Well-Known Member
Gold Member
You'll be sucking lots of dicks and eating lots of shits moving forward. Let me go ahead and give you the lay of the land so you know who you'll be fellating.
Alabama - They run shit in football. Will shit and piss on you until Saban is gone. They control everything in football including officials. Think Kansas basketball. Also obsessed with Tennessee - they sing a song about our state during their games and refuse to allow schedule changes so they can beat our ass every year. They hate orange, smoke cigars after beating us, and still complain about us putting them on probation 20 years ago. Please kill them.
Arkansas - You're familiar with these guys as a quarter of your wins have probably come from them. Nothing to fear here.
Auburn - You'll beat them easy one year and they'll beat your ass the next. Wildly inconsistent, but gAUd will come through for them regularly.
Florida - These dudes think they're going to win the national title every year in every sport. You won't convince them otherwise, so don't try.
Georgia - Same as Florida, but Florida actually wins one once in a while.
Kentucky - These guys call the shots in basketball. Expect the same treatment from officials you get when you play Bama in football. They suck in everything else.
LSU - These are some cheatin ass mother fvckers. They'll steal money from hospitals, they'll get caught paying players by the FBI, they'll have officials in their pocket. Their players are usually awesome but have an IQ in the 80s, so they are beatable most years.
Mississippi State - Cowbells and fats. It's the most annoying game of the year but you should handle them easily. Baseball is their thing but they surprise in football and basketball from time to time. They're disgusting.
Ole Miss - They're racist as shit and usually not good in anything. Think a poor version of Texas. They've never lost a party though.
South Carolina - Hahahahahaha
Texas A&M - You're more familiar with these guys then we are. We wouldn't be hanging out with them if they didn't have money.
Tennessee - Perennial off-season national champions. We like to party and eat, a lot. We've put a lot of players on the map over the years. Unfortunately, none of them were ours. Tim Tebow, Alabama's entire roster since 2007, Baker Mayfield, Zach Wilson. We look forward to helping your players contend for Heismans.
Vanderbilt - They have a weird basketball court, two entrances to their football stadium, and a guy who whistles during their baseball games. That's about it.
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