking computer self aware sgit bagain.
It was TJs sister. Tammy Mammy. Second time I broke my tibula
Before the new moon I'll story a new thread
Is it wrong when you hit a toot you get more tired but you munch two footballs and teach a new dance?
Eta my fibula would be fine but they used Hellmans
I'm both Irish and Black. I don't look like an Enigmatic person but here we are.
When others speed me up I slow down. I'm a mellow fucking berserker @Viking a Flood type event one needs to prepare for properly.
But let me have no inhibitions and I'll have anywhere singing and dancing and I won't remember a tad bit.
I like to think I'm the angels etch a sketch of true goodness.
@Densel Or me. I posted my cell and @njnole left it up.
Dm here if you really need.a hand w anything.
I've never ridden a horse. I never dove til I did and they had never seen such a low use of oxy. I feel like I'd be that on a horse.
Go Cocks. I'm conflicted. As a fighting Irish I wanna fight a chicken
It is a vibing African Irish Shaman dNce not Sheman dance.
Anyone want a story?
Who told you
I use light like you use radar
Just less teeth and spit from me
Ive been fucking w the cartels for fun. Burner phones and false.screemshots
So Boog had it tougher growing up probably than any of us. His mom though was the ticket manager at Carolina Coliseum at SC. Back in our day no one was bashing gays but Boogs mom was friends w a dude who was queer as hell and a legit black belt. Like he was a bad dude. Him and his BF owned a furniture store. We can call him Warrior Princess
They would pay us cash or beer or ganja to do furniture deliveries around Columbia bc Princess and BF knew we were good and be polite. For me these were the 1st Homer's I'd ever met and they were open about it. Back in the late 80s many were still in the closet but you knew they were. (Iwas also Catholic so I knew a a handful of pedos also. I'll think about how to tell some of those in a good fashion. Hard to make pedo shit priests funny but I'll try)
Anyway
We were delivering a hutch, 2 lazy boy,and a kitchen table.
Well Princess the bad ass dude rides w us which he had never done before.
We get there and he stays in the truck. Me and boog are moving the new furniture in to a nice middle class home.
The woman who answered was nice. Normal 35 lady.
There is some dude there maybe 5-10 210lbs smoking sticks. Slimy kinda dude. We ask where she want stuff. This goes there etc.... we take one of the chairs upstairs.
Slimy yells at me and boog "yall don't go up there getting faggot" I'm confused af bc well neither of us are gay. He hadn't seen princess in the truck.we come down stairs and the lady is mortified and apologizing incessantly. Hands us ea a 20.00 which today would be Like 100.00. I walk out 1st an as boog is coming up behind he tries to kick him in the ass. Booger was a good athlete. Scoots blocks and tells the guy my boss is in the truck if you have a problem.
Apparently, this dude had shit talked Princess. They had some history of which I still don't know what that is.
Boog one hops the stairs towards the truck.
Boog tells Princess "you were right"
Princess the Ninja Warrior hops out and literally jumps up 6 stairs and with out touching the ground kicks this fuckers head. It was like Jordan doing a Karate Kid Swan Kick up a front door stoop. The slimy bastard tried some shit but Warrior Princess locked him up, spun around put Boss ass on the dude face and farted.
I had no idea wtf was happening or how to process what was happening.
Then he tells us to leave the back door open and to leave. Well we didn't want to leave without Princess. He tells us to go. As we drive out he jumps up gives the dude an elbow chop to kno k the breath out of him and jumps in the back of the truck and we drove away.
Boss ass I'd guess I can't find it
Fixes. My bad
U had hoss hawg instead of Voss hogg or hoss or Boss. I ain't perfect you tweedley shit wipe.
I try to make my stories habla correctamundo af
I have a bother story to write but I have to get a ball from q fucking lab Mutt
So there I was on a head boat deep sea fishing outta Murrels Inlet,SC, seafood Capitol of the World.
I was waiting tables and working steel.
In the 1995-6 range.
(My prints don't work bc of micro abrasions from tiny cuts for 30 years)
So this chick was engaged to a big end MB cokehead who was also a Cock head. @TopHook you know these fucks.
I worked for this perfectly devine person. I liked him. He liked me. We got along well.
He was booger sugared. Back when white meant right on give me a toot. But his appetite was insatiable before court.
LONG STORY short
Any if yall would have fucked her too. And she was cool and funny
I feel privileged to be her fucktoy break up.
True story
Fucking dick warts dirty whore
When I was 13 I got busted in a rudimentary counterfeiting scheme. I devised it all by myself ay 12.
I cut money up and made new money. Think photo shop in real life no computers.
The way money looks now is bc of a dumbass 13yr.
I shit you knot
Anyone wanna here how a 13 yr old boy beats SLED and the Feds? They still love me. They know I'm there to help wingnut.
Give me a minute. I know the whole story
We were in the neck
So it used to be:
You could cut up a 20 and concrete paste it on a 1.00. You had to go to scale bc you needed 2 of ea side. (Every $ has a left and right) long story can't even tell it. If yall give a fuck I'll tell it all true. I read all this before I went to work. @kingsolomonwisdom tell Joseph's Son of God I'm a good dude. I'll never go to the Darkseid.
I was on a boat 10 years later w a fed who had been taught of my example. I once went past 20 miles me and the Captain got High af. Me.and DAWSON. worst fishing day of my life. Still fun. Had a half dozen sonic booms go off. All ayes. Only time I ever blew chunks off a boat.
The details are where shit get funny.
You could do it w 50s or 100s but people notice Ben franklin. They don't notice Jackson from Washington. They know who exploits that loopset
I'm a fucking wedding planner. You're either never married, never heard of RebarCock, or or or or a fucking Vermont tweedley. Are you w @Jake Broe Stan ? It makes perfect sense. You like Duke's or Heilman's more you fucking notsee?
I do think , in this spect and retrospect, you can eat a butthole bc your breath smells like that is normal. Brush your teeth Cappy Cyrstal. You're dumb ass had sed youres in the wrong places
Who wants to hear about stories of success? These are the middling years.
Hello I am Frank Bagleshwartz. They never proved shit
Fuck yeah. I caught crabs and had to shave or burn everything. You wanna hear the story again?
Well I almost chops my arm off. Will yall donate to my beer fund to stop the itching? The shit itches like sun poisoning. My Irish folks know about that. Scratch ya later
IL l do it tomorrow. Her name is Ms Rhett. I love her. She kept me from bleeding out.
Who wants some old but new to yall stories?
I'm drinking a beer with some old friends and can gather material from them. They remember my antics more than I ever have. This shit is all normal to me.
I have a shitload of CRAZY MEDICAL stories if yall wanna read that. I wake up under anesthesia about everything but it is rare I fall asleep under Anastasia.
The nurse who saved my arm/life is a real life Angel.i gave her my info. I told her is she has 10 kids I'll pay for all their colleges. Whatever she would ever need I'd agree to. What a smile in one of my equally hardest moments. I came really close to being perished flesh
I didn't have enough blood to wake up from surgery. They shot me w cocaine and gave me ketamine.
I left same day.
Next day I was welding like a fucking retard
It hurt so bad
I'm going to rent a car and go find Ms Rhett
Hey you have any other Walmart/Publix tips?
Dude I got some I remember on his Clearance ass
I'm reading thru to make sure I don't regurgitation the propagation of the popularization of this threadation.
I'm faiy sure I haven't told the spleen removal story from last Valentine's Day. Oh how I
that story. It was so romantic I didn't die again.
Do You Want to Tell a Story
Original creator Patrick "Rebarcock." Flood
I like Publix best but now have to drive by two Harry Peters and two walmarts before i see a Publix. Both are out if the way. Publix is a conservative owned store too.
I hate Kroger since i was 13 and would take wine coolers and later beer n the shitter and knock 6 down in 10 min. Got run out
Funny stories welcome too
I have a couple great grocery store stories. A couple terrible ones too.
Most from myrtle beach
13yr old im in kroger me and a buddy grab a 4 pack of coolers and a six each of Busch light(1986) we carry them to the bathroom in the back of the store. Everyone is working no one in the back. We each drink 2 coolers in two min. Then we each shotgun 4 beers and dump 2 beers in the shtiter so we can crush cans and hide evidence. .(hid bottles on diaper boxes) im maybe 110 lbs and my buddy was 5-9 at 13 but skinny as a rail so prob 115 or so. Before we leave the back we walk up a catwalk where the loss prevention dudes tried to see who was stealing. Get about half way through the store on catwalk and boom there is the loss prevention guy. We scared him to death. He was asleep. We start laughing and running back. He is a grown man chasing to tweedle Dick punks all the way from back of Kroger to outside. We jump on bikes and peddle ass away. My buddy is hammered and busts his ass. Blows out a tire on the side. Im peddling away laughing. My buddy grabbed the bike and threw it at loss prevention. The gear hit the dude in the leg and he busted his ass and started bleeding and screaming he was gonna kill us. We drunkenly went back that evening and climbed on top. Of the Kroger and smoked a pin wheel of brick Mexican
Goodtimes
same dude 5 yrs later busted another friend stealing balloons at 330am when we were freshmen in college. We were gonna make piss bombs and toss them at these ultra homos dweebs that lived down the road in our first college place.
Loss prevention dude recognized me and let him go. That was pretty cool we were all shitfaced. Start of our pro careers. OMG to be young
I compound fractured my femur playing football same year. I was fucking hurt bad and the next 3 yrs was always on crutches w casts bigger than me.
So we are in bilo. (I m Catholic and went to Catholic school. I know and love a butt load if retarded people. Only a couple scary ones) well I have a gift of mimick. (Irish) so me and a couple upper classmen from the football team are in there and i start mimicking and dragging both legs and talking w rocks in my mouth. They start trying to get away....the chase was on.
Imagine old ladies trying to help a retard screamin trying to get his older brothers to take him home to his ferret.(I kept yelling for corky my ferret)
8 of us went in together. I was alone leaving. I drug my lame legs out and never broke character. We did donuts in the parking lot and i hung out the window of a old VW bug. Those people didnt know what just happened.
I was 15 then.
I can do this forever. I love grocery stores. Still do. Im 48 now . still Fu ck w everyone and i go red eyed still unless I just left work
I almost never open a package...........
Myrtle beach stories happen on page 4
I have fresh market stories too.
Didnt consider a poll. Never done one. Can I edit this into a poll now?
So there we are me and Mom in Fresh market. Im a sophomore. Leg in cast and on crutches. We are shopping either turkey day or pre Christmas. I had a butt cut w long hair in the back. I was a couple days out of second surgery on my leg. Pain pills flowing through me.
As we are walking in a poor guy starts begging my Mom and starts being aggressive. Im the youngest of four. Always small but had a fire inside. My Mom starts screaming the guy is trying to steel her purse.i was a couple hops in front so i didnt see this. But i turned around and my Mom was scared. I grab my crutch by the bottom and swing at the hobo.
I hit him w the arm pit crutch corner at 80 mph going from left to right(i swing leftie) dead nuts on the chin. It was a home run. Dude buckled knocked cold out. His old lady jumps from behind a coke machine. I raise my crutch at here and she takes off towards the post office.
Mom went in the store, called the law. He went to jail and the town cop Officer Tetter later told me they wired his mouth shut.
Sadly Mom doesnt remember this one anymore. I tried to laugh about it on thanksgiving and she didnt remember at all.
I was still a hero that day
It was a really special moment. I was a great golfer as a kid
I got an old high school buddy living w me who is wat nuttier then me( loss job to covid)
We talked about putting a cam in the den to record us when drinking. There are reasons I Don t leave the house except for work and store. None are house arrest
A&P same shopping center as fresh market.
Im a senior in hs at 17yr or maybe just graduated.
My 7th grade geography teacher Ms Mitchell a southern belle wanna be is in the store. She taught my bros and sister. They all clashed w her so i was doomed coming up.
She sees me walking down the aisle by bread and looks away. I being the antagonist, walk to nearly beside her and say hello politely.
Me: "Hey Ms Mitchell haven t seen you in forever."
Her: "I figured you would be in jail by now."
Me: "Maybe if you werent such a bitch your husband wouldnt have left you for a waitress."
(She loses her shit. Red faced screeching.)
Her: "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME!"
Me: "Fuck you–you ol nasty lil bitch."
Her: "I'm gonna call your mother."
Me: "Lol you do that talc cunt."
(So I get home for dinner.)
Mom: "Got a call from your old teacher Ms Mitchell. She said you were saying nasty and vile things to her."
Me: "Mom I just told the truth."
Mom: "I know Reabarcock. She told me what you said. Made pot roast just for you."
(my fav growing up)
Then got a big hug and kiss from Mom
Fast forward and i turned 40. I wanted to quit smoking. Bet my neighbor i could. The bet was if i failed i had to duck hunt inside our Publix two blocks away.
I lived in a black neighborhood. I was 1st white guy there. My neighbor crooted me to move in.
3 weeks after i quit we are killing apple pie moonshine during yard work starting at 7am. Shitfaced by noon.
I bum a smoke from another guy. Neighbor cold busts me. I am getting ready to duck hunt in Publix. Fuck me.
A drinking buddy is the GM of this location. Big guy larger than life and just a good dude.
So I put on full duck suit. Waders, heavy jacket, gloves etc. My neighbor is army retired. He busts out face camo. I grab my duck call, his kids Nerf gun, a dove stool, and leave my inhibitions at home. Four of us leave flr Publix.
I look like Ive been hunting and get all my gear and start walking in to the store. The other 3 are 10 yards behind me. So i look like in alone.
When the doors whoosh open i swear the entire store looks at me and no one knows what to make of the situation.
I have the duck call in my mouth. Nerf gun slung over right arm dove stool over left shoulder, camo face and a Vietnam floppy camo hat on my head. I walk straight in to middle of produce and set my dove stool beside the corn. Ever one is watching my every move.
I sit down. I start calling ducks. About 15 seconds in i yell MARK and shoot a Nerf towards my imaginary ducks. Missed him. Shoot again. I yell to these guys HEY I GOT A MALLARD! I reach in to my waders and throw a decoy in the middle of the aisle.
My buddies are dying laughing. Falling on the floor.
A mom and toddler come walking by. The kid see the duck and quacks. I yell MARK and shoot the kid. Now the mom sees me and she is laughing her ass off.
About that time my buddy the GM is coming over looking worried about me. He has no idea it is me.
Then as he gets really close he sees my neighbor and buddies laughing. Sees the nerfs and lady laughing. Looks back at me and realizes what is going on. He dies laughing and asks us to leave. Gave the kid the Nerf gun grabbed the stuff and went and finished t the yard work
So growing up it was hard for a.
5ft kid to get beer....
Innovation always wins.
Me and the same kid frim the bike story hit the A&P. Mission we need 2 12 packs of budlite to go fishing. I m 14 it is summer.
I have an idea. We grab a case of coke. We grab scotch tape. We grab 2 twelve packs of beer. They had a flower counter w balloons and such that was never used. That would become Camp Switcharoo.
We commence to switching the beer for cokes w surgical precision. Used the tape to seal up the box perfectly and did the same w the coke cans into the beer boxes.
We go so far as to put the bud lite back on the rack. We pay. We got beer to fish.
Get out to the boat (1 HR away) motor wint start. We head back to Columbia.3hrs later we stop at another hooligans house. His parents didnt care what anyone did so we went there to drink and skate his half pipe ramp.
His step dad was a baker, owned tasty bake shop. He was a drunk and weirdo.
Well well as we are walking up he pops the trunk. Just got back from shopping and asks if we could help him carry the stuff in. He grabs the beer we grab the groceries.
We notice. He grabbed the two bud lite cases we snaked the beer from. We go to the ramp and our buddy is behind it burning one we tell him whats up. We are all laughing. At that moment we hear GOD DAMNIT COKE?!
we had to leave w our beer and drink under a bridge.
Baker man took the cokes back and got beer.
So living at the beach i usually went to a foodlion. (2000) I had a 85 pound black and tan named Roscoe who went w me to work or anywhere really. No leash. Coolest dog ever. I had an s10 w a rear slider window. ID keave it open and roscoe would go back to the bed or cab as he wanted. When I shop
I go up and down each aisle. I started on the right in produce and worked my way all the way to the other side milk aisle. I m dirty from steel work. As I m about by the swing door to rear of the store. A couple stocker kids shoot out the swing door.
I hear one kid day to the other there is a dog in the store. I gulp and follow closely. A dog is going up and down the aisles. Made it one aisle over and there is rkscoe. His nose was tracking me. He followed my exact path through the store. I left my full cart where it was and roscoe and I left right then.
Good dog found his dad safely.
He went in a lot of places. After a while he was allowed. But that was the only grocery store he went into
Edit forgot beach stories come later
? Wrong thread dickweed
General store /bait shop/general store on podunk SC. Going fishing.
We need bait. Crack babies are a thing and crack had hit middle America.
We buy minnows and worms. Snacks and drinks too. My buddy is a yr older than me but a big guy. 6ft2 at 17 prob 185lb. We are in my dads truck. A Grey long Bed 5 speed. My buddy is our HS defensive end. . buddy Wouldnt cuss or drink so we are on good behavior just going fishing walk out the store and my door is open but we can see a guy leaning through the truck going through his back pack. This kid is ultra religious.
He mumbles quietly what the Fu ck?
He bursts in to action. He starts beating the crackie w our bait bucket. Minnows flying everywhere and he is cussing on every swing. Crackie tries to take off. He had my buddys wallet
Whelp my boy didnt know how to fight but he knew how to defensive end. He blew up the crack head like clowney did to the Michigan dude. The crack head slings the wallet
I hobble over and grab it and his money. My buddy kicks the guy in the gut and turns around to leave.
As we get in the truck with no more minnows,cracklie, asks us for a dollar.
So I go in to piggly wiggly or winn Dixie cant remember which. I want a candy bar. Im alone. Jr yr of HS.
As I walk in this girl cashier starts being mean and saying that Im a nasty shit.
Well had never seen her unless it was in summer school my freshman year (failed algebra w a 69.4...round it down
So Im like Fu ck this nappy head chick.
I had just watched caddyshack
I opened a package of toilet paper. I got 2 $100,000 bars and a payday i also found a pen and cardboard.
I chew up the 100k bars and spit them in wads of toilet paper and drop it just out of sight near the meat aisle. I drop the payday on top and wiggle it on to the tp and chewed up chocolate so it looks wet. I write on the cardboard "you should be sweet like chocolate" and lay it 2ft behind the make believe turd and shitty tp.
I stumble to the cashier looking disheveled and say i had an accident by the meats and said im so sorry but i am sick.she starts walking over. Turns the corner and I hear her start gagging. I walk out.
No idea what happened after that
IGA store Bowman SC
Fam used to have hunting/small farm in bowman.
Im 18 but a sophomore in college.
So me and my buddy need some food to cook in the cabin. We always made chili and hot chocolate.
Buy the provisions and leave. No story huh? Wrong.
We get to the cabin. There are pubes or black folk hair all over the meat.disgusting either way. Drive back to IGA ask for manager. A 459lb black lady is managing.
I speak to her and show her the product.
She accuses me of putting them there. No refund. Im livid and yell WHY WOULD I PUT BUTTHOLE HAIRS IN MY OWN GROUND BEEF?
Still refuses refund.
I open the package back up and grab the meat in my hands and sling 1.33lb of BUTTHOLE burger at their front window about 10ft up. It didnt fall down. It stuck.
Felling I had been rewarded w those two window patties I didnt need my $2.60 back anymore
Irish. Kissed the Blarney stone
So Im a sophomore in college. Have a fake ID. (Gotta couple grocery store ID stories)
Went to visit a girlfriend at a small Presbyterian college in upstate SC. This girl was a straight arrow then went to college.....Friday evening.
We go to whatever shit brand store there was there. Cant remember. The campus was dry so they didnt party much. Buy 75.00 in beer and wine for me and her 3 roommates. One other dude w us. He is a townie nothing in life guy.
I tell all them to stay in my 86 Jimmy while I park on the corner. I cant lose my 21 cover you know?
The little townie cashier is a cutie pie. Probably dead from meth now but in 1992 at 19 she was a wood.
Holy s hit townie is batting her eyes and leaned over showing off her mammorys as i 21 stroll in. 3 case beer couple bottles of strawberry boones. Go up to counter.
Townie: we just got in some new flavors of that wine.
Me: oh yeah what kind? The lady's may like that.
Her: Im nOT sure lets go check.......
Got to the rear swinging door take a right and the hall narrows BC of stock boxes to a corner that is empty .
Me:there's nothing here
Her: YES THERE IS (grabs my hand shoves it down her britches and plants a tongue in my mouth)
Me: ( in mind.....wutwut...go w it)
She drops and starts knobbing my dong. This s hit doesnt happen to me.
Im mean im good looking and all but sheltered back then i guess.
Couple min in she pops up drops trouser,grabs cock, inserts, rides while screaming. I put my hands over her mouth she is bellowing.
Im looking around wondering how I went from buying drinks to plowing. 11 min later I paying for beer and wine. Her creampie was a no charge.
Get out to the Jimmy.
Girlfriend:what took so long? We thought you got busted.
Me: I didnt think I was that long.
2 blow jobs and lays that night by the nice lady's of Laurens SC
My best friend got expelled from our school 2x. HOlds the record for most detentions in a year still. Buddy 1
His family life was different than mine. Divorced parents who were hippies. Dad was a corrupt cop/mom a pillbilly nurse.
His mom sends us to little ceasers to buy a pizza for us. (4 of us. Still buddies 35 yrs later)
She gives him a check.
I couldnt drive. 14 and in a cast w hinges up to my hip. Our other buddy (not hanging out now is developmentally delayed. Slight tard but you cant tell until you interact.Buddy2) (He later sold crack and is on his 3rd strike. Now is born again and a waiter at the Colonial Life Center USCjr basketball supercenter)
B2 drives a beautiful 66 light blue Mustang
He pulls up to little ceasers just as we are. It is next door to bilo.
Tell B1 Im going to see if i can swipe any booze for our hangout.
B1&B2 buy 2 pizzas each . you know...pizza pizza
I go in to bilo and put in my cast at My thigh 4 bottles of MD2020. One for each of us and we got a tad of Mexican brick. We will be set for fun.
I crutch around as Im heading to the right to leave there is my ol Nemesis Mr Loss Prevention DRAT IM BUSTED.
B1 &B2 are coming in to bilo and see me getting interrogated. They come through the doors.
Mr LP is trying to figure out how to grab sub 5ft kid w a 100lb cast and crutches and handle him without damaging more.
B1 is a evil genius. (Believe it or not Im actually the good lawful one) he looks at Be2 and says "that dude is a child molester trying to kidnap Rebarcock!"
B2 (takes tae kwan dope to help release pent up tard energy. Always had a mouth guard in his pocket like a football type)
B2 hands B1 one of the pizzas, puts mouth guard in his mouth, opens other pizza box (think hot steaming pizza) with a primal gutteral grunt/screams NO GET OFF REBARCOCK YOU FUGKING FAGGOT!
I see B2 coming and lean back.
B2 plants a hot pizza on the face, neck, shoulders, upper torso of Mr LP. Mr LP did not see it coming as he focused on me. The hot steaming cheese , pepperoni, and sauce make this guy look like a low budget horror film
It is dripping on and off him at the same time. I cannot understand what is happening. What is going on?
Mr LP is screaming obscenities and whining about the pizza burning him. As he wipes each stroke he moves the hot sauce and cheese all over his upper body exasperating
the condition. As im mezmorized by this screaming cheese monster,B2 grabs my arm. "Come on Rebar run!"
I could really move on crutches. 4.35 40 type display. His top is down on the Mustang.
I flop over the door to the back seat(cant fit in front BC of cast. B1 jumps in his tempo and peels out. We peel out in a 66 Mustang Convertible 289 V8 automatic in style.
I heard through the grape vine MR LP went on workers comp for 6months. He used that time to begin a insurance career, and now owns a successful midsize insurance company in Columbia SC. Funny he just needed a push in that direction and God used us to push him that way
Lol
Backround
So my brothers corrupted me at a young age. At 4 yr old they had me breaking and entering places. I was their little thieving monkey. I just wanted them to love me.
Im 9 yr old. Just found a Christmas salvation army kettle w a bad kid who was fun
Outskirts of Columbia. Bilo has a no solicitation policy. Then i didnt know what that word meant.
All we knew was we needed money to carry out some other dumb master plan we had. Probably fireworks or something like that.
Me and buddy go to rite aid get poster board and make a terrible donation bboard announcement w crayons.
I had the bell from moms Christmas decorations and buddy had the kettle. We start clanging the bell and begging for money. You know like soliciting
Que the manager.
Manager:yall cant be here soliciting
Me: we've never solicited in our lives. We are helpind salvation army I said matter of factly
Im still clanging moms Christmas bell he grabs it.
Me:give that back
Manager:yall are stealing
Me these people are free to give or not.
Manager: Im calling the cops
Well my buddy was 11
Big kid. At 11 he was bigger than the manager. When you are a small kid it is smart and prudent to have big buddies. This kid went on to play for WVU or Marshall if I remember correctly.
Kid grabs the kettle and crow hopped swung
Mr Bilo manager is now on the ground with change rolling all around him.
I until then had never seen carnage like this in person.
That was some shot to his ear. wow.
We take off.
Got like 25.00 out of it.
A wk or so later. Mom and i are in that store. I look up to the managers porch (old grocery store) dude is staring me down w eyes of fire and fury. Never said a word out loud
Edit
The next year my mom couldnt figure out what SHE did with the bell. Please Don t any one narc me out. Ive never told anyone about this story
all of this has happened. The only alterations are omissions or old age memories turning good frim bad
Harris Teeter
From here out known as harry peter
Damn near all my buddies are still my buddies. This guy is the son of a SC politician. Politician divorced his mom and blew him off til we were in our 20s.
This is when we are somewhere 17-19.
Everyone knows in Columbia harry peter gets the milfs. They flock there BC it is clean well lit and new. We went there for action.
So in 1991ish big hair is still in. This Mom who was gorgeous had and even better looking daughter our age w her. There are 3 of us.
Buddy 1 is politicians kid. B1
Buddy 2 is another best friend B2
B1 sees them first. He makes it clear he is googoo gaga over the daughter. We are making rounds up and down the aisles checking out these ladies. After 5min they kinda know. They change their walking style and each start fiddling w their hair and flipping it. Stuff like that.
Well we all went to Catholic grade school together. We know how to make some bust ass w just a toe. (You know what is coming but you Don t really. ok?)
B1 has completely let his guard down and is drooling at these ladies. I tell B2, you trip him right when he rounds the corner.
As the ladies went up a row we would come from the next door aisle and just shadowed them. On the last one we changed so we would see them face to face instead of following them.
I tell B1 to give me the cart. He does. He doesnt need the cart hassle he wants to be first to see mom and her daughter as we round the corner. I holler to B1 just as we are gonna round the corner and push the cart at him B2 pulls a Kobra Kai leg sweep just as he jogs to miss the cart rounding the top.
I shout "EAT YOUR PUSSY MA'AM?!"
B1 is on the ground. Mom and beautiful daughter are looking straight down on him.
As he went down I shouted. He rolled over. Face as red as a MAGA hat. Me and B2 pass the aisle and look at the ladies watching B1 roll over and stutter red faced "I...I....I...I..mmm...I.am so......i am so sorry.
About that time they look up and me and B2 are piss pants laughing. The grins on those ladies at that moment expressed absolute joy.
B1 took 3 attempts to get up.
First two he fell back down.
B1 was so mad he wanted to fight us both outside. We just kept running circles and zig zags in the parking lot lot til he pooped out. Keep in mind he hit hard and was limping and bruised up on his knee.
As we are galloping around B2s jeep the ladies come out on the same side of grocery store. I shout it again! He looks and sees them..."sorry my friends are asshole just keep walking"
This was a great time. Helps if you saw it but still a great story
This was a crazy one i participated in/ witnessed. Scared me to death.
I think it was A&P but it mighta been Piggly Wiggly. (Some people call it Hawgly Wawgly whick i always laughed about)
Im prob 16 at the time no cast and taking tae kwan dope w my tardy Pal to help rehab my leg. Stretching and building up leg strength is crucial after a severe femur compound fracture.
It is summer ish about 820pm just left Master Moorland's class and the dojo. Me and the mustang tard (from here out referred to as Stang)
Well Stang is all really tight w money. So we cant go to the circle K for Gatorade we go to the grocery store BC it is cheaper.
Off course I gotta make a loop thru to survey if there is any talent.
(Just remembered it was in foodlion by dojo)
So we hit the deli area where they had colder drinks than on the shelf.
I grab mine and start trudging around feeling good post Kung Fu session.
There is a guy slamming grapes. Well I hate this kinda shit. I know, I know what Rebarcock you can steal but slamming grapes is wrong? Yes. I dont know why I have this glitch but yes.
So I mention to uncle Jesse maybe he should go easy on the produce. Well Uncle Jesse just decides he was gonna show me and popped in a good six or eight grapes.
Idgaf really i mean it is just grapes.
I turn a different way to scope out the ladies.
Uncle Jesse stumbles over swatting at me. I think Im about to use my new ninja skills and go Bo and Luke Duke on him.
He has his hands around his throat.
I HOLLER
FUCK THIS GUY IS CHOCKING!
Dude was a bigger guy.6ft+,250 country ass. Im 5ft4in and could barely get my arms around him.
I holler
need help man chocking
Out of no where or the clouds i Don t know, a got damn Doctor. He tries to Heimlich the dude. Does not work.
Uncle Jesse at this time, is not long on the Earth color of purple.
He is laying on the floor now
I swear he pulled out a craftsman old timer pocket knife and a Bic pen off his shirt pocket. Hands me the pen says open it.
He pulls out his hanky and does a tracheotomy on the guy grabs the pen shoves it in the hole. And keeps his hanky around it. The dude starts breathing through the Bic pen.
The Dr and Uncle Jesse rustle up and haul ass Id guess to the hospital.
At this moment im standing there looking at blood on the floor. I compose my self and pray the guy makes it.
No idea if he did or not but I like to think he did and never again ate grapes at the store again
Have I gone on enough or should I dig ddeeper? Im actually having fun telling these. I make a point not to look down memory lane. My whole life is a grocery store
So my evil buddy from they pizza story and I were bored.
He got to our HS for being evil.
Catholic HS is not a good place to send evil super genius type kids.
So my freshmen yr my leg is broke and we are sitting around his grandparents house.
His Gramps was a war hero.
We are rummaging through his garage trying to find something to Fu ck with. It was boring summer time for kids.
We find a wooden box nailed shut no way to open it.
Well me and (lets call him Grim)Grim have opposable thumbs and have little regard for boundarys.
We get it open. I wish we hadn't.
It is got damn Nazi gear. Just like s hit Charlie had on in Always Sunny. Well that suit didnt fit us. We are both short and back then tiny. But we were at heart opportunists.
What could we do.......
Back then Grim would be what we called a sling head. Grim's hair was black.
He puts on all khacki pants and button down khacki shirt. He is already an evil black haired sling head so he has black army boots.
Grim pastes his hair down w vaseline to look like da fürher. At this time while still at his house Im telling him bad idea.
ABORT ABORT
Nope. Grim is 15 and thinks this is a fine idea to Fu ck w people.
We put the khacki clothes in a bag and start walking to the store. Behind the piggly wiggly he changes into his brown shirt gear.
Im lagging behind. I dont want want to participate.
He walks around and a WWII guy has just got out of his Lincoln Town car w fins. The Vet takes a double look. He can tell this is a dumb ass little kid. He starts walking towards Grim. Grim is about to do the salute. The Vet says (Im walking up now. Like i said I was lagging)
Vet: Boy wtf are you thinking?
grim: uh i dunno. Just bored and wanna mess w people.
Vet: Son, get that shit out of your hair and go home and think about this again.
Grim Yes Sir.
He changed we left and went home.
Grimm is now a liberal anarchist who is a middle manager
Edit
There is a follow up story when Grim did wear the suit. I do not like it
I got a story for that but not for here. Not yet
It involves yahoo
In SC you used to not be able to buy beer on Sunday. Blue laws
Well 15 yr old me didnt think about the implications this has on bums, hobos,or drunks.
We knew Carl the bum a long time. When I was 13 we found him living in a tent on Hermit Hill. We used him as our acquisition apparatus. (He bought underage kids beer for a cut of what he bought. We got 10/12 us/him.)
I am just going into the same Kroger as the bike throwing story. My brother is driving us home from Mass, it is probably 1030am maybe a tad earlier .
As we pull in the parking lot I see my old Acquisition Partner Carl the bum doing a hobo two step into the store.
Well Im a polite kid so I get a Lil hussle on to say hello to him.
He is well in the store and i cant tell where he went. So i figure he is going to steal beer. Nope not there. Maybe wine? Nope.
Well now I am damn curious where carl the bum ghosted to ninja style. I start checking aisles.
I hit the toothpaste aisle. Why the fuck is Carl here? He doesnt brush his tooth.
As I am walking from the front end of the store i see Carl the bum drop to kneel.
With one choreographed move he pulled the top on a giant mouth wash and put it to his lips the just flip his head up and when it hit the mouth it was afterburner down the gullet
In 6 seconds he polished off a quart of burning alcohol fused listerine.
Im get to him as he finishes. He looks at me and has tears in his eyes. (He worked hard to be an alcoholic)
I learned two things that day.
1) listerine used to have 20% alcohol and worked in a pinch like peppermint schnapps
2) innovation and persistence can outperform anything if you are willing to put in blood, sweat, or tears
Edit
Before this one day me and the kid from bike story hiked up hermit hill to get Carl the bum to buy us beer at 830-9am. He was pissed we woke him up.
He grabbed a stick of warm butter bites it and eats it paper and all.
Appalled i asked why did he do that?!
Carl the bum explained it keeps beer foam at bay in your gut early in the morning.
I admit I have used this trick for early tailgates or fishing trips as i got older.
Thanks Carl the bum
In SC you used to not be able to buy beer on Sunday. Blue laws
Well 15 yr old me didnt think about the implications this has on bums, hobos,or drunks.
We knew Carl the bum a long time. When I was 13 we found him living in a tent on Hermit Hill. We used him as our acquisition apparatus. (He bought underage kids beer for a cut of what he bought. We got 10/12 us/him.)
I am just going into the same Kroger as the bike throwing story. My brother is driving us home from Mass, it is probably 1030am maybe a tad earlier .
As we pull in the parking lot I see my old Acquisition Partner Carl the bum doing a hobo two step into the store.
Well Im a polite kid so I get a Lil hussle on to say hello to him.
He is well in the store and i cant tell where he went. So i figure he is going to steal beer. Nope not there. Maybe wine? Nope.
Well now I am damn curious where carl the bum ghosted to ninja style. I start checking aisles.
I hit the toothpaste aisle. Why the fuck is Carl here? He doesnt brush his tooth.
As I am walking from the front end of the store i see Carl the bum drop to kneel.
With one choreographed move he pulled the top on a giant mouth wash and put it to his lips the just flip his head up and when it hit the mouth it was afterburner down the gullet
In 6 seconds he polished off a quart of burning alcohol fused listerine.
Im get to him as he finishes. He looks at me and has tears in his eyes. (He worked hard to be an alcoholic)
I learned two things that day.
1) listerine used to have 20% alcohol and worked in a pinch like peppermint schnapps
2) innovation and persistence can outperform anything if you are willing to put in blood, sweat, or tears
Edit
Before this one day me and the kid from bike story hiked up hermit hill to get Carl the bum to buy us beer at 830-9am. He was pissed we woke him up.
He grabbed a stick of warm butter bites it and eats it paper and all.
Appalled i asked why did he do that?!
Carl the bum explained it keeps beer foam at bay in your gut early in the morning.
I admit I have used this trick for early tailgates or fishing trips as i got older.
Thanks Carl the bum
Been working since 6am today. So prob not more than this Today and i will slow down to maybe a story or two a day. This is the home stretch
Well since Im not getting any help beach stories come early.
Moved to myrtle beach when i was 22 (1995) to start steel business w my dad.
My Dad was a big time CEO that didnt need to work again. Just wanted to and had a great idea.
Dad and I went to Sam's club every Sunday after church. Chicken, rice, beans, for dinner every meal at home. Ham sandwiches for lunch every day. Bought the bread at Merita discount day old bread store. It sucked
So we go in to Sams grab our cart and we are doing our thing. Dad was a tall guy 6ft2. He is squinty eyed staring at something. I see this look over and there is a guy stealing Sam s club jeans. Well Dad cannot let this injustice stand. I beg Dad to differ to
Mr Loss Prevention but nope Dad has his Dirty Harry hat on.
He pushes the cart and me over towards the guy.
Dad: excuse me Sir, you gotta pay for those
Crook: Fu ck off ol man.
Dad never said the F word around me to that point ever. He did not take kindly to people swearing Willy nilly.
Dad: Sir if you Don t put those back now , you WILL be going to jail
Crook: Fu ck you man Fu ck off.
Dad did not like not being taken seriously. He had just got canned in a large acquisition of the steel mills he ran. 2k people used to jump when he said jump. He wasn't to take shit off a grifter pants thief.
Dad loses the cart and is now walking towards the guy.
Dad:Sir, i am placing you under citizens arrest.
This got the crooks attention. The crook turns looks at my Dad and RUNS!
It was like a kitten trying to escape a Pitt bull room. Him and my Dad are over her,over there,back that way, now over there again.
About this time a large man w a security coat is heading in to the game.
They are both chasing the crook.
The whole time Im right there w them just to make sure the dude doesnt try to blade my Dad.
The crook gets just out the front on sidewalk my Dad on his ass and security a second behind. As my Dad is going out of the store and old church lady was pushing a cart out w all her stuff. Dad nicely bumps the lady out the way, grabs her cart and pushes it towards the fleeing jeans thief.
Like a scene out of that bowling movie w woody harrelson and crazy Quaid the cart zips across the parking lot and slams the crook on his heel as he was running away.
The crook is on the ground writhing around after his face plant.
Security man jumps on the guy.
Crook lost a couple teeth and had a broken ankle and went to jail. Sam s security couldnt believe what Dad had done to stop the thief.
4 weeks in a row we got free chicken,rice, beans, and sandwich ham but we still had to buy day old bread.
I have found grocery store guys are either bad ass or not. There is no in between.
Maybe ill tell the football player story tonight
Forklift fixer guy is here so i got a little time.
Enjoy.
So i grew up in Columbia from 8-22. I knew everyone in the city and am likeable so i had a place in 100s of circles.
I am a sophomore in college 19 w a fake ID.
Well one of my buddies is a walk on at USCjr. He is good friends w a guy on the team who is a giant.(went on to play nfl for over a decade and now is a head coach of a HS powerhouse. Super great man and a hunting buddy)
We have spring break and the football team guys are ready to go hard. My family had a beach house across the street from the beach. It was party time.
I always drove. Still do. Hate not being in control of the wheel or when i come or go. So we head to the beach in my 86Jimmy and have 3 cars following. Im burning but most everyone else is drinking. Columbia to myrtle is a 2 HR drive so most everyone primed up as we get in to town. Where hwy544 hits hwy17(main Rd at the beach) there used to be a Kroger. We all know already i hate Kroger. But it is right there and on the way so Kroger it is.
Each car had 3-4 people in it and each person has a cart to get a weeks provisions and beer. (We bought liquor in cola) well me, walk on, and football giant man are running laps and everyone is acting like college kids day buzzed having good clean fun. No one is acting shitty it is the first day of SPRING BREAK 1992! Giant has two carts slam full BC he has to eat like 10k calories a day.
Well I m over at the deli waiting on meat slicing and Giant is looking at their sweet counter and walk on in between us.(walk on went to grade school and high school w all of us)
This nice young new Mother is buying a Baptism cake for her new child. How beautiful a moment for her right?
Well the Kroger deli had been having turnover and they bring a little Aynor(redneck hard core area. Still has klan) fag over from meat cutting to help in the deli. He didnt want to be in the deli and was very poor interacting w customers. The lady says
"I want it to say: Happy Baptism Day Maria
Easy enough right? Nope. Aynor is a dumbfuck and a bean pole w a scraggly mustache about 5ft2. He writes on the cake:
I want it to say happy baptism day Maria.
What a dip s hit.
So Mother sees this and says it is wrong. She is flustered BC she is on the way to the church and doesnt have time to kill. We are all watching but really just waiting our turn at this point.
So Aynor gets all shitting and starts talking smack to the new young Mother. Well now all 3 of us are very interested as we always help people in their time of need.
Aynor is berating this women even though she did nothing
Giant chimes in
Giant: hey buddy Don t talk to her like that go get another cake and do it right for her.
Aynor: mind you own business
Giant: your mistake is costing me time. I am now part of this.
Aynor:you aint s hit. Get out of my store
The cake is on top of the counter which for normal people is chest high. For Giant it was at his waist.
Giant:get the fucking cake and do your job or i will make you do it.
Aynor leans up to the counter and confidently says "yeah watcha gonna do?"
Giant with just his right arm snatches the guy by the neck lifts him over the counter and places his ass and back on the opened up cake. Aynor is trying to scream but cant BC Giant has him by the throat. Giant slides Aynor up and down the counter as he flails in the cake box. This all happened in less than 30 seconds.
Me being a life long hooligan,knows, we gotta GTFO fast.
Giant lets go and Aynor grabs his own throat and starts shrieking like a cat getting fucked hard. We all leave our carts and are about to bolt. As we turn to run Walk on says to Mother "there is a foodlion down the road with cakes" (lol) The other carloads of peple do not see any of this. They just see us run out the front sprinting. Well we have always been friends. They all start running out the store also. So 12-14 full grown men all just bolted out the store in a minute.
Add on:
We go to the foodlion 2 miles down hwy17 and resume shopping as we tell the other cars what happened. Well in walk Mother and Maria. She thanks us and tells us how great we were. She buys her cake we get provisions and had a great SPRING BREAK 1992!
nick names are standard operating procedure in our group.
After the Publix duck hunt i was elmer fludd for a long time.
Only nick name to ever stick on me was Bubbles. Got it in key west. Ill work that beach story in later
Still no forklift for me. My loss=yalls gain
*****not a grocery store. Mostly a titty bar*****
Ok key west im 30 or so yr first day in town.
Staying at the Hyatt w Grim /Evil Genius,Sleepy, Slash and me.
Me and evil genius have always been best friends. Sleepy and Slash were 2 yrs behind us in class but ran w the cool kids. Sleepy is exactly as the nick name goes but he also loves strippers, X, and strippers. At this time Sleepy is knocking down 600k a yr. He is also known as Dad amongst us. When Sleepy does talk, you listen.
(Slash is actually living in my new place as he lost his job due to covid)
So we end end up at the Russian titty bar at like 9pm. No idea really but we weren't drunk yet.
So we are all getting dances and having fun. Sleepy is being his normal X/stripper/bourbon self.
Well we went to the Keys bc I wanted to go diving there as me and a girl I was messing with were just certified. So I wanna dive like 3 days out of our 7 days down there.
In 1HR we spent probably 5k on the strippers and are clearly leading the pack in the strip club. All the hot Russian bloc chicks are trying to get our attention hard.
Well it gets to be 10pm or so and im a tad buzzed up and smoked a little. The others are rolling their faces off. I wanted to go diving at 7am the boat launches so I m kinda good behavior.
So I cant find EG or Slash. Which everyone knows is a good thing. So I find Sleepy. I interrupt his action and tell him I m taking off to go to bed so i can dive in the morning.
He begs me not to go but I remain steadfast in my resolve as i really wanna dive in these waters.
So just as I am leaving, one foot out the front door, this petite Russian goddess I was sweet on comes running up behind me...
Russian: wait wait Don t go
Me: I am leaving to go diving in the morning. I have to go to get sleep.
Russian: no no donot go.
So im walking and she leaves the titty bar too walking w me.
(Other stuff happens which yall Don t need to know. Use your vibrant imaginations)
So about 3am maybe a Lil earlier Sleepy,EG, and Slash get home. I Don t hear them.
They come to our hot tub and there is the Russian but no Rebarcock.
They ask Russian how the hell did you get in here. She reaches in the water grabs my hair and pulls me up.
Rebarcock: hey yall did you have fun out?
Sleepy: FUCKING BUBBLES!
It is rare a nickname sticks on me. That one stuck
Edit add on
Sleepy told the Russian to go get me when she followed Ivan the manager made him pay 5k for her leaving. He never said a word about it and i didnt find out til the following fall when we were at the SEC Championship game which is a whole nother atory
when i moved to MB i was 22. My dad and i lived in the beach house til our old house sold. Then him and my mom got a new olace and i had to find a place for myself. I moved down the road from some strippers and manager at THE MASTERS GENTLEMENS CLUB.
This may wiggle around but ill try to make it clear. I am writing this stream of thought/memory.
So Slick and his girl MaCoke were living together and i still see them every couple years. I consider them good friends. Well Slicks brother (we will call him Stinky) Stinky is moving down from jersey to the beach.
Stinky and I get a Lil pad next door to my 1br place. Well foodlion is just down the road.
Slick got Stinky a job at Masters and Macoke worked there too.
(I am the only one in our friends at this time working a normal job. All others are food/bev/tittles.
So i think it was super bowl 1998. Not everyone had a cell phone but i did. Same number i have today.
We throw a party and it is a couple of my normal buddies and 100 people that work at the Masters. Gotta be 60 strippers there.
Well two of these girls both like me but not each other.
I have no idea they Don t like each other.
At the party we run out of something. Cant remember what but we need someone to hit foodlion. Well we all know i love grocery stores so i chime in i will go. My truck tgen was a big dodge 4 door. But for some reason i had steel work stuff in tge back seat so room only for me +1. I ask the party if we need anything else and both these chicks come scooting over and wanna ride w me. Well i can only take one so i say first girl who asks can go. Girl 2 did not like that and somehow put visine in girl 1wine. If you Don t know visine will give you bubble guts faster than exlax. I certainly did not know this then.
So me and girl1 polish off our beverages and leave for the store maybe 1.5 mile away.
About the time we pull up i can see distress on girl1's face. As we are walking in I ask her if she is ok. We make it through the doors and she says see is gonna use the bathroom. I say no problem I am gonna go get the stuff. 5 min or less later I m hitting the cashier. Well this new foodlion has bathrooms at the front of the store. As I walk up to the cashier i can see someone had an accident before getting in the women's bathroom. I ask what happen and the young cashier dude said
"Some really hot girl just s hit all over the floor and ran out."
I looked honestly everywhere for her for 30-45min.
I call the party and ask if she is back there.
Stinky rode his furry bike around looking for her on the road
Girl1 never came back to the party or went back to masters to ever work again
Girl2 won. We banged that night
Lunch over forklift ready. I gotta work. Talk soon
I m trying to remember one i thought of earlier today but I cant recall if i was young or old. I have to compartmentalize different Reabarcock life timelines. If i didnt I would be depressed BC im possibly hell bound(not really but for the drama it worked)
Lil bit of dirty myrtle in all of us.
Don t steal anymore. You are absolved by Rebarcock.
So i got a great two part story that is me and Evil/Grim and a Lil politician kid. From here out we can call gim Booger. Ga/USC FB game and the first super bowl Brady won. No grocery stories but it is a Doozy. (Hot chicks,football,nachos then super bowl, fallin', spiritual stuff, dudes tripping, super bowl actually there,misery, drive home)
But it isnt a grocery story.
You find out who your real friends are in time of peril. That is why peril is needed
Beautiful. Friends and stories are special. They are usually funny or bad for us to remember.
I just read the first 1.5 pages to Slash.
He really enjoyed it.
Bubbles out.
You in Mt Pleasant back then? I sold insurance in Charleston briefly, years ago. I was visiting some clients over in Mt P once, on Snowden Rd, and had no idea Mt Pleasant had areas that weren't lilly white. Not a soul on that street was white that I saw lol.
Yesm i used to live in Greenhill til that place burned down. It is a sister community to Snowden off mathis ferry Rd. Now I live in Philips community off 41. Love it there
Im good for ammo on the guns i have now. I m thinking about getting a 22 repeater w a scope but haven t even really looked yet.
I have a 1000 rounds for a 22 and no gun.
I want a 17 shot that loads under the barrel. I grew up shooting one and it was a great reliable accurate shot. I nee s to look online or at palmetto
No you drop them in right by the end of the barrel. I m in the middle of a takeoff. When i get a min ill post a pic
Didnt grow up there but opened a shop in 1995. Moved in 2004. Shop still there
I lived off 62nd and 67th later but started out off forestbrook when i first moved there. What company you work for
Childish slang growing up. We always nickname anything possible
So I left work on a Friday afternoon.
Early summer 1999ish
Fridays at 5pm in MB is a traffic jam in all directions. So we would hit a surfer bar and get loose til 7pm then cruise home without traffic jams.
So I have Roscoe and Kayla (dogs)with me and a buddy is following us. We stop at a tourist grocery store(foodlion) just to get some beer and go out to the beach.
We pull up and park 69 style towards the middle of the lot. We see 3 young people acting the fool walking in to the store.
One of them sees my dogs and starts freaking. No big deal as MB is a vacation town and it is very normal to see people acting nutty on vacation.
Me and my dirty Pal(call him Dirty) walk in heading towards the beer aisle.
We hear screaming and see this guy running around the back of the store.
He is screaming "GET IT AWAY GET IT OFF ME. OW IT IS BITING ME"
Well being curious i wanna see what is chasing these tards.
Me and Dirty walk to the back and this dude is running around w his buddies chasing him.
Then he just suddenly stops, grabs a pole and locks his hands around it.
Well we are a good 4 aisles away and can tell these dudes are on drugs.
Spazzy starts crying. Like full blown snot bubble crying.
Wt f is wrong w these dudes.
Spazzy starts screaming again but wont let go of the post. His friends are trying to get him to let go but he starts screaming the dogs are gonna keep biting him.
At this point I fig they ate acid. Dude must have a phobia of dogs and seeing mine triggered the Fu ck outta him.
Roscoe was big and marked black and tan. Kinda looks like a floopy ear Doberman. kayla was a white mutt.
We are not going anywhere. We wanna watch what happens with these light weights from Ohio. ..
Well a few min later in walks a cop. Straight to them w a manager. The two buddies wanna peel away but the cop came up fast. Cop is asking questions but none of them can answer. Cop sees us. I mention it seems they ate acid and are tripping their balls off.
Cop calls EMT.
3 ambulances show up. It takes a half HR but they finally get Spazzy to let go of the pole. Strap him into the gurney where he cant move at all. They haul them away.
It dawned on me that it became a self fulfilling prophecy. Because they did get his ass which is why he was freaking out
It hasnt turned turnt to s hit it has gotten bigger. Progress or regress which is better? Not trying to be a Dick so please Don t take it that was but if it weren't for growth I wouldnt part own 3 steel shops
Come back and golf and see the good.
Ying Yang
Strong Dong style
Me too. We can go. Withernfriendsnboat or head boat deneding oncwhat yo wanna fish. Id reathcerbfish toom hiy me up. If my 27ft walk around triton isnworking we will go on them if now inhave friends w boats.
No I leftbwork early. I live in a swanpy spotnnow so Imcjustcgoing bringing inv5 dumpnloapds. 2 fill/ 2 top black soil and 15 tons of 1/4 0r 3/8 slaq ..I have a coule more 10+ that are good nut not grocery store. Ill up them out there too.. I got really busy at work so it cut in also.
Everything thisg is true but minor details that aren't releveant. I also have coolvones when fuckes w me now in jail for robbing backs and countrefit strories
That past is gone but I have 100+ good stories. This why I don't leave house for anywhere butfrom anothrr house. . i hit bank gas or store.
Maybe I will start another thread. Iikked writing thhese
Involve in Mt pleasant now.and ivmaake enough tocstop stealin. .I stopped at 22 . now i help as many asbi can to my own detriment
So I am gonna change the title of thread. Bow it is just stories.
Me and the kid who threw the bike at Mr.LP
Were hanging out on a friday (he is dead now so we can call him Jimmy)
Well at 15 i didnt and wouldnt do any hard SHIT. Booze and gangja soloamentë.
Well Jimmy the half pipe skeater and a buddy we can call Mr Dental all went to a kegger and the other 3 dropped.
Fast forward it is midnight and I got half oile, Jimmy to their places and me and Mr Dental
Got home.
I had trained our spaniels to never bark on my entry. Anyone else they went ape SHIT. But Im the dog guy....
So me and Mr Dental are in the front and almost on the first step towards freedom.
Then my mom yells out my dads name. They are hard core getting it on. Tripping Mr Dental could not contain himself and died laughing loudly repeating my Father's name.
To this day my folks have never brought it up.
I have a couple that id love to tell. But I don't wanna taken over like the grocery thread.
Anhthing welcome.
You were trudging thru a rice paddy
You were in a ford boardroom meeting
You farted and blamed your mother in law.
Basically a thread for us to just tell funny stories. I can tell a story about a bird shutting on my German Grandma in Ireland. I also got shitfaced on the same trip five stories up over Galway Bay Ireland.
If others chip in stories i think this could be good.
I do not get a ton of putang but i am not a gay. My friends and the like may call me a faggot or dicksucker but usually there is booze involved
Dude i think Imsaying my shjt out to form a good book. The content I have read over the past 20 years is incredible. I prefer true stiff but as long as it is funny i will allow it. The world needs to laugh.
OT doesnt work that way. I try to edit the next day. The stories are dunnoer when i drunk tell them. Do not restrict the Irish bard in me.
I don't really care where you put ducks in your body. So start a thread for your kind faggot
I can puke on command. Since i can remember like 2 yr i could always do it.
When I was 16 a freshman who was also 16 drove to school. (He was a functioning tard.)
I covered his hole wind shield and all handles or key holes w barf. We are friends and he is a game warden now.
Of no one else tells stories I wont keep OT up. And I have 10000s OS based in truth stories. Most good. Some bad.
So my femur was broken and i had two screws holding it together. The Drs cut my cast and added hinges. The cast weighed more than me. Im 13 as a freshman. 1 week outta the hospital after compound fracture playing football.
Me and Grim(evil genius) pick the lock (I did it. I can pick locks too) of his war hero grandpas liquor cabinet. We did a good 8 shots of gin and a couple brandy each.
It is dusk.
Im hobbling having just had a big surgery and Im already drunk and Grim is just drunk.
We start taking roadsigns out of the ground. Stupid kid shit. Ol man Jenkins sees us and is hollering and coming at us. Grm runs. I can only hobble and ol Jenkins is gaining. Right then a 1985 celebrity (had an i saw the Lizard Man sticker on it) pulled up and i jumped in. O l man Jenkins cursed me.
My buddy Mr D saved my ass. We met Grim back at his house and later found gis grandpas grenade whilSt still drunk.
So I got cooper he was 9 weeks old. Best pooch ever. Fast forward a yr and me him a couple chicks and my buddy are in a 28ft triton walk around. We go oit to an island but I have my dog in a float vest. He is a big beast.
I jave. No idea how he did it but he ran for 1 HR and came back w 3 bikini tops. We called him Champ the rest of the day. He later tried being pals w some dolphin but the didnt like him bc he is black i think
Thanks for a great story and service
I always drove sticks AMD used to hit the brake looking for the clutch
I gotta catch up bit this is a good one if i can paint the picture right.
I grew up in Columbia
Late 89 I got a 1986 Jimmy 4x4 red two door.
I had to cut my mullet for a court hearing so I now look like a respectable senior at the Catholic high school.
Me and mikeD are cruising to go burn one before some school function.
There is a long cut through road just down from our school. Clemson Dr if I remember correctly. Well on the right is a church and on left is a school w a big play ground.this place flooded out terribly. After a good rain we always made a point to go hit lake Clemson doing 50+. Stupid kid shit.
Well the church musta been having a potluck dinner that evening. Current time 430pm.
Well it had rained all day long so we were taking the cut thru to hit lake Clemson.
Long straight road, rich neighborhood.
There is an olds98 parked by the church ALL FOUR DOORS OPEN and parked in the middle of the road puddle. I Immediately knew what i was going to do. I start speeding up and yell to mikeD "this is gonna tne one for the books"
This puddle was a good 60 yards and deepest at the 30 yard mark. That was precisely where the olds98 was parked doors open. We are just hitting 50 and are entering the start of the puddle.
At this moment we are committed to drenching this car entirely.
The wave my 86 Jimmy would put up was impressive. The driver was all world at puddle moving.
Just then two older ladies peak up, one standing bent over at the driver side door one at the rear passenger.
Me and mikeD see them at the same time and yelled oh s hit but i secretly was even happier these two people popped up. (I was 16 as a senior and a bad kid but i was taught right so keep reading)
The wave encompassed AND passed thru the entire car. The two grandmas were as wet as they could be from jumping off a ship.
MikeD is fully turned around and going ape s hit. Im laughing may nuts off. We made it about 100 yards past them and i turned around. We pull up and i gave them each a towel from my truck and plead ignorance to the puddle. The inside of the old98 held four casseroles. Greenbean casserole,some chicken pot pie looking shit, Mac and cheese the southern way and i think sweet potatoe casserole too. Well the food was covered so it was ok. I gave the ladies my truck to ho home and clean up. We took the casseroles inside and took the olds98 w a 4barrel carb to clean it out for the grannies. Well 16 yr and 18 yr dudes wanna see what a 350 4barrel can do. So we had our fun doing 360 and a couple neutral drops then went over to franks car wash and had our buddy vacuum and clean the hell out of the olds98. Payment was we caught gim a buzz. About 630 we run the olds98 back to the scene of the crime. Those Lil ol grannies thought we were so nice for stopping to help. Their husbands knew we were full of shit. askiing howd we get going that fast and be in the wrong lane to make the 86jimmy drench the grannies?
Well my dad worked w one guy. When i said my last name he knew it bc where we were from it is uncommon pretty much. We made a deal he would keep quiet if i did 4 Saturdays work for him. Well mikeD and i did over two months. Grandpa asked us to tell him the story. We all laughed and laughed. He illegally gave us bud heavies each time we helped. I helped him until i was 22 and left for myrtle beach to start the shop w my Dad
That ol timer was a WWII bomber guy. He was an amazing man and his wife was a sweetie. Mike D helped the other granny and her husband and became friendly w them too. Funny how the Lord does it
eat a Dick. He is helping to get content added. Tell a fuck ING story faggot
@Croot_Overlord can you merge the grocery store thread into this one?
Im such a loser like reading my own stories
The Story of Booger
Me mikeD and Boog are still buddies. After my place burnt up Boog helped me out a bunch. They are good people.
Before Boog was Boog he was a normal kid. Played QB, baseball, dated a hot slutty chick etc
Well in the time of one week he grew a skin tag just above right eyelid but below his eyebrow. We teased him but it was harmless. Like they used to call me crip. No biggie. Well we are horny 16yr guys.
We are hungry and in irmo sc. There was a Hooters there. We have a plan. Eat shitty food and check out the T&A. Can t lose.
Well we all won but Boog
This smokeshow is waiting on 5 of us. We order 100wings and 2 pitchers. I had a fake ID. Waitress knew we were under but dngaf BC it was 2pm on a slow Saturday.
So we are there for probably 90 minutes.
Well Hooters had a policy where the chicks would sit and chat you up. So this chick was having a good time w us 5 young good looking guys.
We get the tab from her and me and Boog are chatting across from each other. The waitress says "this has been bothering me since you walked in." She pinches his skin tag and is pulling his eyebrow. She tugs like 3x (thinking it is lint or fabric) and he smacks her hand and Boog says "yeah Ive been meaning to have that removed"
well we all fucking died. Holy shit his heading was going towards her 3x times she tugged.
Booger on the eye is his full name. We call him Boog
Fuck yes man. All stories. I just tell the funny ones.
Please tell me your story. Im Irish and stories are the best medicine.
dude im the most not look at me guy, i know you got some good ones
I got a story of Mexicans jumping from 3 stories up and running away. Dirty Myrtle
ID like it here but
whynotboth.gif
I havent served the USA but i have seen a lot. I find telling stories makes me smile. For a couple years I have been afraid of the next boot on my neck killing me.
Ive gone back to my roots on what makes me happy and smiling. I love listening to stories more than telling them.
I always bottle up. Well these stories allow me to express and have fun and feel normal again.
Wow man. Get to mtp and ill make you laugh and pay the tab. Your bravery is amazing. Thanks for your story.
Mt pleasant. Next door to Charleston. One bridge over
I've been busy w steel and end of Qtr. Ill try and come up w some stories of my life over the weekend.
Yall may know my mom
Edit:
I think the Gramps feller was a DooLittle Raider.
Shit. You know the Master's?
My fam in mb since 95. It is not easy but when it is hard it is good. Life is weird
So here's a little story i like to tell about three bad brothers you know so well........
Im 14. Leg broke as fuck.(2nd story of 2)
Ill tell you 1 if i get 15 likes
I ducked up and posted. Im gonna edit and post the story. Gimmie 5
So growing up in my Irish fam you had to pull your own weight no matter your leg situation. I couldn't walk a mower so my Pops got me a craftsman 11HP. Grey and sleek.
So I had to mow lawns w a hinged up cast from my toes to my hip. I was clunky. My pedal foot was broken
Im mowing the yard as i had done a dozen ttimes. (New house my Dad just hit jackpot) we lived along a creek w a big residential lake behind my folks home.
I decided right beside the creek I could mow instead of weed eat.....wrong.
I flipped 2x for a 720 score. That craftsman mower gave no fucks about me or my leg.
The mower ends up front wheels in the creek motor partially submerged but being held out by vines.
Im 14. I go in to the house and get Mom and Dad to the table
Rebar: in 10 yrs we are all gonna laugh about what Im Fixing to tell you.
M&D: s hit Whatd you do?!......
I take them out to see. They start laughing. My Pops started poking me. I explain it rolled over for a 720. Ngaf.
Our neighbor had a treerope and that w a Buick pulled out the tractor from the creek.
Dude be the best friend you can be. I have needed an shitload of help. It has taken me +/-the past 24 months to get back to normal..
Be there for your Pal and fight to help him.
Imho
Sometime around 1992 me and my buddies were preparing for the end of the semester. We decided all we needed was a beach house,mdma,weed,and tobacco. We could always catch fish to eat. So about dec29 1992 we head to my folks beach house.
Our neighbor who owned the house was the director of DNR(wildlife) Marion Burnside his grand kid was a rich POS. He stole his folks credit cards to buy shit to trade for crack. Well his family put a warrant out on his ass.
As we pull up to our house(the beach in off season used to be like no man's land in a horror movie) well he found out there was a warrant he split town. All cards canceled
We get in to the house and party a couple days. Booger notices the neighbors house had been broken in to. Well we are all early 20s. We go and check it out. Sure enough the kid is in their and we know him. He is a big dick sucker and none of us like his crack head self. He begs us for food. Sorry dont have have any to spare.
A Wihile later we see him head to the ocean w a rod. While sitting on the porch w notice he has hooked a fish. Reels it in. Gets it off the hook. A fucking osprey jettisoned down at 100mph and snatched his dinner. He actually caught the bird by a leg and pulled. All he got for dinner was an osprey leg. We called the cops on 12.31 so he would spend new years in the clank
When I was 13 i was a freshman at a catholic school. I convinced a high level religious teacher and a Español learnyadoda professora that giraffes could talk. Humans just had not kept them in captivity long enough to figure it out.
Teachers and nurses
True story
So there's a chance
Thinking about joining a ayauscha tribe in Orlando. I need some fixing
Anyone interested?
This isn't where I'd go but you get the drift
I may need some Karma fixing and eat gator tail
5Th-8TH iGOT MY CUT .
love to see you return. ...
Completely refrain from trols Deplorable rube and a could others they are scrubbing off nuzltz in subseicgerd
Mobic brans
Nake
Moloazacham Genric
2 weeks Supply stopped all the pain and every spot of my body for 4 weeks.
Nsaid ike celebrexe.fyi
Kids family farm in church. I just wanna smile or laugh before bed. Could be 50 years ago or 4 minutes ago.
Cooper is staring to shows signs my other coonhounds have shown before lymphoma took em. But he still has weight mind and gets around alright.
I'm up to 6-8hr days working so long as I can rest. But I'm bummed my dogs is at 12-18 months if I'm lucky.
No grey is his eyes and the black and tan is still a tough guy
13onmay 2h
I'm a 1/4 Italian from Sicily. My grandma was born there. I've have a dozen mob in newkrleans ond dirty myrtle. Yall find a good story I'll consider tiddy bar stories too.
The grocery store stories were just fucking hilarious. Shooting dovebin Publix and the pizza to Jaba the hut who went on to strst an insurance company we good.
.please all yall
If not I'm gonna fuck right off
I'm disarmed. TopHook you a good guy. Big giant fucking smile
Stories from others so I can bounce banter or I'm trained in barrel rolls to gtf to lurking
No prob. I'm gonna turn some of my focus elsewhere
Hec is acquiring the same thing that happened on my last Coonhound when he hit 11:11 and a half but Cooper has no gray in his eyes he's fit he's doing well but I think what's happening is I think he has a fatty too impression on his stomach because he gags and does some other things but I mean I want to keep him for 15 or 16 years I've done a hell of a job feeding him everything that's proper and exercise and doing stuff and everything we've been through I do not want to give them up early
4500 to to maybe get the tumor our. I can't spend 4500cto keep online til he loses his hips shits and piss. Shittirst day to bena dog owner. But he is getting more snuggles and attention that when I'm drunk
Pro tip I learned I learned from an rough neck oil well guy then switched to the rebar. And I was selling rebar bar for the job. Always keep a pair of 4boxers a four pack of white t-shirts and a 12 pack of socks in your vehicle at all times. He learned that on the oil rig and I learned it in the steel World it really does help
I'm dead guy bow but he was brilliant. Sold seven ideas to military ove 2nil per idea in the early 40s. They contracted him til the 80s
I dont have dyslexia but I do learn differently. I'm more of a visual learner and I'm very good at self teaching and understanding cuz I had a parochial schooling. This guy was a little bit of a Maverick but one of the coolest people you could ever imagine.
He taught me how to pick locks and break into safes
Be taught me lock picking and safer crack
...I hooked up more before I was 17 and I did after I was 30
Itbisba noncommon name
I still have the leg splint from that dreadful night off I95
So one of my best buddies yall may remember as Booger Eye from the grocery store Harry Peter.
We were seniors is high school. He was a second day pitcher on the BB team and I had spring open.
Booger is a big time prankster. To this day 37 years later he is the exact same.
He and I were parking and he slammed my truck door w his palm so I thought I hit my Jimmy 4x4 on something. Dame he got me
So at some point we end up I'm driving and these two smoking hot girls pull up next to us. He is scoping them out with his window down and I yell "eat your pussy Mam?" He was so mortified he dropped the seat back to lay down as I waved at the girls. They were fucking dieing laughing.
He took it too far and did something. I can't even remember what it was.
So the next day they had a BB game. He drove a Ford Galaxy w a 454. We could fit 8 people easy in it.
Well I was still really pissed off. So I drive out to Polo rd (for the Columbia folks) I climbed up his windshield squatted and dropped a solid waste management unit dead center driver vision. Wiped my ass and smeared it.
He got me back a week later in the same complex. I was driving an 86 stang 5.0 convertible. Parked w top down. He had another buddy Scaggs take me to smoke a doob and used that 454 to fill the 5.0 with fine sea sand.
I spent an hr digging sand out just to get it to the vacuum at car wash
Any yall wanna hear a true story or a tale? Tbh I believe the tales. What I tell as stories are almost 100%true. I'm a fucking half drunk tardhalf of a half of an instance.
Still not as funny as AIbot
Did you Elon mush link my brain to power your fucking computer self aware sgit bagain.
It was TJs sister. Tammy Mammy. Second time I broke my tibula
Before the new moon I'll story a new thread
Is it wrong when you hit a toot you get more tired but you munch two footballs and teach a new dance?
Eta my fibula would be fine but they used Hellmans
I'm both Irish and Black. I don't look like an Enigmatic person but here we are.
When others speed me up I slow down. I'm a mellow fucking berserker @Viking a Flood type event one needs to prepare for properly.
But let me have no inhibitions and I'll have anywhere singing and dancing and I won't remember a tad bit.
I like to think I'm the angels etch a sketch of true goodness.
@Densel Or me. I posted my cell and @njnole left it up.
Dm here if you really need.a hand w anything.
I've never ridden a horse. I never dove til I did and they had never seen such a low use of oxy. I feel like I'd be that on a horse.
Go Cocks. I'm conflicted. As a fighting Irish I wanna fight a chicken
It is a vibing African Irish Shaman dNce not Sheman dance.
Anyone want a story?
Who told you
I use light like you use radar
Just less teeth and spit from me
Ive been fucking w the cartels for fun. Burner phones and false.screemshots
So Boog had it tougher growing up probably than any of us. His mom though was the ticket manager at Carolina Coliseum at SC. Back in our day no one was bashing gays but Boogs mom was friends w a dude who was queer as hell and a legit black belt. Like he was a bad dude. Him and his BF owned a furniture store. We can call him Warrior Princess
They would pay us cash or beer or ganja to do furniture deliveries around Columbia bc Princess and BF knew we were good and be polite. For me these were the 1st Homer's I'd ever met and they were open about it. Back in the late 80s many were still in the closet but you knew they were. (Iwas also Catholic so I knew a a handful of pedos also. I'll think about how to tell some of those in a good fashion. Hard to make pedo shit priests funny but I'll try)
Anyway
We were delivering a hutch, 2 lazy boy,and a kitchen table.
Well Princess the bad ass dude rides w us which he had never done before.
We get there and he stays in the truck. Me and boog are moving the new furniture in to a nice middle class home.
The woman who answered was nice. Normal 35 lady.
There is some dude there maybe 5-10 210lbs smoking sticks. Slimy kinda dude. We ask where she want stuff. This goes there etc.... we take one of the chairs upstairs.
Slimy yells at me and boog "yall don't go up there getting faggot" I'm confused af bc well neither of us are gay. He hadn't seen princess in the truck.we come down stairs and the lady is mortified and apologizing incessantly. Hands us ea a 20.00 which today would be Like 100.00. I walk out 1st an as boog is coming up behind he tries to kick him in the ass. Booger was a good athlete. Scoots blocks and tells the guy my boss is in the truck if you have a problem.
Apparently, this dude had shit talked Princess. They had some history of which I still don't know what that is.
Boog one hops the stairs towards the truck.
Boog tells Princess "you were right"
Princess the Ninja Warrior hops out and literally jumps up 6 stairs and with out touching the ground kicks this fuckers head. It was like Jordan doing a Karate Kid Swan Kick up a front door stoop. The slimy bastard tried some shit but Warrior Princess locked him up, spun around put Boss ass on the dude face and farted.
I had no idea wtf was happening or how to process what was happening.
Then he tells us to leave the back door open and to leave. Well we didn't want to leave without Princess. He tells us to go. As we drive out he jumps up gives the dude an elbow chop to kno k the breath out of him and jumps in the back of the truck and we drove away.
Boss ass I'd guess I can't find it
Fixes. My bad
U had hoss hawg instead of Voss hogg or hoss or Boss. I ain't perfect you tweedley shit wipe.
I try to make my stories habla correctamundo af
I have a bother story to write but I have to get a ball from q fucking lab Mutt
So there I was on a head boat deep sea fishing outta Murrels Inlet,SC, seafood Capitol of the World.
I was waiting tables and working steel.
In the 1995-6 range.
(My prints don't work bc of micro abrasions from tiny cuts for 30 years)
So this chick was engaged to a big end MB cokehead who was also a Cock head. @TopHook you know these fucks.
I worked for this perfectly devine person. I liked him. He liked me. We got along well.
He was booger sugared. Back when white meant right on give me a toot. But his appetite was insatiable before court.
LONG STORY short
Any if yall would have fucked her too. And she was cool and funny
I feel privileged to be her fucktoy break up.
True story
Fucking dick warts dirty whore
When I was 13 I got busted in a rudimentary counterfeiting scheme. I devised it all by myself ay 12.
I cut money up and made new money. Think photo shop in real life no computers.
The way money looks now is bc of a dumbass 13yr.
I shit you knot
Anyone wanna here how a 13 yr old boy beats SLED and the Feds? They still love me. They know I'm there to help wingnut.
Give me a minute. I know the whole story
We were in the neck
So it used to be:
You could cut up a 20 and concrete paste it on a 1.00. You had to go to scale bc you needed 2 of ea side. (Every $ has a left and right) long story can't even tell it. If yall give a fuck I'll tell it all true. I read all this before I went to work. @kingsolomonwisdom tell Joseph's Son of God I'm a good dude. I'll never go to the Darkseid.
I was on a boat 10 years later w a fed who had been taught of my example. I once went past 20 miles me and the Captain got High af. Me.and DAWSON. worst fishing day of my life. Still fun. Had a half dozen sonic booms go off. All ayes. Only time I ever blew chunks off a boat.
The details are where shit get funny.
You could do it w 50s or 100s but people notice Ben franklin. They don't notice Jackson from Washington. They know who exploits that loopset
I'm a fucking wedding planner. You're either never married, never heard of RebarCock, or or or or a fucking Vermont tweedley. Are you w @Jake Broe Stan ? It makes perfect sense. You like Duke's or Heilman's more you fucking notsee?
I do think , in this spect and retrospect, you can eat a butthole bc your breath smells like that is normal. Brush your teeth Cappy Cyrstal. You're dumb ass had sed youres in the wrong places
Who wants to hear about stories of success? These are the middling years.
Hello I am Frank Bagleshwartz. They never proved shit
Fuck yeah. I caught crabs and had to shave or burn everything. You wanna hear the story again?
Well I almost chops my arm off. Will yall donate to my beer fund to stop the itching? The shit itches like sun poisoning. My Irish folks know about that. Scratch ya later
IL l do it tomorrow. Her name is Ms Rhett. I love her. She kept me from bleeding out.
Who wants some old but new to yall stories?
I'm drinking a beer with some old friends and can gather material from them. They remember my antics more than I ever have. This shit is all normal to me.
I have a shitload of CRAZY MEDICAL stories if yall wanna read that. I wake up under anesthesia about everything but it is rare I fall asleep under Anastasia.
The nurse who saved my arm/life is a real life Angel.i gave her my info. I told her is she has 10 kids I'll pay for all their colleges. Whatever she would ever need I'd agree to. What a smile in one of my equally hardest moments. I came really close to being perished flesh
I didn't have enough blood to wake up from surgery. They shot me w cocaine and gave me ketamine.
I left same day.
Next day I was welding like a fucking retard
It hurt so bad
I'm going to rent a car and go find Ms Rhett
Hey you have any other Walmart/Publix tips?
Dude I got some I remember on his Clearance ass
I'm reading thru to make sure I don't regurgitation the propagation of the popularization of this threadation.
I'm faiy sure I haven't told the spleen removal story from last Valentine's Day. Oh how I
that story. It was so romantic I didn't die again.
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