Hear a horrible holiday tale, leave a horrible tale…

[Shaun52]

This will be a rough Christmas but that’s for another time.

Remember any “holiday”

Thanksgiving 1996. Still in MOS school at 29 Palms. Rent a 15 passenger van and almost filled it up go to Diego for first time ever. My thanksgiving consisted of calling my parents collect on a pay phone. Eating at Jack n the box for “Turkey Dinner” and partying back the coast to LA only to make it to Palms Springs, get kicked out of Zelda’s, destroy IHOP, crowd 13 dudes overnight in a Motel 6.

 

[TopHook]

Should i start drinking.

 

[PawPower1981]

I spent the night at my new GFs house after college. They had a pre Thanksgiving party and I was turtlin’ all night long. After I nailed her, using farts as hip thrusters she finally went to sleep.

Around 3am I took a monster dump in the 2x4 bathroom connected to the living room. The toilet tried to flush, but the water was draining and the log was not.

Like a brown iceberg on a porcelain shore, it was stranded.

I panicked and went looking for something to scoop it out with. No luck under the carport (all girls lived there so no good yard tools) so I went to the kitchen and cut it into sections with a spoon I found in the sink. I scooped it into a ziplock bag along with some napkins I used to hide the skid marks on the waterless tundra of a bowl.

I buried the bag of shit and napkins at the bottom of the kitchen trash can along with the spoon

I went back to bed and next morning I heard girls talking about broken toilet

 

[TopHook]

I spent the night at my new GFs house after college. They had a pre Thanksgiving party and I was turtlin’ all night long. After I nailed her, using farts as hip thrusters she finally went to sleep.

Around 3am I took a monster dump in the 2x4 bathroom connected to the living room. The toilet tried to flush, but the water was draining and the log was not.

Like a brown iceberg on a porcelain shore, it was stranded.

I panicked and went looking for something to scoop it out with. No luck under the carport (all girls lived there so no good yard tools) so I went to the kitchen and cut it into sections with a spoon I found in the sink. I scooped it into a ziplock bag along with some napkins I used to hide the skid marks on the waterless tundra of a bowl.

I buried the bag of shit and napkins at the bottom of the kitchen trash can along with the spoon

I went back to bed and next morning I heard girls talking about broken toilet

 

[Rebarcock.]

When I was kid our family went to St Louis for Christmas with Granny and extended family. I'm probably 6 or so.

We are in a giant mall. Everyone is in line to see Santa.
We waited about 30min or so and are just to the front of the line.
A little kid is sitting on Santa and screaming and crying.
They take the pic and as his mom was going to grab him up the liquid chocolate gravy train started chugging out of of this kid.
Hershey squirts were shooting out of his pant legs and somehow erupting like lava over his pants at the waist.

Me and my mom start moving away. The family in front of us had their backs to it. When they turned and saw it the little girl caught a whiff at the same time.
Instantaneous regurgitation of our her caloric intake that day. We skated the fuck out of there.


That became known as the shitty day for Santa. Definitely in the 1970s