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- Jan 8, 2021
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While the last best hope of man simultaneously awakens to the matrix and accelerates into a death spiral, the learned turn their eyes to the existential issue of our time, Tucker Carlson. Thankfully, the people’s magazine, aka the New York Times has our back and excoriated this centrifugal force of doom. Crootn.com caught up with Wendy Woke and a few others to hear their thoughts.
When asked about Tucker Carlson, Ms. Woke was not remiss for words. She pounced, “Like, literally, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.” We pressed and she continued, “Oh My God I’m like sneezing in my mask now. Good thing I’m used to it. I think he has slaves, he is so hateful I literally hate him. I literally wouldn’t be surprised if he has black people picking his cotton and making lemonade. To Tucker Carlson’s slaves, like runaway, like now, you can work at my parent’s house.” Unfortunately, we only got about 3/5ths of the way through with Wendy before she had to run north for something.
On the other side we spoke with Ned Normie to capture his takeaway. Ned chimed in, “Fox News is literally propaganda. For my news, I go to NPR. It’s publicly funded and is government run so you know it’s honest. I could go on and on but I’ve got to pick up some almond milk and walk the cats.” Although Ned cut it short we were lucky to run into the mighty fit and fine Studley and Sabrina Sage.
We asked Studley and Sabrina if they had read the article and both guffawed gratuitously. Studley quipped, “I don’t read CIA garbage meant for an audience full of information that just isn’t so. Tucker Carlson is a ruling class stooge and the right frame of the overton window. He is a corporate news hack that reads engineered lines for focus group tested narratives. His job is to ride the wind of some obvious truths while ignoring the important ones; distracting his audience, fueling their enemies and most importantly, cashing checks into the Tucker Carlson bank account. Sabrina, who looking thin and feminine, happy and horny, added, “doesn’t he wear bow ties un-ironically?”
Yes he does Sabrina but I think we all are much more concerned with what you are wearing. That’s another installment of 3 Ways with Crootn.com.
“Must Read’ reference NYT article
www.nytimes.com
When asked about Tucker Carlson, Ms. Woke was not remiss for words. She pounced, “Like, literally, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.” We pressed and she continued, “Oh My God I’m like sneezing in my mask now. Good thing I’m used to it. I think he has slaves, he is so hateful I literally hate him. I literally wouldn’t be surprised if he has black people picking his cotton and making lemonade. To Tucker Carlson’s slaves, like runaway, like now, you can work at my parent’s house.” Unfortunately, we only got about 3/5ths of the way through with Wendy before she had to run north for something.
On the other side we spoke with Ned Normie to capture his takeaway. Ned chimed in, “Fox News is literally propaganda. For my news, I go to NPR. It’s publicly funded and is government run so you know it’s honest. I could go on and on but I’ve got to pick up some almond milk and walk the cats.” Although Ned cut it short we were lucky to run into the mighty fit and fine Studley and Sabrina Sage.
We asked Studley and Sabrina if they had read the article and both guffawed gratuitously. Studley quipped, “I don’t read CIA garbage meant for an audience full of information that just isn’t so. Tucker Carlson is a ruling class stooge and the right frame of the overton window. He is a corporate news hack that reads engineered lines for focus group tested narratives. His job is to ride the wind of some obvious truths while ignoring the important ones; distracting his audience, fueling their enemies and most importantly, cashing checks into the Tucker Carlson bank account. Sabrina, who looking thin and feminine, happy and horny, added, “doesn’t he wear bow ties un-ironically?”
Yes he does Sabrina but I think we all are much more concerned with what you are wearing. That’s another installment of 3 Ways with Crootn.com.
“Must Read’ reference NYT article
Opinion | The New Trump? Easy. It’s Tucker. (Published 2021)
You don’t just give your detractors agita. You give them material.
